Creative Meanderings

Well, the best laid plans as they say….

I have not quite gotten myself into the right routine just yet. Every time I think that I have a handle on things, something spins me around to distract me from my plans.

It seems that the meds are still requiring a bit to get used to. In fact, I have considered going off of them already, but feel that perhaps three months is not quite sufficient enough…I need to do some research on this to confirm. The main thing is that thoughts do not stay long enough in my mind, which can be quite helpful at some times but overall annoys me because I do not know if it is part of my aging process or unnatural! 😛

Anyway, I have not been doing much proper free-flowing writing lately but as I always revert back eventually, I am not worried. 😀

So, that’s the update for the moment. 😉

~T 😀

Most of my days involve a visit to a café of some sort – and when I say of some sort, I generally mean Starbucks… 🤣

Life in Tokyo is spent mostly out of the house. There are a few reasons for this. The top being the size of ‘home’ and the distance of ‘home’ from where one works or is playing.

At the moment, we fall into the former of these two options because the latter is not true as we are styaing in an amazing location making it quite convenient for both work and play. Hopefully, by early next month this will be reversed – though it will still be convenient; just a bit less so.

So, although my Cancerian introverted nature sometimes keeps me indoors to enjoy the comfort of ‘home’, most of the time I need to get out to breathe fresh air and stretch my legs.

Granted, my closest coffee shop is not that far from ‘home’ and I frequent it regularly. Still, I have so many options in the area that I can mix it up should I be feeling adventurous in the day!

Perhaps because my formative adult years were spent here in Japan, I have such a love of the café way of life. I can work much easier, focus more and relax comfortably in any one of the places here – Starbucks or not. Perhaps this is because almost everyone else around me is doing the same. Business men stop in for a quick break from work and read a few pages of a novel while they enjoy their cup of coffee. Young people are here studying or even possibly working. Ladies come in for a chat or also a break from shopping, work, or life in general. It’s a happy place for all!

Even when I have my headphones to block out other sounds, I still find myself better able to focus and let my mind flow in this kind of environment. It’s lovely.

Soon, I will be working full-time and missing this kind of lifestyle – though I’m sure I’ll still make regular stops breaking up the day or waiting between classes. Still, in the meantime, I am enjoying this to the fullest!

~T 😀

A new sense of normal is finding its way back to my life.

I am walking outside again. I am listening to music again. I am writing again. I am smiling more. I am finding happy places. I am hopeful and excited again.

How long has it been since I felt this way? What was missing? Or rather, what was holding me back?

There is still a cloud that hangs over me. This morning I still struggled to get out of bed so I allowed myself to go slowly and sleep a bit more without guilt or worry. After all, I do not have a schedule to be on nor do I have to worry about work yet. Therefore, I can give myself this time to let life energy fill me again. These pieces of who I am are starting to return to me again.

Although when I lived in Japan before there was much that bothered me or that I did not appreciate, it was also filled with memories of a past way of life. Upon returning, I am starting to feel it is a bit more like "home" than my actual home. The past memories are there, but faded into the background of another chapter in my life.

In the same way, the UAE chapter is starting to fade.

The oppression, the worry about what I wear, the worry of being on-guard all the time, the stress of life there took a toll especially in the end. While I do have a lot of fond memories of my life there and will miss my friends dearly, it is a relief of an unbelievable amount to be away from it. It is no coincidence that my neck and shoulders are in pain. Aside from my stubbornness in realizing that I am not young anymore and should not try to carry an elephant's weight of things, it is also the beginning of the release of stress that I have been carrying around and starting to loosen up.

So, as I slowly let me return, I am taking my baby steps in recognizing there may be some grey days still, but it's all part of the process that leads to full healing.

~T 😀