Oct 282024
 

I am due to write a proper post about my travels and activities, but I felt it appropriate to take a pause to acknowledge the passing of my cousin this past week.

L was quite a bit older than me and by the time I arrived to the Bilyeu family, he was already living his adult life. Still, he was always kind to me and would make an effort to talk to me even when I was being a selfish teen or an arrogant twenty-something who was traveling the world. Although we never really had anything in common, I appreciated that he had a heart to show interest in me and connect whenever I visited home.

It’s always a shock to lose someone at such a young age, even more so when it is someone you know, and yet more so when it is a member of your family.

Death is inevitable. We cannot escape it. We may wish to put it off as long as possible, but when it is our time, we have no choice in it unless we choose to make it happen sooner.

For me, it’s never been something I fear nor is it something that I run away from. While I do not necessarily welcome the end of life, I am ready whenever my time might come. Unfortunately, I did not know L well enough to know where he stood about life and death, but I wish him a peaceful passing from his time in our lives to wherever comes after. Maybe, we shall converse again in my dreams.

It is a loss for my aunt and other cousins that I can only imagine will inform their grief cycle. So, it is with love and compassion that I write this post in memory of Lance Watkins (October 26, 2024).

~TπŸ”₯πŸ‰β™‹οΈ

Jun 242024
 

The winds of change are afoot for a young 18-year-old who is about to set out into the world as a college student this fall. His transition will be smoother than some since he’s used to summers on his grandparents’ farm and having extended family nearby. His US-based support network is wide.

Before embarking on this new life, he came to see us in Italy as his second trip outside of the US and Japan. The first was to our wedding in Abu Dhabi almost ten years ago. This time, he was old enough to fully appreciate all the offerings of a country with both historical roots and modern contributions.

In a similar fashion, his mother took advantage of an opportunity to travel once more with her son before he leaves the family nest. Sadly, his father had to stay in Japan and work. Still, we endeavored to show them as much as we could in terms of highlights of the overview tour of Italy and a slice of our lives in our home. It seems this was a success.

Ten days flew by with the visit of my BFF and her son, my godson. It was such a lovely time with the two of them. We did a lot, talked a lot, laughed a lot, ate a lot, but only drank a little.

I’m excited to see what the next phase of life brings to them both and feel contented that we could share a special time together in the transition. Good luck, E with your next steps into adulthood. Good luck J and K with your return to the two of you and your life together as empty-nesters.

With love always,

~T πŸ”₯πŸ‰β™‹οΈ

Jun 012024
 

Well, it’s been a hot minute since I last posted. Fortunately, it was for good reason! I got to spend two weeks with my family and catch up with friends in Oregon.

First, there was my dad’s 75th birthday. Normally, he doesn’t do a big show of his birthday but as he’s had a few moments of facing his mortality, he decided it was a good chance to open up for some recognition for the good life he has. There were a mix of people from his past and present who came to celebrate, including his older sister and brother. It was a lot of fun for me to see them!

Then, there were the two cutest newest members of my family and friends’ circle (matched with the blankets I made for them):

Oh my goodness, do I love a bit of bebe snuggles!

Finally, but definitely not the least, was a mother-daughter trip to Vegas to see “Beatles Love” and the amazing Adele.

Every time I go home I feel like it’s the best time. I cherish the moments I get to spend with my family and my friends. It’s a blessing to be able to make regular visits to Oregon, share experiences and conversations, and reconnect with my childhood home.

Now, I’m back in Italy. However, it’s going to be a busy month of June with visitors. We are looking forward to it! Hopefully, I’ll be posting regularly again, though. πŸ˜€

~T πŸ”₯πŸ‰β™‹οΈ

Dec 282023
 

Sometimes unexpected changes in plans brings about an even better experience than the one anticipated.

Although we would have had a lovely time spending the holidays with my parents in the Bahamas, we would have missed out on family time with my brother, catching up with a few family and friends, and enjoying just a quiet chilled time.

