There was a shadow cast that I knew had light on the other side, but lingered over me as I processed how the reaction of the very few was able to trigger a chain reaction with overblown responses resulting in unacknowledged ultimatums and bullying tactics because fear and a perpetual state of feeling injustice ruled dramatic actions.
It is ironic how I had just written about the need for open communication and how it may require persistence to reach a common understanding, yet found myself in a position where I had neglected to realize that the effort to talk things through also requires a level of maturity (not necessarily determined by age) and self confidence, of which is out of my control as that lies within others and cannot be adjusted within a simple moment or defined period of time that is needed to carry out a rational conversation.
To briefly explain my somewhat vague and slightly hyperbolic references, there was a kerfuffle that has led to two persons removing themselves from the platform. While they will be missed, they are fortunately – in terms of their roles with the platform – replaceable. It is also not a surprise nor overly disappointing to lose them. Every entity needs to evolve and adjust as it grows so I do not have issue with their departure.
So, what’s the problem?
The way they left and the reasons cited.
Clearly, we had different understandings of what the purpose of the space is meant to be.
I liken TUA, as a platform, to an empty room. We provide the room (platform) empty but open, clean and free to use. We do not hold any criteria for who can use it or how it is used once they have the key to access the room. Others get to use the room as well with the same freedom. Now, if someone doesn’t like the way the room is being used or the others in the room, it is their choice to move away, avoid them, or leave altogether. What doesn’t happen is: the room is changed for individual preferences, nor does its purpose get altered just because some don’t like how the room is used or they feel other users are dirty. We do not get involved in how others decide to work out any differences, etc. on their own because we expect them to act as civil fellow citizens of the world.
No doubt there are other analogies that could be used, but I hope you get the idea.
The point is that throwing temper tantrums or trying to bully one’s way are never successful tactics. Even less so is the silent treatment, avoidance of any direct communication, especially in a semi professional manner, or petty actions because they don’t like the way they think they were treated.
What really boggles my mind is how blind they are to not only having been bullied by a very few that led to these fearful and finger-pointing responses, but also their own similar actions in trying to get me to comply with no regard for the fact that I am human with a life outside the platform. When the crisis arose I was coping with my own internal battle so that adding the understandable yet very emotional drama of others was not in my capacity at the moment.
I do admit that it could have possibly been handled somewhat differently on my end, but my stance would not have been altered. The result may have been the same anyway. Therefore, I do not regret the series of actions as there is always a silver-lining in the aftermath.
Still, I have had frequent moments of contemplation on their behavior and expectations over the past week or so.
With people allowing social media to take over control of how and what they think, I find it disturbing how being able to work out differences or discuss compromises has become near impossible. I think that the influence and control given to a few negative comments is incredible and sad when it causes one to fear not being liked in an online space because of something that is only tangentially connected to them. I worry at the future of humanity when professionalism cannot be maintained because one feels the need to be pandered and catered to as a person rather than understanding the need to protect a space that one is a part of which is far larger than themselves. Plus, the few who used their own bullying and fear-mongering tactics to get their way because they didn’t like what was posted have no accountability for the triggering of a series of actions that have consequences far beyond themselves.
Although I had contemplated giving up and in altogether, as I personally cannot be arsed with the role of social media and online space, I have decided to shift my perspective and choose to look at the positives.
- Change is inevitable.
- Not everyone is going to be happy with everything.
- Clearing out makes room for the new and allows for growth/improvement.
- There is always something to be learned and to grow from.
Also, I keep in mind one of The Four Agreements shared by Don Miguel Ruiz – Don’t take anything personally. Ultimately, their responses and reactions are not about me as a person. Instead, they are about their own insecurities and fears. Also, I have no doubt that there are other internal struggles that I have no knowledge of nor perhaps do they consciously.
While I would have liked a conversation about their disagreeing opinions, even if it had become uncomfortable, I respect their decisions and wish them well in their next steps. While I cannot understand what is going on in their minds and lives, I can let go of any personal feelings around the situation by taking a breath and sending positive energy their way.
As it is the season of being bright and jolly, I am focusing on the joy of spending time with friends and taking a much needed break!!
~T 😁
