Dichotomies of Youth

 Going Mental  1 Response »
Aug 142021
 

Itโ€™s true that I have a critical view of the world and people. I probably should have trained to become a judge ๐Ÿ‘ฉ๐Ÿฝโ€โš–๏ธ as I hold individuals, including myself, to a high moral standard. Also, I am a constant observer, analyst, and commentator on human behavior. Often, this comes out as harsh, arrogant, and not very empathetic or compassionate comments to those who are privy to my personal thoughts.

For the past month we have been staying with friends with an occasional trade-off of watching their daughters. Even when our friends are home, we still spend quite a bit of time with the girls. One (P) has just turned 10 and the other (C) recently turned 12 – going on 40.

While I generally enjoy children, I have never been able to cope with certain behaviors – no matter what age.

With C, I basically have no issue as we have a similar temperament and her being a middle-aged pre-teen is relatable for me. Of course, like any human, she has moments of irritation and clear lack of life experience. I AM empathetic, compassionate, and kind with her expressions of thought, whether with undesired attitude or not. Overall, she has a reflective and harmless way. Plus, sheโ€™s a fellow Cancer sign ๐Ÿฆ€ and intuit.

On the other hand, P pushes all my wrong buttons ๐Ÿคฌ despite moments of cuteness and acceptable sauciness. ๐Ÿ˜œ Obviously, sheโ€™s only ten. However, she already has a mastery of selfishness, smugness, and laziness that I cannot wrap my head around as my core values do not align. Her aura is one of frustration for me, because while I believe she will be able to outgrow these less attractive ways, I worry that her early awareness of manipulation and deception will twist her path in becoming an upright human; though, I maintain optimism that I will be totally surprised at being wrong about her.

In another of Mโ€™s strangely dismissive comments about me, to me, he retorted that I judge no one as a โ€œgood parentโ€ all the while not ever having had my own children.

Itโ€™s generally easy to throw this comment at someone who is childless as there is no comeback for them. It is also an excellent way to shut down a discussion or analysis of the human condition. Usually, I take it as a way of evading any potential negative criticism that might be directed at the one closing the door of rhetoric. ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿฝโ€โ™€๏ธ

For me, I freely admit that I donโ€™t know what it is like to raise children and struggle to guide beings into becoming functional adults within my personal life. However, as an educator ๐Ÿ‘ฉ๐Ÿฝโ€๐Ÿซ and researcher in the development of people, I feel that I have both an academic and tangential knowledge of what young people need. The more important aspect is that I view these youth without an emotional or biased attachment that comes with having oneโ€™s own offspring.

So, while my husband can be flippant with his comments, he forgets that I am actually educated in helping children grow, as a classroom tends to be as important for creating adults who contribute to the success of society as does the home. One could even argue that it is more so.

Further to his comment, I am not particularly judging othersโ€™ parenting skills as I am fully aware that life is complicated and itโ€™s a challenge to balance survival with child rearing. I am in awe of people who choose to bring another life into this world and attempt not to โ€˜fโ€™ them up. ๐Ÿ˜… I never felt able to take on such a heavy responsibility as it took me years to sort myself out. So, I have zero regrets for not having my own mini-meโ€™s, but a thousand respects for those who do. ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿฝ

Basically, I find it interesting/curious ๐Ÿง to see how two beings can come from the same parents and be so different. I often ponder out loud how to curb what I deem to be more worrisome characteristics in a young person so that it does not become a challenge for them or their parents later in life. Ultimately, though, everyone does their best – for the most part. Nature is a very strong feature that no matter how much nurturing is given cannot always be tamed.

Either way, Iโ€™ve been learning about myself and M even more through the shared kid-duty responsibilities and enjoying getting to know these young people (and their parents) even more. I look forward to seeing how they change over the coming years. ๐Ÿ’ž

~T ๐Ÿ˜€

Comfort in Isolated Community

 Going Mental  2 Responses »
Apr 092020
 

These days, my parents and I seem to be Skyping about every two weeks. Although they are still young at heart and generally fit, I do remind them that they aren’t getting any younger – much to their chagrin. (It’s my duty as a daughter to keep it real! ) Therefore, our regular catch ups serve multiple purposes. ๐Ÿ˜‰

There were periods of time in the past when it would be months in between our chats. It was partially life, partially technology, partially me, and partially them. There was never a major reason for it – it just happened. Still, I knew I could always call them anytime.

