Creative Meanderings – Page 38 – My ramblings and wanderings through life

The Self: Part 1

Oct 232018

The other day, I sat outside during my lunch break to enjoy the beautiful cool, but sunny day. I’m sure that last year at this time I lamented about people’s tendency to say that there are no longer four seasons in Japan, and that ‘fall’ is near non-existent.

Yet, as I sat outside soaking up the sun under the trees with leaves that are changing color, I would beg to differ (yet again) with anyone who wants to keep saying that we are not experiencing an autumnal season. Perhaps this is just still coming from someone who spent nearly nine years where there truly aren’t notable seasons.

While I sat by the river, I initially was on my phone looking at social media. Then, I changed to reading a book thinking that was a better use of my time. In the end, though, I realized that I should just put the phone down and be in the world – enjoy the so-called ‘non-existent’ season.

So, I watched runners along the river, employees enjoying lunch in the weather, mothers walking with their children, and other individuals also enjoying the world around them. Instead of missing the seasonal changes by burrowing myself into my phone, I absorbed life around me with a great thirst.

It is usually when I stop to absorb life that I am able to contemplate. So, through my observations, I pondered: ‘Who am I in the grand scheme of this life?’ ‘Would anyone miss me if I didn’t answer my phone, post on social media or go back to work?’ (This is not a cry for help – truly just a musing of my mind.) 😉 What am I really doing that is of any significance – great or small?

Obviously, I know I am loved, valued and cherished by various people whether they tell me or not. I have no regrets in my life and am actually finding a new level of peace in who I am in this moment. Yet, I also recognize and appreciate that while I am just one person, just one speck, just one among millions, I still want to be contributing to the betterment of society. My contribution can be as small as a grain of sand or as big as the universe deems worthy – I really don’t care about the scale of it; just that I am doing something beyond myself.

This, in turn, caused me to follow another thought path that has been in and out of my contemplations lately: What is the line between self-care and just plain selfishness?

It is so trendy now to use terms like ‘self-care’, ‘taking care of number one’, etc. We are in this self-pampering and me-time world, where we have started to justify self-centeredness with a slight twist of the words to change the nuance so that we can feel better about pushing others away or demanding others to behave on our terms.

Now, I am not trying to downplay acts for self-protection or -preservation. I am in full agreement of ‘f@#k politeness’ as one of the themes of my favorite podcast. However, these thoughts/terms have a place and a time when they should be employed and even celebrated. They should not be a justification to become cold towards the world or those around us.

So, it leads me back to the self. What is the line? Is there a line? Should there be a line?

Of course, life is not as black and white as I would like it to be. Even grey is dulled out by all the colors that are out there.

But, I question – have we over-complicated life? At what expense are we taking care of ourselves, looking out for number one, and saying we are who we are? I’m not sure anymore….

So here ends Part 1. Part 2 to come….

~T 😀

Making Space

Going Mental 1 Response »

Oct 182018

Whenever there is a lot of clutter in my life, I feel out of sorts and confused. Perhaps this is why organizing is like a hobby for me as it makes me feel cool, calm, collected and in control. 😉

As a young child I had no say in who my family was, where I lived, where I went or what I possessed. My early movements were so frequent that I could never form an attachment to anything or anyone. This lack of control or say in my life contributed to a harmless, but significant need to keep every scrap of paper that represented a memory in my life – from manuals to devices/appliances I no longer own, to my first set of Valentine’s cards in the first elementary school that I actually stayed in, to contracts of employment for every important job I’ve had thus far, to notebook after notebook that might carry some random thought I had about whatever was happening in that moment.

Study and teaching materials, monthly bills, movie tickets, travel brochures and receipts from trips all filled boxes that have moved with me throughout my adult life – nine years in Japan, nearly nine years in the UAE and now back to Japan.

Since our things finally arrived after a year in storage in the desert, we have been trying to sort out how to make what seemed like a minimalist lifestyle there fit into our new truly limited space – which is spacious by any standard here for just two people.

Additionally, life now has different meaning and purpose than it used to.

Before, I was all about the papers – articles I have read, articles I have written, articles I want to write and any (and every) article that represented my ‘wealth of knowledge’. Meaning and purpose was founded in the status of what these papers represented. I felt control and satisfaction over the fact that I have a record of my life and events in the myriad of boxes that have traveled with me.

My husband likes to give me grief about the fact that many of my papers have come full circle. 😛 Some of the papers were useful to me, but the truth is that I wasn’t ready to let go of the life these papers represented.

After a number of pivotal moments, my life has greatly changed in the last few years. At last, it is time for the papers to go into the circular file – letting go of the past.

