The Comfort of Solitude

 Going Mental  2 Responses »
Aug 302022
 

Technically I am not alone as my puppies and the kitties are with me, plus there is the constant sound of nature all around, but for the last 24 and next 36 hours I am in the physical presence of no other humans. M has gone away on his own retreat of sorts in Brussels where he will hopefully feel refreshed and energized from his preferred city of choice.

While I have had conversations with people, I am enjoying my solitary way of life. First of all, I am extremely productive when left to my own time schedule and daily activities. It takes me back to the early pandemic lockdown days when M would still be able to go off to work, but I was able to work from home.

There is something very satisfying and comforting to have a space all to myself. For one, I know that the kitchen will stay clean, surfaces devoid of clutter, and items still put in their designated locations. 😬🤪 However, even deeper than that is the freedom in knowing that no one is going to come interrupt a thought, or there is no need to negotiate time in how it is spent or things that need to be done. Even words do not need to be wasted. 🤫

As I did my yoga this morning and sat for a few minutes (until the dogs decided it was time for a walk), I acknowledged the need for balance in finding time for and with ourselves as well as with others.

There is no doubt in my mind that I love my married life and sharing time, space, and words with my partner gives me a sense of place in this world. He makes me feel meaningful since I do often question what it is that I am doing in this life. In contrast, as someone who loves being in my own company and head, I am most comfortable on my own lost in my contemplations, creations, and conscious.

Yet, too much of either can create an imbalance.

I feel graced by the fact that the Universe took heed to my list requirements in a partner and put someone who understands the importance of a balance of alone time and together time in my life. Although we are so different in many ways, it doesn’t matter because we always strive to find the middle ground that works for both of us.

So, though, I might complain about this or that when it comes to getting my introverted voice heard by the extrovert in my life, I am definitely not doing so when it comes to enjoying the solitude I get to have for a momentary while longer. 😅

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Standing in and Sharing the Light

 Going Mental  2 Responses »
Aug 102020
 

Generally, I limit my social media interactions. For the longest time, I thought it was just because I do not care so much about what is going on in other people’s lives that I need to be updated regularly. However, just as its use has evolved, so has my reasoning for why I’m bothered by about 90% of what is out there these days.

Some time back someone recommended an author to me who writes about the peri menopausal/menopausal conditions of an aging woman from a rather humorous perspective – Nora Ephron. I read one of her books and it was indeed relatable and entertaining, but there was something that rubbed me wrong as I was reading her book “I Feel Bad About My Neck: And Other Thoughts on Being a Woman”. Initially, I thought it was the experiences she relates as a white, middle class, empty-nesting mother. Or, I thought perhaps I am just not yet old enough to appreciate it.

However, as time passed and I contemplated it more, I have found that the same niggling that bothered me about Ephron’s book is what irritates me about most social media posts (in particular, FB).

Some people are like me who post the various things they do in a day with a more upbeat tone. I try to share things to let those who follow me – particularly my family whom I don’t get to see often – that I’m still alive and enjoying life, for the most part. I do not post to have political discussions or to commiserate about the woes of my life. My outlet for that is this blog and it is one-sided mostly – as in, almost no one comments and even then there isn’t a back and forth dialog that happens on FB.

It is that aspect of commiseration that bothers me. Ephron’s book is one long commiseration for others in the same mindset and phase of life as the author. However, the tone of the pity party isn’t to uplift or to inspire, but to wallow and help others to feel okay about wallowing as well. In other words, the message is “Don’t feel bad about feeling bad, others feel bad too.”

While I understand the need to acknowledge that sometimes we just need to vent and have at least one person out there make us feel accepted and not alone, I do not think that this should be done on social media. Along the same vein, I do not think that social media should be used to present our lives as better than they are to give others a false sense of who we are.

People have sometimes asked me if my life is as good as it seems when I post pictures of my holidays or what I see and do. I always answer, YES my life is THAT good. It is. But, when I do have my down moments, I look to those around me to offer support and love or I call home to connect and address my homesickness. I do not put it up on a platform to make myself feel better by getting words of commiseration from people whom I may or may not really know and continuing a cycle of: not feeling bad that I feel bad because others also feel bad, so let’s all feel bad together….

