Keeping Up with Normal

 Going Mental  No Responses »
May 152020
 

This week, I decided to create a new “Quarantine Schedule” to try to get myself ready for the eventual return to regularly scheduled activities.

Since I have gotten used to having time at home everyday, I decided it was time to start behaving as if I were going to an office – just minus the commute. Also, I have allowed some flexibility with how I spend my time during the day just as I would even if I were in the office. I mean, I am always multitasking; it’s just what I do. πŸ˜‰

To be honest, though, I am not eager to go back to the old normal. I am also unsure what the new normal will look like. A part of me is keen to be able to redefine my full-time work, which was starting to happen before ‘pandemic’ life took over. However, a bigger part of me is just content to let life continue as is – work from home all the time….

Having this time to reflect on what I would like life to be has been good. Something that I have become even more aware of than before is that all things are temporary.

In returning to a mindfulness meditation practice, I have been able to re-focus on the fact that our society, language, lives, environments, and circumstances are always in motion.

However, ironically, the one thing that seems to stay the same are people. You know that saying that a Zebra can’t change its stripes? On some level, I wholeheartedly disagree with this as people can change if they really want to. It takes work, reflective activity, and persistence, but it is humanly possible. Unfortunately, most people give up with the pathetic excuse that they ‘can’t’ change. Really, they should say they ‘won’t’ change.

These days, it is normal to say things like “I am who I am” or “I have to learn to love myself for who I am”. While the general sentiment behind these statements are true when we play negative recordings on repeat to self-sabotage, it does not excuse us from trying to be better human beings.

One thing that has contributed to my break from social media are the posts that suggest people should “forgive themselves” for not doing anything during these anxious times. It’s true that if your body and mind are feeling stressed and anxious that we should focus on keeping ourselves healthy. However, this should not be used as an excuse to be complacent or stagnant in life.

There is never a day or time that I can honestly say that I’m bored or that I have nothing to do. There are so many books in the world to read. There are thousands of online courses for free to take and learn something new. There are millions of YouTube videos to watch that teach us how to do things. There are gazillions of recipes to try. There are stories to write. There are miles to walk. There are billions of people to help. There is ALWAYS something to do. It is by this belief that I live my life.

In doing so, it’s hard to keep up with all there is out there to be done. Shouldn’t this be the new normal?

~T πŸ˜€

The Temporariness of Life

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Mar 042020
 

Where does the time go? There I was thinking that I was on regular schedule for posting, but then three weeks just flew by! Now, I am back in March and hoping to not jinx my flow.

I guess I have still been a bit busy with work and trying to find the ever elusive balance to life. Whenever I think that I’ve done it, like a see-saw, the balance is quickly lost the moment a bit more on one side or the other appears. So, for now, I’m going to ride the tip toward writing here again.

One thing I have been pondering lately is the temporariness of everything. I recently had a scare that I could lose someone dear to me. While I know that this is an inevitable reality of life – everyone dies eventually – , I was not prepared to consider it for that person.

Often, when I watch shows where someone has died (this is a lot thanks to my addiction to true crime stories), the survivors always say the person who passed was wonderful, amazing, loving, so kind, full of life, etc. I keep wanting someone to say “She was a royal biotch!” or “He was an absolute dick.” It’s like saying that would mean that s/he deserved to die, which is not at all how I think. I just wish that we were honest about how people were/are in life. It’s nice to look fondly on people, and it sells better than if the person were not a good one, but life is temporary and why recall it differently than it is/was?

Since I was very young I have let go of my attachment to life. This does not mean that I haven’t and don’t live my life to the fullest. In fact, because I have let go of my attachment, I feel free to live it up. While I would definitely be pissed off if I was somehow incapable of living life as I know it, I would not look back with regret for the life I have lived.

However, this lack of attachment has also allowed me to live life for myself. I don’t have to worry about leaving kids behind. I don’t have a passionate cause to live and fight for. I don’t have strings attached to the world. Yet, related to re-finding purpose, it also has a downside in that the temporariness of this life leaves me floating a bit too aimlessly.

When I thought that I could lose my loved one, I wondered what life would be like without that person in my life. In turn, I wondered what life would be like without me in it. Right now, I think that it wouldn’t matter much except to those near and dear. Yet, I feel somewhat unsatisfied by that. So, now, I am thinking about what I can do to give back and leave a little something behind.

Thus, I am embracing the temporariness of life and looking forward to narrowing down what I will leave behind.

~T πŸ˜€

Day 2: #whyshewrites

 Going Mental  No Responses »
May 022019
 

While I’m in the flow….

Favorite motivational quote.

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” ~Aristotle

I do not know if this counts as a motivational quote, but it has been one of my favorite quotes since I was in college and fell in love with Aristotle’s teachings.

Although in college I really disliked my friends’ elitist attitude as I found it a way of puffing themselves up more than an expression of standards, I have perhaps come around to what they may have really meant.

I believe that anyone can be whatever version of greatness they want to be – according to their own definition of it. I also believe that everyone should strive to be better than who they currently are as there is always improvement to be made within ourselves. This is achieved through discipline and repeated behavior towards this betterment of the self.

For me, this quote has motivated me to do my best to maintain a high self-standard, which does often overflow to those with whom I surround myself – unfortunately for them? πŸ˜›

I do not apologize nor do I consider another option. As my father likes to say, “It’s hard to soar with eagles when you walk with turkeys.” This sounds a bit harsh, and I believe I have a bit more compassion and empathy for others than the quote might suggest. However, I do hold people to a very high standard.

