Kindness and Respect

 Going Mental  1 Response »
Mar 112024
 

I’m in a bit of a post-travels slump. The weather isn’t helping as it is pouring rain as I type this now. It has been a little chilly, though not overly so, but the rain 🌧️🌧️ and thunderstorms β›ˆοΈβ›ˆοΈ and wind πŸ’¨πŸ’¨ have not been inspiring. 😟

Although it is likely to sound spoiled of me to complain about the weather after having been away on travels for three weeks, I am doing it anyway! πŸ€ͺ We had thought that by now we would have escaped most of the bad weather as we are indeed “fair-weather” people. Apparently, this is the tail end of spring’s entrance and we are hoping for sunnier skies soon. β˜€οΈ

So, keeping with the doom and gloom theme – today’s post is about the use of words and tone.

There are any number of quotes or song lyrics about how words can be weapons. While some people use them freely without thought or care, others take so much time to consider each one before speaking or sharing. Somewhere in the middle, as is the case for most things in life, is the balance of expressing ourselves adequately yet with consideration on how they might be received.

In this day and age of being told that it is not for us to worry about how others respond to what we say or do, the need for taking responsibility in affecting the response has been shirked away as “not my problem”. However, imagine how just the simple tone of statements can be received in such different ways. Then, add on all the nuances of meanings behind words that vary person to person and see the complication of communication. So, why make it even harder or worse by being unkind from the beginning?

Kindness in heart. Kindness in intention. Kindness in gestures. Kindness in words.

This should be our starting point for all conversations. Follow this with the feeling of respect and I can guarantee that even the most contentious of discussions can be had without belittling, dismissing, or hurting the other person’s feelings or sense of identity.

It is really no wonder that our world is in a constant state of tension, anger, and frustration. Humans have lost the art of kindness and respect yet crave it to the point that it is commanded rather than demanded through presence and etiquette. These days, I feel very old or of another world. Social and personal standards are dropping, but if I express my lamentations of it I am seen as the odd-ball. So, I have started to withdraw from society and others.

Unfortunately, this is not working for me either. Now that we are back home and returning to our regular lives, I am finding that I need to adjust my strategy in building a lifestyle that is fulfilling. I’ve let myself carry on limiting beliefs; thus limiting my chances at experiences, friendships, and who knows what else.

Therefore, I am determined to break out of my self-created box. With my own words of kindness and respect, I hope that I can create a bit of sunshine in the rainy and stormy lives of others as well as my own. πŸ₯°

~T πŸ”₯πŸ‰β™‹οΈ

Class Never Ages

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Feb 122024
 

It’s award season. πŸ† Whether or not she would agree, I always felt that watching the Grammy’s or Oscar’s was something my mom and I bonded over. Probably, at the time, it never seemed like it meant much to me and over the years, she wouldn’t know that I make a point of watching these shows as an act of nostalgia. (Now you know, Mom!) πŸ₯°

For the most part, I barely keep up with the latest of anything. I feel pretty content in my life that it is not important for me to know who’s who. However, I had heard that there were some legends performing at this year’s Grammy’s so I tuned in (after it aired live). πŸŽ‰

I was not disappointed by the performances. Even the newbies to me were entertaining.

Yet, I was disappointed by those who have today’s spotlight amongst the youth. 🫀 Now, I realize that I might be showing my age (gasp!), but I felt a real un-relatability to the likes of Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift. While the masses seem to enjoy jumping on the bandwagon of either hate or love for these two, especially TS, I could really care less. I enjoy some tunes from both and dislike many tunes from both. That is not the age gap, in my opinion.

What is the issue at hand, is the lack of class. πŸ˜” Both of these ladies, who are touted as being role models for young females of today, gave acceptance speeches that were contradictory and lacking humility. “I accept this award, but I don’t need this award.” “Thank you for this, but it doesn’t mean anything because I’ll keep doing what I do.” “I’ve already won so many of these, but I make my music for you.” These kinds of words are so strange. 😟

At the crux of it for me, was the lack of etiquette, appreciation, and humility to be recognized. In this growing entitled, social media is everything world, I cannot relate to the inability to simply say “Thank you. I appreciate the recognition and I hope to keep making music that you all continue to enjoy.” That’s all they need to say. Nothing more. 🀫

Anyway, as my dad likes to repeatedly point out, giving them time and attention feeds into the problem. Or, at least I choose to turn his words into a more proactive statement. πŸ€ͺ So, this is all the attention I will give to them for now. I’m sure I’ll have some words about the Super Bowl and the media’s obsession over TS… I mean seriously, who really cares?? Ooops, getting ahead of myself. In my usual tradition, I shall be spending some time on YouTube watching the adverts, highlights of the game, and then will pontificate in a later post – perhaps.

We leave tomorrow for three weeks in Australia, so I just might have better things to do with my time! πŸ˜…

~T πŸ”₯πŸ‰β™‹οΈ

Unbalanced Conversations

 Going Mental  1 Response »
Jul 212022
 

I remember yelling at my ex-husband once that not all stories were about him and that he didn’t always need to revert the conversation back to himself. He looked at me in confusion and said, “But, that’s how people relate and talk.” At the time, I just attributed his style of conversing with me, and others, as his ego and arrogance making him the center of EVERY conversation. 😑

Sadly, social interactions over the years have proven that he was right. 😳

Unfortunately, for me, I still hate it and want to scream when it happens! 🀬

Fortunately, I generally keep these thoughts/reactions to myself (this being one of the exceptions) and accept it’s more common than I would like. 🫀

However, I still believe it is about the ego. But, instead of arrogance I now attribute it to a lack of self-awareness and a need to prove one’s value, worth, and importance.

