Call it midlife crisis or call it whatever you like, but I have been trying to find purpose (again) these days.
When one chooses not to have children, it becomes more difficult at a certain age to define what life is all about. As someone who has spent most of her life trying to be comfortable in her own skin and only recently feeling that is completed, I am now wondering what do I do with this newfound comfort.
This year I decided to make it a goal to work from home more, if not full-time. This is more complicated than just finding online work as I also have to have a visa to continue living in Japan. My three-year visa runs out in October of this year, so it is important that I keep my current full-time position until I renew my visa. Therefore, this gives me a bit of time to at least put some ideas into motion.
While I was struggling with what to do with my life, so to speak, I went into a bit of a fog. It wasn’t a complete depressive state, but it was enough for me to feel a bit lost. Having lost interest and ambition in the world of academia, which is what I have known my entire adult life, I didn’t know where to turn.
Throughout my life, I have not had time or energy to find a passion or cause to champion. I was busy trying to survive life and understand how to navigate through what was given to me. It also takes a level of confidence and certainty about one’s existence to then feel that promoting a cause of some kind is meaningful out of the self – at least that’s how I think about it.
As I mentioned before, having kids sort of gives people a cause by default – whether or not the kids want it π . Without kids, one must come up with something on their own. Oftentimes, one’s partner might become the cause – live for them or help them to change. Neither of those are my cup of tea either.
Still, many studies suggest that giving back to a community or society in some way provides great contentment and satisfaction in life. It’s just that finding the way to give back so that I feel inspired has been evading me.
Finally, though, I think I have found something that is meaningful and could be inspirational. I’m still in the brainstorming phase with a need to do some research on how to build it up and possibly monetize it. However, this feels like something that will stick. I also have some other money making ideas that I need to focus on as well, but at last the brain is starting to move with a forward motion rather than a circular one.
Stay tuned for updates! Fingers-crossed I don’t get lost in it!
~T π