The past ten days have really flown by without any tension or stress that can often be felt when five people, who are all rather different and rarely see each other, spend time in close quarters together. Yet, it felt pretty easy peasy to me.

Since it was not so much a time to visit and catch up with everyone possible, we kept a pretty low profile. The main purpose was to hang with my parents and brother, which we achieved. βœ…

Christmas πŸŽ„ was quiet, but ever so lovely. Plus, Santa πŸŽ… was very very good to me. I mean, I was a rather good girl this year. πŸ˜œπŸ˜‚

Now, we are awaiting our flight back to the sun and sand to ring in the near year beachside. 🏝️ More on that once we get settled in.

Mar 232022
 

Yesterday, I participated in an interview for someone doing research on the adoptee diaspora and was struck by a few thoughts stimulated by her questions. One of them is around my concept of ‘home’, which is a recurring question in my mind.

Coincidentally, or not, I had just been talking to my brother for an hour before this interview. It’s the second time this year and already twice as many times as previous years have been in keeping up with him.

My brother and I are very very different people. Still, I love him. I accept him for who he is, and I know that I have not always been the best sister to him over the years as I often focus on my own perspective and experiences in the world. However, as we both age, I recognize how short life is and that he is my family forever, which is important to me. So, this year, I have decided to make more of an effort to catch up with him, but it is, admittedly, a work in progress for me.

Therefore, when I was asked how I define ‘home’ 🏠, I paused.

Home is not a place for me. As in, I rarely refer to Oregon as my home. I do not identify with the State or region much. In fact, I would say that I try not to define myself as a Pacific Northwesterner since I despise the rainy β˜”οΈ, cold πŸ₯Ά, and grey ☁️ weather that it is the trademark of the area. Also, as I find myself having lived longer outside of the US than I have in it, I even wonder at calling myself ‘American’ πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ. Further than that, I am also definitely not ‘Korean’ πŸ‡°πŸ‡· other than the make up of my DNA. So, while I claim American citizenship and Korean heritage, they are not home either.

Ultimately, my cynical self cringes at this but, “home is where the heart is”.

My home is where my parents and my family are. πŸ’› My home is where my husband is. ❀️ My home is where my friends are. πŸ’œ My home is where I have given pieces of my heart. πŸ’› ❀️ πŸ’œ

I used to say that ‘home is where my stuff is’, but the softening of my protected heart has led me to admit that it really is where I have a connection to the people in it. Perhaps this is why I have never really had an attachment to a house or space that I live in or that I feel comfortable traveling around the world.

Still, when we got married, M and I agreed that we were ready to have a ‘home base’ where we could return to together while maintaining our lifestyle exploring new places together. So, our home 🏑 is currently in Italy, but I will, hopefully, be visiting my home soon this summer to see my family and friends in Oregon.

Maybe instead of thinking that “the world is my oyster”, I can rebrand it as “the world is my home”! 😜

~T πŸ”₯πŸ‰β™‹οΈ

Feb 042022
 

My religious beliefs have waxed and waned over the years. Now, I feel as if I have a fairly balanced view and call myself spiritual rather than claiming to be a member of one religious sect. For some, this is a bit of a cop out because they don’t want to necessarily be associated with one seemingly ‘fanatical’ group over another.

In my case, I honestly believe in the realm of spirits and energies over the claim that one entity -unfortunately assigned the pronoun of he/him- controls the human world as we know it. While I cannot give reasonable explanation to the creation of the world, whether or not dinosaurs roamed the earth, or any other cosmic/scientific questioning for physical proof that a God of some sort exists, I can say that I have seen proof of what the Universe and its energies/spirits provide.

Over the years, I have read through the Bible – cover to cover – at least a half a dozen, if not more, times. I have read Buddhist teachings and other spiritually-minded texts. I still aim to eventually finish the Q’ran and other texts just out of interest. For me, these are written by men for mankind, but they do not necessarily speak to the heart and soul. Instead, most are stories and rules to try to control/guide the way of humans who have outsmarted even themselves.

