Protecting My Energetic Space

 Going Mental  1 Response »
Jan 312022
 

It is trendy these days to talk about setting and keeping boundaries, which to many may seem either a luxury or an impossibility. There are some who may even consider it to be utter nonsense.

Before we celebrated navel gazing and the sharing – or oversharing – of our feelings, people just got on with life; and if one came across someone who set strong/firm boundaries, that person was most likely considered to be ‘eccentric’.

Growing up, I always dreamed of reaching the age when I did not have to follow social norms, play nicely with others, or care whether or not someone liked me. To be fair, the latter was always of least concern to me anyway as I had grown a tough exterior early on. When I was in my teens and early 20s, I thought that this age of bliss would be in my 60s or later. However, thanks to the onset of ‘touchy feely’ sharing, I discovered that I would not have to wait so long.

It was probably in my late 30s that I acquired the language around ‘setting boundaries’ and found it was freeing giving me an edge on the trending curve of self-help, self-awareness, and self-care. Although some may have wanted to wrap it all up in being self-ish, I found a sense of peace, order, and calm around the fact that I was being true to myself and my own mental health by knowing who I am, who I want to be, and what I needed to do to make that happen.

True freedom came with the entry into my fourth decade.

While the deep work began years before, the fruition of yoga, meditation, self awareness, and confidence building revealed itself in powerful bursts so that I no longer felt any sense of obligation to ‘fit in’ or maintain social norms just for the sake of it. I suppose this is also more easily done as a transient expat where reinventing oneself has fewer consequences than if I were in a static neighborhood with the same friends, social circles, and the like. So, it was not many years ago that I began to allow myself to read others’ energies and see how they could affect my own.

In the past, the negative effects would be met and processed with frustration, anger, and further negativity. However, over time, I realized that creating a boundary to protect my energy served as a repellant not only for myself, but also those near me. Now, setting boundaries brings to mind creating a force field that protects everything inside of it – recall Star Wars or any sci-fi film/series. By protecting my energetic space, I can be more self-less and provide support, love, and care to others around me rather than being an enabler of negative energy.

Although it is still not an easy task, I do find that when I focus on protecting my energetic space I am better at being supportive to others. Therefore, I will continue to be unapologetic in setting and keeping my boundaries as a way of protecting my energy from being affected by others’ negativity – should they arise. If it makes me appear selfish or even eccentric, then bring it on! πŸ€ͺ

~T πŸ˜€

Expanding My Boundaries

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Nov 192021
 

When is it oversharing and when is it providing the story behind or into someone’s world?Β 

Wanting fame and fortune has always been an aspiration of mankind. History shares stories of the rise and fall of individuals and civilizations based on this desire. People have lied, cheated, and even killed for notoriety. However, is it possible to have a more altruistic approach to rising in reputation?

Recently, I made my Instagram account private. Although I completely understand that the nature of social media is to publicize aspects of my life that I voluntarily put out there, I also have an inner desire to control, to some degree, who gets access to what I choose to put out there.

As an educator, I always tried to ensure that my students could not easily access my personal social media profiles. Even still, my Facebook account remains hidden unless we have a friend in common, and who my friends are remains hidden. However, I never really had a problem with Instagram until the numbers began to increase for The Universal Asian.

The positive is that the numbers are increasing enough that there is interest in who I am. Although my name and face are on the website, I try not to blur the lines between my new professional pursuits and my personal shares. However, I am keenly aware that others are not always as adept at understanding how I draw my lines and may start to associate who I am with what I do.

Still, I have been pondering as to how I can use my social presence to share what is important to me. For the most part, I keep my feeds full of images of the enviable life that I lead as I really do have an amazing life. Yet, I do have strong opinions and views on what is happening in the world. This, I keep to my face-to-face conversations or within my own musings. I sometimes envy those who can share societal and political opinions without concern of pushback from those who do not agree.

Truthfully, I cannot be bothered to expend energy in defending a stance that I take or attempting to convince others as to why I feel/believe the way that I do. It is a tiresome activity to me and unless I actually care enough about the individual to want to engage in a meaningful conversation, I feel exhausted at the idea of having to go around in circles until we come to a mutual understanding. A part of me sees my arrogance in this, as generally I feel it is not worth it because I do not believe that it is me who has to come around to others’ way of thinking, but rather the opposite. A part of me feels righteous in knowing that my life experiences trump the majority of the people with whom I’d be forced to have such a conversation in the first place-for those who have had similar experiences don’t need convincing. Ultimately, though, my old soul just feels tired and somewhat deflated at the fact that repeated conversations from the course of history must still be had despite various claims that we have made progress in our sense of humanity.

With social media being an open space to anyone and everyone, I struggle to find the right balance and way of expressing something meaningful. Therefore, I mainly keep it safe.

Lately, though, I have been feeling an urge to share more – more of what I think, more of what I lament, more of what affects, more of what distracts, more and more.

So, I return to my initial question. When does the sharing go from just providing an insight and perspective to an overshare or an invite for ridicule and trolling? Is it necessary to use social media for this purpose or is there another way that I can more safely, and comfortably, achieve the same aim?

