A few days ago I posted this link about Internet porn addiction on Facebook. A colleague at work made a comment and I responded saying how my ex was/is an addict.
This morning, a former colleague and FB friend whom I only ever talk to at a conference once a year, but used to be our mutual friend sent me a message chastising me (in few words) about ‘outing’ my ex for his addiction.
At first I thought oh how nice he wrote to me. Then, I re-read and realized he still was taking L’s side after all these years. Because it is an addiction and something a person needs help with, he is still the victim – not me. He tried to patronize me by saying he was sorry for my side of it, but the truth is that he was writing to me to chastise, which is not a sympathetic expression of our friendship. Typical of his behavior and attitude at the time that L and I were separating.
The truth is that it is time for me to ‘out’ him and to talk about it. People should know the truth. It has been 5 years since our official divorce and nearly 11 years since I found out the truth about him. For 16 years, I have said very little. I have been okay with everyone thinking I was the bad half of our marriage. I never stepped out to make him seen in a negative light at all. Now, he is married again with two boys and no one I know now even knows him or has ever seen him. Therefore, why should I care about protecting him? If he has chosen to continue to live a life of darkness, that is no longer my problem.
So, I wrote this back. I also explained that I appreciate his opinion, but that it is indeed just an opinion to me as we are not really friends and he does not actually care about my side of the situation. True friends do not chastise while pretending to care when they have never once tried to fully understand the situation they think they know everything about.
Today’s rant finished. π
-T