So, as I filled nearly 30 45L trash bags with that which no longer serves me, I felt not a loss of control, but rather a sense of freedom. The weight of all those papers was being lifted as my sweet partner encouraged me to get rid of the meaningless and unnecessary scraps of the past. At the same time, he supported me in keeping the items that represent important memories knowing how they can anchor me in remembering transitional periods of life back then. Still, I joked, my entire adult life (and some of my childhood) was boiled down to these 30 garbage bags.

Although I have not left a paper-trail-friendly profession completely, my home is now a safe space that I only want to fill with memories of travels, pictures of those I love, and items of a shared life with my partner. Each thing will now have meaning and purpose to represent all that I cherish rather than all that I could not let go of.

For the first time in my adult life, I have pictures and things up on my walls with plans to put up more. For the first time in my adult life, I am willing to establish a place to call home. For the first time in my adult life, I am not concerned about collecting everything just in case something is forgotten.

This process is far from being complete – I have collected a lot of stuff, so it will take a bit more time! However, the major boxes are emptied and many items have been discarded.

Now, we have more space to fill, carefully, with that which represents our life together serving us with love and joy.

~T 😀

Limbs of Negativity

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Oct 122018

I am not a fan of the underwater. While others seem to have a fascination of life below the land surface, I do not. In fact, I have a great fear of drowning from an attack by the creatures below.

The worst types of water creatures for me are those with snake-like features – especially the Octopus. Although my fear may be irrationally based on images from pop culture, I imagine one swipe of the suction-cup side of a limb will poison me to death as it carries me down into the dark depths of the ocean drowning out my existence. (Dramatic?!) Therefore, I try to avoid situations that might give any such kind of creature an opportunity to darken my world.

Negativity receives a similar response.

I firmly believe people have auras that surround them. Some people see it in color. Some see it in shades from light to dark. Some see it as balls of energy. Or, any combination of readings. (Some may not see them at all ;))

For me, I see shades from light to dark with aspects of energy sparks. Those who carry around dark shades with high sparks of energy are the octopuses of the land-walkers. Not only will their limbs of negativity poison you, their suckers consume the energies of light others carry around. The seeming cliche imagery of dark clouds covering sunlight is not for nothing.

This is not to say that I am always a ray of sunshine to mine or others’ lives. However, I do try my best (perhaps my husband would disagree 😛 ) to stay upbeat and positive.

So, when we are individually struggling with our own balance and maintenance to stay in the light, it is all the more frustrating and irritating to have to deal with the dark limbs of others’ negativity.

An online search on how to deal with colleagues or others who fit this description provides results with advice that are obvious and yet nearly impossible: avoid them, tell them, listen with compassion as much as you can, put yourself in their shoes, blah blah blah.

I recently went to a talk called Sacred Self-Care. One of the points the speaker, Nirmal Raj Gyawali pointed out was that we have a finite amount of energy throughout a limited amount of time (our lives). Therefore, why spend energy and time on the things that do us no good? In yoga speak, we say ‘those things which do not serve us’.

With this in mind, then, rather than just forcing myself to have compassion (which is still needed) or enduring the poisonous sparks of negative energy that threaten to put out the light I try to shine, I feel as if I should just walk away.

In today’s world and real-life situations, that means putting on my headphones in the office to tune out those who are spewing out dark flames or, at times, it might even mean taking some ‘mental health’ days to stay at home to recoup and store up energy to keep the light shining not only within myself, but hopefully for others in my life as well.

Still, there are days (like today) where the negative poison enters my veins. Without an outlet like posting here, I am sure that the dark clouds would smother the positive light.

Thankfully, I think I have managed to fight off the threatening limbs of negativity as the weekend is about to begin. 😀

~T 😀

Art Among Millions

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Sep 252018

Digital art lab exhibition / Google Photos

The joy of living in a mega city such as Tokyo is that there is always something to do in whatever area of interest you may have. The downside is that there are always a million (seemingly so) other people who are interested in the same things no matter how obscure they might be. Add to that advertising on Facebook and well, of course, there are going to be crowds.

Some months ago we saw an advertisement for teamLab Borderless Digital Art Museum opening up in Odaiba. Both of us were interested in going.

So, we finally had a chance to go this past week.

Overall, the exhibition of digital art was pretty cool – said in the most intellectual tone I can muster. ;)🤣👩🏽‍🎨

The only problem is that trying to absorb the ambience of culture and appreciate what artists may have had in mind is a challenge when there are thousands (okay, maybe hundreds…) of other people attempting to do the same.

Or, maybe it was originally imagined to include waiting in lines and time limits to enjoy the art feature as part of the experience? 🤔

Anyway, along with the renewed lesson that I have to accept we live amongst millions, it was worth the visit. The creative minds that came up with the art on exhibition are indeed far beyond my own understanding. But, it made going to a ‘museum’ a lot more fun! 😛

~T 😀

Cool Sighs

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Sep 242018

It has been a little less humid and lot cooler the past week or so. Of course, more rain has come with that, but it also means that the fall blooms are starting to brighten up the paths.

