For a few months I have been processing in my mind what and where my faith has gone. Over the past year of yoga teacher training, I have discovered the gift of meditation and seen a woman of strong faith fight to believe in the sutras – philosophical texts – because she cannot reconcile that the sutras are like the Bible – guides for a way of life.
Since the end of my first marriage I have pushed aside my religious faith in terms of social gatherings for the purpose of praising the Lord or studying His word regularly.
This is not the say that my belief has disappeared or died, but I have spent my time exploring other ways to look at God, the Bible and believing in aย more holistic presence in the world. I have also spent a lot of time looking into my own power within the mind and by my actions. In the true heart of David, I have questioned and explored God over the years.
As I have continued to ponder these larger than life mysteries, I have also been slowly considering perhaps it is time to come back to the basics in Christianity – prayer, the Bible and faith. While I have learned how to control my actions and thoughts so that they are productive rather than destructive, I have been missing an element – presence of the universe/God within me.
Then, last week I got a writing job to research a topic that involves the Bible. As I began the work and found myself needing to reference my own Bible, I felt as if I was being called back. Already without thought I had been meditating in prayer and using the Lord’s prayer as a basis to begin my practice. However, I have been missing the regular input of the Word into my life and mind. When I picked up my Bible again to look up a text, I found that my hands missed turning the pages and my mind was eager to dive into the text. Although I still maintained a modern, skeptic’s eye, it was still somehow comforting to be in that mindset again.
So, again this morning as I sat in short meditation, I began with the Lord’s prayer. Somehow it felt different – more real, more true – in my heart and mind. Thus, I have decided that given the season I shall read the ‘Christmas’ story again. It is all in good timing as we decided this weekend we will be staying here to celebrate instead of going home as planned all year…. My heart aches a little and needs some comfort. Seems like a perfect time to renew my faith and find peace in the Word of God again. ๐
~T ๐