The truth is that I am on the opposite end of the spectrum when it comes to talking about myself, my opinions, and my experiences. Rather, I write these things, which is a kind of one-sidedness, but then the reader (you) can choose to walk away without hurting my feelings. πŸ˜… I’m not saying it is better – just, that is me and how I relate and talk to others. I do not have a need to prove myself on any level to others – a different form of arrogance. 😬

There is probably a bit of cause-effect happening if I do not talk about myself much, then others may feel the need to overcompensate by talking about themselves more. However, I challenge that logic with a question – why not just ask a question instead of making it about the self? πŸ€”

When the focus becomes constantly about the self, then the interaction no longer has a balance to it resulting in one (usually me) getting bored or frustrated with a conversation because one of a few things tends to happen: 1) stories get repeated, which is SUPER annoying to one who remembers they have already heard the story before, especially if a polite “Oh yeah, you told me that” does not deter the repetition; πŸ™„ 2) the dialogue is no longer such, instead it becomes a monologue, which is only interesting in a play or scene of a film/show; πŸ₯± 3) some kind of negative feeling and energy starts to seep in and settle whenever any further engagement is required making it somewhat challenging to deepen or further a relationship of any kind. πŸ˜΅β€πŸ’«

If I really am interested in someone I tend to ask them questions. If that person asks me questions back and listens without waiting for me to pause so they can jump in with their own story, then I feel seen and heard. 😍 This rarely happens, to be honest.

Often, I tell people that I don’t like people. πŸ™…πŸ½β€β™€οΈ It always makes them laugh with surprise at my bluntness and no one actually believes it. They assume it means that I don’t like to socialize or that I am quiet and shy – a common misnomer of an introvert. Recently, I said maybe I should reword it to something like “I don’t trust people”, but upon thinking about that, it isn’t sufficient enough.

It is true that I do not trust most people, but it is more true that I don’t like people.

On the whole, I do NOT like people. People – as in the mass, a group of individuals, and all the social norms that are associated with people.

However, I DO like persons or individuals.

I cherish those I call friends – my definition is probably a bit different than most, but will save that for another pondering session. I enjoy socializing and time around individuals in groups.

Still, it is a fine line.

Not only do I get exhausted from being around others as an introvert, but my energy is drained even faster when I am around people. I do not thrive on monologic conversations. I do not thrive on the egocentric need to prove oneself through repetitive stories or always having to validate by listening to the rattling of their words. I find it on the same level as talking to children….

So, now that I’ve probably offended you as a reader, I will stop here. I do not mean offense. I just would like to implore πŸ™πŸ½ all individuals to consider that conversations should be like a well-played tennis 🎾 match. At the end of it, both should walk away feeling challenged yet satisfied.

Is that really too much to ask? 😜

~T πŸ”₯πŸ‰β™‹οΈ

“Please”, “Thank you” & Etiquette

 Going Mental  2 Responses »
Mar 102022
 

Before emails, we had typewriters and regular post for staying in touch or conducting business. Before texts, we had telephones requiring a voice conversation. Before social media, we had to face people directly to express ourselves.

While I fully appreciate and take advantage of our modern-day advances, there are some ‘rules of engagement’ that I continue to hold basic to any type of communication. (In fact, this isn’t the first time I’ve written along a similar vein.)

These are: writing greetings and closings in any type of message, and saying both ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ – even if I don’t necessarily mean them or even deem the receiver worthy of the words.

I’ve tried to explain away the lack of following such rules to: generational differences, issues related to certain demographics, or even possibly upbringing. However, after a few conversations with others, who do not lack an understanding of the rules, and a bit of stalking on whether persons-in-question do follow them in other circumstances, these explanations that I have tried to apply do not seem to fit.

Therefore, the only remaining reasons for such poor behavior are disrespect and a sense of entitlement.

Although my father, in his 70-plus years of wisdom, tried to tell me that I cannot change people and that I just have to learn to accept that some people are rude, I have to half disagree. Throughout my life, I have already accepted and believe that people are rude arseholes – that is an easy one to get over. The other is not, as I do not believe that I cannot contribute to changing people. People cannot change if they do not know that they need to. Even if they rebuke my attempt at informing them of another concept of ‘common courtesy’, I still feel that I can feel satisfied that I have done my part to raise awareness and hope for a future growth into a better person.

Still, in doing so, my level of frustration increases and a tense airs hangs about me as I come to terms with my disappointment in humanity. It is strange how the shortest phrases and simplest of words can somehow become the most difficult for people to express.

I’ve started to wonder what sort of energy I am putting out that people feel that they don’t need to be polite to me or follow certain forms of etiquette – especially when they don’t know me and are younger than I. It is very plausible that I have something to learn from these situations – whether it is to accept and move on, stop trying to correct, or learn to ignore it. At the moment, I’m not yet sure what it is, but I trust in the fact that over time my learning will be revealed or my conviction will be vindicated.

Either way, I do hope that society will not start accepting that professional interactions do not need to include greetings and closings nor that ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ are an unnecessary part of ensuring the building of relationships.

Dear Members of Society,

Please use a certain level of etiquette when interacting with fellow members of the world.

Thank you!

Yours truly,

~T πŸ”₯πŸ‰β™‹οΈ

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