When you live in a place with actual seasons (despite people’s recent complaints that Japan doesn’t have four seasons 🍁⛄️🌸☀️) conversation around weather is inevitable. After living in a country that really had no seasons other than hot ☀️and hotter☄️ I have come to appreciate them more than I did before. Also, I have become more aware of my preference for one season over another.

Before, people would ask me as a small talk conversational piece, “What’s your favorite season?”. I would look at them as if they were crazy and think, “What a dumb question…, who cares?” 😖

Now, I understand. Now, I have a favorite season with a more mature understanding of why. 👵🏽

As a youth, I would say ‘summer’ was my favorite because it meant school holidays and long sunny days of nothing but pleasurable activities. As I got older, I would stubbornly refuse to answer such a question and say something sarcastic, like “I prefer tropical climate”, which isn’t an answer to the question at all. 🙄

These days, I can honestly say that ‘fall/autumn’ is my favorite season. It’s a season that feels like the biggest ‘sigh’ of relief and letting go. The heat goes away lowering humidity levels. The winds blow a cooler breeze that refreshes the skin. The colors become bright on the trees giving the eyes some stimulation. People come out to enjoy the weather with smiles and chatty sounds.

Although the rain increases and there is still some humidity, it feels as if the community (or at least my little place in the world in Japan) has breathed out a collective cool sigh of relief with a quicker step in their feet as we forget about the trying summer times and avoid the need to hunker down for winter. It’s a period of time to just be and breathe.

~T 😀

An Okinawan Holiday

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Sep 232018

The downside of going back to work and working for a business rather than an academic institution is that vacation days are limited. Add to that other life challenges, makes for a bit of a difficulty in taking summer holidays.

However, I’m not at all complaining as life is a far cry (positively) from what it was just over a year ago – still trying to work out how to update on that….

Anyway, we were finally able to manage a trip away from the hustle and bustle of Tokyo life over a long weekend.

Both of us needed the bit of rest that the beautiful blue waters and sun of Okinawa provided us.

Most of our time was spent on the beaches as we tried out most of the popular ones thanks to being able to drive around the main island. The weather was absolutely perfect and so here are the photos that say it all!

~T 😀

Okinawa / Google Photos

Online Presence

Going Mental No Responses »

Sep 142018

In the three months or so that I did not have my blog outlet I was just using Facebook and, mostly, Instagram to share what’s been going on in my life when my mood suited.

At the same time, I gradually broke my habit/semi-addiction to social media, which has resulted in a decrease in how much I have been posting, in general. As I re-evaluated my purpose with social media while being a bit of a lurker on others’ posts, I found myself wondering what is the purpose of putting pictures and words out there for people – near and far.

The old-skool side of me thinks that if I don’t talk to you regularly, then you don’t need to know what’s going on with me. However, I find that not quite right either as I have full control over what I post and so if I do, then I can’t be concerned about the reaction of those who see it.

The modern side of me feels like it’s just what we do now to keep updated with one another since the art of writing letters and sending postcards while on holidays has gone by the wayside.

Some people keeps blogs with limited access to those who request or know the URL, but then again it’s still on a public forum with a false sense of privacy and security.

Therefore, I have mostly concluded each to her own. Do what you like and makes you most comfortable.

As for me, I have decided that the Internet is an open forum no matter the form I choose to use. Since I enjoy writing and want to recreate my habit of posting here more, I shall attempt to use efficient methods through the features available of automatically posting from here and Instagram to Facebook so that bases are covered, but I will be less likely to overdo the whole social media sharing.

In any case, I will embrace the fact that people I know or have “connected” with can have a way of finding common ground to interact on -whether good or bad – and hope that in some way I am influencing the world in the way I want – through my writing.

Stay tuned for more posts to come!

~T 😀

Phew!

Going Mental No Responses »

Sep 092018

It’s been a busy period lately between work and enjoying a visit by our friends. So, I’ve barely had time to think let alone post, but we do have some time coming up where I might find a way to reflect and refresh.

Therefore, posts are coming – I promise. 😀

~T 😀

Remaking Habits

Going Mental No Responses »

Aug 282018

Well I keep telling myself that I am going to get back to posting, but it takes more than self-talk to reform a habit – especially one that may not have necessarily caught on fully before it got broken. 😉

So, I thought I’d at least write a short post now since the mere act of typing something here is a first step.

I’ve got more ideas brewing…stay tuned!

~T 😀

Revived!

Going Mental No Responses »

Aug 192018

It’s been a few months….

My site was down for a few reasons, but it’s back and I’m ready to rebuild my posting habit again. 😉

Aren’t you all relieved?!

More to come soon!

~T 😀

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