Despite all of my time in and out of churches or reading texts, I have been most fascinated and moved by stories related to angels and spirits. One of my favorite songs growing up was “Angels Among Us” by Alabama. I also voraciously consumed novels about angels warring or spirits watching over us.

Ever since I met him, I have believed that my father is a guardian angel sent to rescue me from all that was evil in my life. Of course, I know he’s a man in flesh and blood. Of course, I know he is fallible. However, I know with all of my heart that both my mom and my dad were sent to adopt me for a reason and that most definitely saved me from going down a very different path in my life.

As I got older, this became even more evident to me.

After not seeing either of my parents for over two years, it is starting to wear on me. Yesterday, we video-chatted and I had a little one-on-one chat with each of them making it even clearer that I need to see them this year. So, plans are in the works!

~T πŸ˜€

Aug 142021
 

It’s true that I have a critical view of the world and people. I probably should have trained to become a judge πŸ‘©πŸ½β€βš–οΈ as I hold individuals, including myself, to a high moral standard. Also, I am a constant observer, analyst, and commentator on human behavior. Often, this comes out as harsh, arrogant, and not very empathetic or compassionate comments to those who are privy to my personal thoughts.

For the past month we have been staying with friends with an occasional trade-off of watching their daughters. Even when our friends are home, we still spend quite a bit of time with the girls. One (P) has just turned 10 and the other (C) recently turned 12 – going on 40.

While I generally enjoy children, I have never been able to cope with certain behaviors – no matter what age.

With C, I basically have no issue as we have a similar temperament and her being a middle-aged pre-teen is relatable for me. Of course, like any human, she has moments of irritation and clear lack of life experience. I AM empathetic, compassionate, and kind with her expressions of thought, whether with undesired attitude or not. Overall, she has a reflective and harmless way. Plus, she’s a fellow Cancer sign πŸ¦€ and intuit.

On the other hand, P pushes all my wrong buttons 🀬 despite moments of cuteness and acceptable sauciness. 😜 Obviously, she’s only ten. However, she already has a mastery of selfishness, smugness, and laziness that I cannot wrap my head around as my core values do not align. Her aura is one of frustration for me, because while I believe she will be able to outgrow these less attractive ways, I worry that her early awareness of manipulation and deception will twist her path in becoming an upright human; though, I maintain optimism that I will be totally surprised at being wrong about her.

In another of M’s strangely dismissive comments about me, to me, he retorted that I judge no one as a β€œgood parent” all the while not ever having had my own children.

It’s generally easy to throw this comment at someone who is childless as there is no comeback for them. It is also an excellent way to shut down a discussion or analysis of the human condition. Usually, I take it as a way of evading any potential negative criticism that might be directed at the one closing the door of rhetoric. πŸ€·πŸ½β€β™€οΈ

For me, I freely admit that I don’t know what it is like to raise children and struggle to guide beings into becoming functional adults within my personal life. However, as an educator πŸ‘©πŸ½β€πŸ« and researcher in the development of people, I feel that I have both an academic and tangential knowledge of what young people need. The more important aspect is that I view these youth without an emotional or biased attachment that comes with having one’s own offspring.

So, while my husband can be flippant with his comments, he forgets that I am actually educated in helping children grow, as a classroom tends to be as important for creating adults who contribute to the success of society as does the home. One could even argue that it is more so.

Further to his comment, I am not particularly judging others’ parenting skills as I am fully aware that life is complicated and it’s a challenge to balance survival with child rearing. I am in awe of people who choose to bring another life into this world and attempt not to β€˜f’ them up. πŸ˜… I never felt able to take on such a heavy responsibility as it took me years to sort myself out. So, I have zero regrets for not having my own mini-me’s, but a thousand respects for those who do. πŸ™πŸ½

Basically, I find it interesting/curious 🧐 to see how two beings can come from the same parents and be so different. I often ponder out loud how to curb what I deem to be more worrisome characteristics in a young person so that it does not become a challenge for them or their parents later in life. Ultimately, though, everyone does their best – for the most part. Nature is a very strong feature that no matter how much nurturing is given cannot always be tamed.

