Creative Meanderings

My car has cruise control and I use it a lot to avoid getting speeding tickets in the city or on the long endless road from Abu Dhabi to Dubai. Even though I use the cruise control, I still try to stay alert to the cars around me as well as where the cameras are or where the speed limit changes. Therefore, despite having the amazing mechanism of ensuring I stay under the limit, I try to never fully turn off my awareness.

My husband’s car does not have a working cruise control system. Not only that, but he tends not to pay attention to where the cameras are nor where speed limits change. He is by no means a bad driver, but he has been known to rack up a hefty speeding ticket amount. If he drives my car, he does a bit better, but without the awareness it does not necessarily help much.

This has made me start to think about parallels in life where we are easily on cruise control, but may not be aware or active enough so that when changes happen we are caught off guard and given a wake up call.

For example, how often do marriages start to fall apart because we each do our part in the marriage:  the husband goes off to work to earn a living to support the family; the wife takes care of the house and kids and/or also goes off to work to help support the family; they come home maybe have dinner together, maybe have a brief conversation together and maybe rarely share a kiss, or an “I love you” because they are both tired from cruising through their daily routine. Then, one day one of them wakes up a little, realizing that he or she wants something more but does not know how to approach it. Maybe he or she sees their partner seemingly happy on cruise control, so they have an affair or start to act up or pick fights or whatever it is in order to give some sort of signal that he or she wants to ‘brake out’ of their cruise control routine. Unfortunately, because people rarely talk openly and honestly with one another there is confusion, resentment and most of all fear in the idea of change – even the smallest amount. Then, life begins to fall apart. Looking back, people always wonder when they should have known that life was not going alright for them, but since they were in the false sense of security of cruise control, they generally cannot pinpoint the when.

These past two months have taught me many lessons and no doubt a lot more to come. However, one of the best lessons I have learned so far is the need for open and honest communication with my husband. Sometimes we think we are protecting the other person by not sharing our worries or stresses, but really we are lying to them when we pretend to take care of things ourselves or act as if we are okay with everything. We went through a period of almost daily yelling at each other for one thing or another. The fact was that it was because usually one of us felt too much pressure or alone in our situation. The key is that it is OUR situation – not just his or just mine. There may be some fear that the partner might get upset over what needs to be shared, but through the sharing there is a building of trust and respect that works through the moments of being upset. On the other side is a better understanding, a sense of companionship and a stronger team to get through it all.

So, while we might miss our time on cruise control, it has also been good to drive without it retraining ourselves to be aware of one another and to learn how to prepare for changes that will inevitably happen so that they are mere speed bumps rather than high-priced tickets.

~T