Despite my fairly blase (or anti-drama/extremism/it’s a conspiracy somewhere) attitude toward our current global situation, I realize that it is probably getting more radical as time passes. Therefore, it makes it even more comforting being able to talk with people who think like I do.

Of course, my beliefs are heavily influenced on how I was raised, so it’s natural that my family and I have similar outlooks and responses to the world. But, we have had quite varied life experiences. Also, not everyone who is family thinks the same way – nor should it be expected. Yet, talking with my parents this week made me really appreciate our commonality.

Or, maybe, what I appreciate is that we have always had the ability to share freely how we think about life without judgement or fear of upsetting the other. Thinking back, this has always been the case. Our immediate family has no secrets – that I know of! – from each other; of course, it wouldn’t be a secret if I knew. ๐Ÿ˜› Perhaps, it is that I have no secrets from my family; therefore, I feel completely at ease discussing any topic with them whether it is in person, via Skype, or through writing.

It is a reminder to me how perfect of a match my parents are to me.

Once, my brother shared his opinion of our parents, which drastically differed from my own. This is absolutely not to say that he doesn’t love them to pieces, but he experienced growing up with them in a different way than I did.

It’s one of those great psychological wonders: how do the same parents end up with two completely different children in personality? We’ve all read about, seen, or even know examples of this dichotomy. It’s always a mystery. If we consider that the parents treated each child basically the same, then how can the children grow up to be so different?

Well, we are individuals, of course. We all experience the same events in a myriad of ways that are unique to our psychological and chemical make-up. Of course, we are influenced by our environment, and obviously even the best of parents cannot treat their children exactly the same (no matter how much they try to convince us otherwise).

Still, some siblings are shown to think exactly the same. Some families are shown to be a complete entity of their own.

For most of my young life, I believed this kind of similarity could only happened to blood families. If you shared DNA, then it was no mystery as why or how they were similar.

However, with age comes some wisdom and with reflection comes knowledge. It is not always about blood, but it is always about spirit. The Universe deemed it right and completely logical that I would be raised by two people that I call ‘Mom’ and ‘Dad’. I didn’t at first as it took me years to convince myself that they were mine to keep forever. But, now, there’s no doubt that we are cut from the same cloth – just with different designs.

So, during this time of self-isolation and quarantine, I find that it is not that hard to be away from others. It’s like my best dream come true, really – though not so great as to the way it came about.

I don’t have to communicate with others to absorb their reactions to the situation and vice versa. I don’t have to worry about offending others if I disagree or stress myself out in keeping my thoughts to myself. I don’t have to be influenced by other’s energies other than my husband’s.

It’s bliss.

Just a final disclaimer – I’m not an advocate of surrounding oneself with those who always think the same or mutually agree on everything. OMG, would that be boring! I do love a good debate and discussion on different perspectives. I’m just saying that in this time of high anxiety and stress for most, it is comforting to know that I have an isolated community who gets me. ๐Ÿ˜‰

~T ๐Ÿ˜€

The Self: Part 1

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Oct 232018
 

The other day, I sat outside during my lunch break to enjoy the beautiful cool, but sunny day. I’m sure that last year at this time I lamented about people’s tendency to say that there are no longer four seasons in Japan, and that ‘fall’ is near non-existent.

Yet, as I sat outside soaking up the sun under the trees with leaves that are changing color, I would beg to differ (yet again) with anyone who wants to keep saying that we are not experiencing an autumnal season. Perhaps this is just still coming from someone who spent nearly nine years where there truly aren’t notable seasons.

While I sat by the river, I initially was on my phone looking at social media. Then, I changed to reading a book thinking that was a better use of my time. In the end, though, I realized that I should just put the phone down and be in the world – enjoy the so-called ‘non-existent’ season.

So, I watched runners along the river, employees enjoying lunch in the weather, mothers walking with their children, and other individuals also enjoying the world around them. Instead of missing the seasonal changes by burrowing myself into my phone, I absorbed life around me with a great thirst.

It is usually when I stop to absorb life that I am able to contemplate. So, through my observations, I pondered:ย  ‘Who am I in the grand scheme of this life?’ ‘Would anyone miss me if I didn’t answer my phone, post on social media or go back to work?’ (This is not a cry for help – truly just a musing of my mind.) ๐Ÿ˜‰ What am I really doing that is of any significance – great or small?