Admittedly, I probably hide my elitist attitude (even from myself at times) as I’ve learned that it does not always serve me in relationships. In fact, I lost a friendship because of my lack of compassion and empathy since I had overestimated the understanding that I thought we had in how I view the world. While I am deeply saddened by the loss, I do not regret it in full.

In a recent conversation about this, it was suggested that perhaps I should be more flexible in my attitude knowing that my standards are impossible. However, I disagree. Instead, I consider it a challenge to continue to hold myself to excellence and encourage others around me to do the same.

My circle of friends is small, but it is not non-existent and I’m happy with it. There might be times when I’m lonely for my inflexibility, but I would much rather be lonely than constantly disappointed in myself or those whom I might call friends.

This way of thinking is also why I write. Through my written word, I can better explain my mind and view of the world. Time can be taken to process the words rather than the instant repelling of what I am saying.

For truly, who does not want to achieve and be excellent? To achieve and be, how else should it be done? As habit.

‘Nuff said.

~T πŸ˜€

Purpose

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Nov 022018
 

Sunny days in Japan means that it’s a laundry day. One can see clothes hanging on balconies outside throughout the city. The decision on when to do laundry is not really left to one’s own schedule or choice, but is instead determined by the whims of nature.

In this, I ponder a parallel in wondering how much free choice we truly have, or are we already fulfilling what the universe has determined that we should be doing?

Perhaps our freedom of choice lies is in deciding when to stop refusing to take the path meant for us? Perhaps, then, our unhappiness and discontent is in our stubbornness in believing we know a better way….

Sometimes (OK, most of the time!), it is easier to see what other people should or should not be doing with their  lives than in our own. So, lately, I have been trying to remove the judging instinct and reflect….

I question regularly if I am avoiding a path before me? Am I refusing to see a way that is meant to be? Am I afraid to take a road less traveled?

My instinct says, “No!”

But, the truth is, I really don’t know.

My ego wants to believe that I am slightly more aware and in tune with myself than most and yet… perhaps I am deluded.

Maybe I just don’t know what I don’t know, or don’t want to know it.

The best way I do know how to judge myself objectively (if it’s even possible) is by my mental state. Given the fact that I have tendencies for extreme ups and downs, if I am fairly even keeled mentally, then I tend to think I am on the right path. When my mental state gets unbalanced, then perhaps it is because I have started to meander off the best trajectory.

With that as a working gauge, these days, I’m definitely feeling more and more on an even keel. My wheel of life actually feels like it is starting to even out so that all spokes of the wheel are moving forward smoothly.

My job is good. My finances are improving. My health is stable. My friendships are strong (at least from my perspective πŸ˜› ). My love life is fabulous. My free time is spent pleasurably.

All in all, I am more content with life than I have been for a long time. I generally feel at peace in my heart and mind. While I may complain about various aspects of life here and there about decisions to be made – as any normal person does -, I do feel quite satisfied with where I am.

With all that said, I do have a sense that there is more I should/could be doing. I’m never one to just be content with life – even when all is good! πŸ˜‰

So, while I have renewed my own practice in yoga and meditation, I am not teaching it again (yet). While I have settled into a job and made the circumstances as ideal as I can, I’m not fulfilled or satisfied enough with just that. Therefore, maybe it’s time to start taking steps towards doing more….

As I contemplate this, I also come to a revised understanding of knowing whether or not I’m on the right track. When everything in my life is aligned, then opportunities seem to open up serendipitously. The idea that those who have get more chances to have more seems to be true in a way. This is not a boast in any way, but I am aware that when my life is in balance I am able to see more than when my focus is on particular aspects of life. A bit like ‘seeing the forest for the trees’ rather than ‘the trees for the forest’.

In my next post, I’ll share with you what I think is an example of what I’m trying to say here….

~T πŸ˜€

Security in Planning

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Aug 102016
 

If I have learned nothing else this summer, it is that I cannot really plan and most especially cannot control ANYthing. πŸ˜›

With that said, there are some things that I can plan and do. Tonight (early tomorrow), I leave for my Bali retreat as part of my yoga teacher training. I am being asked to teach a couple of times during the week with one ‘day’ as mine to lead. Since I have not been teaching lately and have not gone to a studio class for over a month, I am a little bit apprehensive about it. Also, there will be some people there whom I do not know, so despite my general preference to not teach large classes, this is exactly what I will be doing.

The nice thing is that I have had advance notice, meaning that I can actually prepare a bit and plan. Also, I have some flexibility in what I am teaching allowing me to use my own flavor/style, which is good as it gives me comfort. Having just completed putting together the outline, I feel as if there is a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders, heart and mind.

Despite my teacher and others telling me that I should learn to go with the flow and not need to plan so much, I think that just does not work for me. It goes back to my post a while back about respect for different ways and needs of people. By telling me to go against my nature, I am being disrespected for how I do things. I do not go around telling people they should learn to plan more – even if I think it! πŸ˜›

So, now, even if I have to make alterations, at least I can comfortably arrive at the retreat and spend my energy getting a feel for the group again and settling into the social aspect of the retreat rather than fretting about what I need to teach. πŸ˜€ I have a sense of security in the minimal planning that I can do.

Sometimes the lesson is in embracing what is within our reach and finding peace in controlling what we can without worry about trying to controlΒ beyond our reach.

-T πŸ˜€

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