Either way, I’ve been learning about myself and M even more through the shared kid-duty responsibilities and enjoying getting to know these young people (and their parents) even more. I look forward to seeing how they change over the coming years. πŸ’ž

~T πŸ˜€

Apr 092020
 

These days, my parents and I seem to be Skyping about every two weeks. Although they are still young at heart and generally fit, I do remind them that they aren’t getting any younger – much to their chagrin. (It’s my duty as a daughter to keep it real! ) Therefore, our regular catch ups serve multiple purposes. πŸ˜‰

There were periods of time in the past when it would be months in between our chats. It was partially life, partially technology, partially me, and partially them. There was never a major reason for it – it just happened. Still, I knew I could always call them anytime.

Despite my fairly blase (or anti-drama/extremism/it’s a conspiracy somewhere) attitude toward our current global situation, I realize that it is probably getting more radical as time passes. Therefore, it makes it even more comforting being able to talk with people who think like I do.

Of course, my beliefs are heavily influenced on how I was raised, so it’s natural that my family and I have similar outlooks and responses to the world. But, we have had quite varied life experiences. Also, not everyone who is family thinks the same way – nor should it be expected. Yet, talking with my parents this week made me really appreciate our commonality.

Or, maybe, what I appreciate is that we have always had the ability to share freely how we think about life without judgement or fear of upsetting the other. Thinking back, this has always been the case. Our immediate family has no secrets – that I know of! – from each other; of course, it wouldn’t be a secret if I knew. πŸ˜› Perhaps, it is that I have no secrets from my family; therefore, I feel completely at ease discussing any topic with them whether it is in person, via Skype, or through writing.

It is a reminder to me how perfect of a match my parents are to me.

Once, my brother shared his opinion of our parents, which drastically differed from my own. This is absolutely not to say that he doesn’t love them to pieces, but he experienced growing up with them in a different way than I did.

It’s one of those great psychological wonders: how do the same parents end up with two completely different children in personality? We’ve all read about, seen, or even know examples of this dichotomy. It’s always a mystery. If we consider that the parents treated each child basically the same, then how can the children grow up to be so different?

Well, we are individuals, of course. We all experience the same events in a myriad of ways that are unique to our psychological and chemical make-up. Of course, we are influenced by our environment, and obviously even the best of parents cannot treat their children exactly the same (no matter how much they try to convince us otherwise).

Still, some siblings are shown to think exactly the same. Some families are shown to be a complete entity of their own.

For most of my young life, I believed this kind of similarity could only happened to blood families. If you shared DNA, then it was no mystery as why or how they were similar.

However, with age comes some wisdom and with reflection comes knowledge. It is not always about blood, but it is always about spirit. The Universe deemed it right and completely logical that I would be raised by two people that I call ‘Mom’ and ‘Dad’. I didn’t at first as it took me years to convince myself that they were mine to keep forever. But, now, there’s no doubt that we are cut from the same cloth – just with different designs.

So, during this time of self-isolation and quarantine, I find that it is not that hard to be away from others. It’s like my best dream come true, really – though not so great as to the way it came about.

I don’t have to communicate with others to absorb their reactions to the situation and vice versa. I don’t have to worry about offending others if I disagree or stress myself out in keeping my thoughts to myself. I don’t have to be influenced by other’s energies other than my husband’s.

It’s bliss.