Obviously, I know I am loved, valued and cherished by various people whether they tell me or not. I have no regrets in my life and am actually finding a new level of peace in who I am in this moment. Yet, I also recognize and appreciate that while I am just one person, just one speck, just one among millions, I still want to be contributing to the betterment of society. My contribution can be as small as a grain of sand or as big as the universe deems worthy – I really don’t care about the scale of it; just that I am doing something beyond myself.

This, in turn, caused me to follow another thought path that has been in and out of my contemplations lately: What is the line between self-care and just plain selfishness?

It is so trendy now to use terms like ‘self-care’, ‘taking care of number one’, etc. We are in this self-pampering and me-time world, where we have started to justify self-centeredness with a slight twist of the words to change the nuance so that we can feel better about pushing others away or demanding others to behave on our terms.

Now, I am not trying to downplay acts for self-protection or -preservation. I am in full agreement of ‘f@#k politeness’ as one of the themes of my favorite podcast. However, these thoughts/terms have a place and a time when they should be employed and even celebrated. They should not be a justification to become cold towards the world or those around us.

So, it leads me back to the self. What is the line? Is there a line? Should there be a line?

Of course, life is not as black and white as I would like it to be. Even grey is dulled out by all the colors that are out there.ย 

But, I question – have we over-complicated life? At what expense are we taking care of ourselves, looking out for number one, and saying we are who we are? I’m not sure anymore….

So here ends Part 1. Part 2 to come….

~T ๐Ÿ˜€

Limbs of Negativity

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Oct 122018
 

I am not a fan of the underwater. While others seem to have a fascination of life below the land surface, I do not. In fact, I have a great fear of drowning from an attack by the creatures below.

The worst types of water creatures for me are those with snake-like features – especially the Octopus. Although my fear may be irrationally based on images from pop culture, I imagine one swipe of the suction-cup side of a limb will poison me to death as it carries me down into the dark depths of the ocean drowning out my existence. (Dramatic?!) Therefore, I try to avoid situations that might give any such kind of creature an opportunity to darken my world.

Negativity receives a similar response.

I firmly believe people have auras that surround them. Some people see it in color. Some see it in shades from light to dark. Some see it as balls of energy. Or, any combination of readings. (Some may not see them at all ;))

For me, I see shades from light to dark with aspects of energy sparks. Those who carry around dark shades with high sparks of energy are the octopuses of the land-walkers. Not only will their limbs of negativity poison you, their suckers consume the energies of light others carry around. The seeming cliche imagery of dark clouds covering sunlight is not for nothing.

This is not to say that I am always a ray of sunshine to mine or others’ lives. However, I do try my best (perhaps my husband would disagree ๐Ÿ˜› ) to stay upbeat and positive.

So, when we are individually struggling with our own balance and maintenance to stay in the light, it is all the more frustrating and irritating to have to deal with the dark limbs of others’ negativity.ย 

An online search on how to deal with colleagues or others who fit this description provides results with advice that are obvious and yet nearly impossible:ย  avoid them, tell them, listen with compassion as much as you can, put yourself in their shoes, blah blah blah.

I recently went to a talk calledย Sacred Self-Care. One of the points the speaker, Nirmal Raj Gyawali pointed out was that we have a finite amount of energy throughout a limited amount of time (our lives). Therefore, why spend energy and time on the things that do us no good? Inย yoga speak, we say ‘those things which do not serve us’.ย 

With this in mind, then, rather than just forcing myself to have compassion (which is still needed) or enduring the poisonous sparks of negative energy that threaten to put out the light I try to shine, I feel as if I should just walk away.ย 

In today’s world and real-life situations, that means putting on my headphones in the office to tune out those who are spewing out dark flames or, at times, it might even mean taking some ‘mental health’ days to stay at home to recoup and store up energy to keep the light shining not only within myself, but hopefully for others in my life as well.

Still, there are days (like today) where the negative poison enters my veins. Without an outlet like posting here, I am sure that the dark clouds would smother the positive light.

Thankfully, I think I have managed to fight off the threatening limbs of negativity as the weekend is about to begin. ๐Ÿ˜€

~T ๐Ÿ˜€

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