One might say this blog is an avenue and could be enough. This is true. I actually have no idea who reads my words aside from a few who do comment in person or on here directly. Thus, in that sense, I can feel safe to hide behind the words here and hope that a reader is impacted in some way. Yet, I feel drawn for more.

But, what and why?

I do not necessarily want notoriety or fame. I wouldn’t say no to fortune, though. πŸ˜› Still, I want to feel validated, just like any other person. I want to feel seen and heard by the many.

Therefore, this is my request/permission to the Universe to open up the doors so that my influence, my words, my essence can be shared beyond my comfort zone to have a greater impact on the world at large. May God bless and protect this pursuit-in whatever form, shape, or way that it may come.

~T πŸ˜€

Tidying Up!

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Jan 232019
 

Sometimes I wish that I had more of a business mind to take my interests and turn them into something that makes money. Or, that at least I had known it was an option earlier in my life. I know it’s never too late and I do have some ideas brewing that could generate income, but for the moment, just read on as I half lament and half feel inspired. πŸ˜›

In my early adulthood, I remember saying that I wish I could get paid to organize people’s homes because I love it.

Then, some 20 years later, Marie Kondo hit the bestseller list and now has her own TV show. I suppose it’s timing and circumstances, plus more ambition for such things than I have/had.

Instead, I’ve read her book and devoured her show on Netflix as I share her excitement in seeing a mess turn into organized bliss. Plus, the changes that occur in a person through the process is worth even more. Perhaps, this is actually the real draw to my love of organizing and positive change. Besides, there are always the extreme hoarders that I definitely would not want to have to try to organize and would make me doubt a full-time effort in such an area. (See, there’s always another perspective! πŸ˜› )

Anyway, along the vein of tidying up, we have been working on our own house in terms of our physical belongings. As I posted a couple months back, I threw away bags and bags of papers that I had taken all over the world (literally) with me. On top of that, during the recent winter break, we went through clothes and closets getting rid of more unnecessary things in our home. It’s still an ongoing process that requires baby steps, but it’s a refreshing activity when more space is created allowing an air of lightness and joy to replace it.

The new year’s period in Japan is a time spent cleaning the house to make more space for what the coming year has to bring. The act of cleaning has a spiritual element as well, which I can appreciate. There is something about the cold breeze and bright sun that allows a refreshing air to enter the home (briefly before we turn on the heat!) as a way of starting the new year cleansed.

Something we don’t often talk about, though, is tidying up our relationships or the energies that we both give off and receive.

However, this is also necessary from time to time.

Therefore, I am somewhat tidying up my relationships with others. While I want to remain compassionate and understanding of others’ perspectives and where they are in their lives, due to my sensitivity to others’ energies, I have committed myself to no longer enabling the dark clouds to enter my light space.

Through tidying up my mind in daily meditation and releasing my thoughts regularly in my journal (combination bullet and daily diary as well) as well as posting more here, I find that I am better able to maintain my own joy and focus. Although we do not live in isolation, nor is it healthy despite my wistfulness for such a life, we can take control and responsibility for how we let others affect us.

Since I know that when someone writes or shares a “woe-is-me” kind of story it affects my mood, I have determined not to promote it by giving positive reinforcement towards the comments. Or, if someone moans and groans about something in the office or their lives, I will not indulge the pity party that is often desired.

Now, this is a delicate balance because I, by no means, wish to be insensitive to the fact that sometimes we just need to release our thoughts and feelings to those whom we trust and are close enough to. It’s an honor to be such a person for someone. However, if I provide a positive response to encourage that person to see the situation in a different light and s/he doesn’t want to or isn’t ready to shift their perspective, then there is not much I can do. Also, I’m not responsible for their shift, unless I’m in a ‘life coach’ role (in which case I’m paid or expected to fulfill that role). Therefore, in order to walk in the light, as Olivia Pope in Scandal often says, I have to rise above just being a ‘listening ear’ and ‘shoulder to cry on’ if it threatens to bring me down as well.

There is a lot of angst in the world and we all have our phases or days in life that are less than shiny. I’m not immune either. However, we have choices. We can choose how we respond to others. We can choose how much we let affect us. We can choose how much time we spend with people. We can choose the actions, words, and steps that we take in our lives. We can’t control the results that come from it, but with each choice, we must know that there will be a consequence of some kind.

So, in some cases, my choices in tidying up may have negative results – it’s happened before – or they may have positive ones. Either way, I’m content if it helps me to fulfill my goals and purpose in life to inspire others to walk into the light and shine with their best foot forward. πŸ˜€

While I may not be ‘tidying up’ just physical spaces (neither is the KonMari method), I am enjoying a lighter space in my mind and heart. So, beware if you’re a person in my life who’s not quite in the same place with all this as I am. I don’t love you less nor do I judge you more. I accept you are where you are. I offer my love always. However, you may see or hear a bit less from me.

**Disclaimer – please understand that never on any circumstances would I ever turn someone away or not make time for someone if they really need my help. Those who know me, know, my love and loyalty is deep and forever.**

But, for the superficial levels, you’re on your own! πŸ˜›

~T πŸ˜€

error

Enjoy this blog? Please spread the word :)