Just a final disclaimer – I’m not an advocate of surrounding oneself with those who always think the same or mutually agree on everything. OMG, would that be boring! I do love a good debate and discussion on different perspectives. I’m just saying that in this time of high anxiety and stress for most, it is comforting to know that I have an isolated community who gets me. πŸ˜‰

~T πŸ˜€

Mar 202017
 
Since we are already a quarter into the year, I thought it would be prudent to do a bit of a check-in on my New Year’s Resolutions made. After all, why make them if I do not intend to check in or follow through? So, here they are (linked to the original) with some updates on my progress so far. πŸ™‚
Well, the six-pack is in progress, but not quite there yet. Or, perhaps I have regressed a bit. First, I had not yet anticipated the amount of yoga that I was going to have to do regularly; therefore, I cut back on my gym time. Still, the yoga is not getting me there either, so I will need to re-evaluate this.
Also, we were playing around with a different diet which I have discovered is not going to work for me at all. Therefore, this is being tweaked, but I am hopeful that it shall be coming soon! πŸ˜›
The waiting list is in the works, I hope. My client base is growing, which is definitely good. However, I have let my organization and momentum fade a bit. I am not sure why on this just yet, but think I’ll be refreshed in April after my upcoming holiday.
I am taking an online psychology course at the moment, so am happy with that progress. The option for wellness retreats is possibly in the works, but I need to speak to some more people about this option. Also, I am considering signing up for an online nutrition course as well, so these learning options are in the works.
I am also going to be adjusting the blog side of my business website to include more ‘lifestyle’ elements.
In the writing area I am writing periodically to get something together, so there is progress there as well!!
Well, things are progressing a bit slower in this category. The good news is that the debt is getting paid slowly, but we are not quite caught up yet. Since we still have an exit plan for June, we are going to have to step up in this area a bit more.
As I write this, I am on my way to visitingΒ my BFF and spending time with my godson, so that is definitely meeting my goals! πŸ˜€
I am also very selective about my time these days, choosing to spend it with those that I want to invest in and those who also give back to me.
I must admit that I am at a bit of a crossroads with my brother. I tried to reach out and then never heard back. I know that I have not tried hard enough and so I need to give it another go. So, I will soon. πŸ˜€
In the meantime I am doing what I can to at least focus on the other goals. Hubby and I are in phases with going electronics free times, but we are bonding and staying strong together. <3
So, overall, I am content with my progress at this quarterly check-in. I can see where I have not been as good or may need to balance out a bit more. It also keeps me motivated to keep going for these goals I set!!!
~T πŸ˜€
Jan 122017
 

Some might find it strange to have goals about family, but the truth is that family is often who we take for granted the most. Yet, they play such a vital role in ensuring that we feel supported, loved, encouraged and safe every day. So, I believe it is important to also create goals around how to foster our family connections.

Therefore, here are my goals for my family – some I mentioned yesterday as they also overlap with Relationships.

*Make sure I get to see my parents at least once this year – hopefully twice with a mother-daughter trip in there as it is my mama’s year. (As a side, I try to alternate years with a mother-daughter or father-daughter trip or outing to spend that QT I love with my parents. πŸ˜€ )

*Make a stronger effort to keep in touch with my brother – we message now and then on FB or text, but I would like to focus more and work harder at having regular contact with him because I feel we have drifted a bit in the last few years.

*Continue to be there for my new step-daughters in whatever form they may need me to be – a listening ear, a presence and support for their father, whatever is needed. πŸ˜‰

*Spoil my godson more somehow…. πŸ˜€ He’s already 11!!! WTF?! So, he’s at the age now where he’ll remember doing things together or finding value in shared activities. Being so far away makes this a challenge, but I am sure there is a way.

*Connect better/more with my step-niece. She joined our family when she was 8 and then 8/9 years later moved away when my brother and her mother divorced. We have kept in touch, but as time has passed I have kept to myself, so I would like to make more effort.

*Stay up with my cousins – Thank goodness for FB!! If it weren’t for that, I would hardly ever know what was going on with my cuzes. Now, I can keep up more.

*Last but not least – my husband – we have agreed to have fortnightly (every two weeks) date nights to stick to. We are focusing on eating our meals at the dinner table without electronics to catch up with one another at the end of the day. I will continue to do all I can to love and support him in all areas of our life together. πŸ˜€

So…I think I have hit everything here. Not much more to say – I love my family!!! πŸ˜€

~T πŸ˜€

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