The fact is that many people out there are truly struggling. Perhaps they can’t find work. Perhaps they can barely put food on the table. With quarantine and pandemic rhetoric, there are probably people suffering from depression, and isolation may not be serving them well. Therefore, posting about our inability to travel or go out regularly or having to cope with the ‘new normal’ – I hate this phrase, by the way -, we are promoting a negative message. For some, they may think, “If this person, who seems to have it all together, is moaning, then how will I ever get out of my own spiraling personal hell?!”

The truth is that many of us are quite privileged – we have the luxury to eat fully, bake regularly, work from home, order food if we don’t want to cook, see friends nearby, video chat with family from afar, and so much more. So, I feel that we should be sharing the little ways that we find joy in our days – a colorful butterfly, a flower blossom, ducklings on the river, the smile of a neighbor, moments to write or start new projects, etc. Spreading moments of joy and happiness provides others with hope and may inspire them to also see light in their version of darkness.

I’m not saying we should pretend that our lives are grand. I’m saying that the old adage of “If you don’t have anything nice to say/post, then don’t say/post it at all (especially on social media)” should be put into place, especially as we navigate our way through the current state of the world. If we all work toward bringing a little bit more light into the world, then even our own clouds of grey can be swept away.

~T 😀

Comfort in Isolated Community

 Going Mental  2 Responses »
Apr 092020
 

These days, my parents and I seem to be Skyping about every two weeks. Although they are still young at heart and generally fit, I do remind them that they aren’t getting any younger – much to their chagrin. (It’s my duty as a daughter to keep it real! ) Therefore, our regular catch ups serve multiple purposes. 😉

There were periods of time in the past when it would be months in between our chats. It was partially life, partially technology, partially me, and partially them. There was never a major reason for it – it just happened. Still, I knew I could always call them anytime.

Despite my fairly blase (or anti-drama/extremism/it’s a conspiracy somewhere) attitude toward our current global situation, I realize that it is probably getting more radical as time passes. Therefore, it makes it even more comforting being able to talk with people who think like I do.

Of course, my beliefs are heavily influenced on how I was raised, so it’s natural that my family and I have similar outlooks and responses to the world. But, we have had quite varied life experiences. Also, not everyone who is family thinks the same way – nor should it be expected. Yet, talking with my parents this week made me really appreciate our commonality.

Or, maybe, what I appreciate is that we have always had the ability to share freely how we think about life without judgement or fear of upsetting the other. Thinking back, this has always been the case. Our immediate family has no secrets – that I know of! – from each other; of course, it wouldn’t be a secret if I knew. 😛 Perhaps, it is that I have no secrets from my family; therefore, I feel completely at ease discussing any topic with them whether it is in person, via Skype, or through writing.

It is a reminder to me how perfect of a match my parents are to me.

Once, my brother shared his opinion of our parents, which drastically differed from my own. This is absolutely not to say that he doesn’t love them to pieces, but he experienced growing up with them in a different way than I did.

It’s one of those great psychological wonders: how do the same parents end up with two completely different children in personality? We’ve all read about, seen, or even know examples of this dichotomy. It’s always a mystery. If we consider that the parents treated each child basically the same, then how can the children grow up to be so different?

Well, we are individuals, of course. We all experience the same events in a myriad of ways that are unique to our psychological and chemical make-up. Of course, we are influenced by our environment, and obviously even the best of parents cannot treat their children exactly the same (no matter how much they try to convince us otherwise).

Still, some siblings are shown to think exactly the same. Some families are shown to be a complete entity of their own.

For most of my young life, I believed this kind of similarity could only happened to blood families. If you shared DNA, then it was no mystery as why or how they were similar.

However, with age comes some wisdom and with reflection comes knowledge. It is not always about blood, but it is always about spirit. The Universe deemed it right and completely logical that I would be raised by two people that I call ‘Mom’ and ‘Dad’. I didn’t at first as it took me years to convince myself that they were mine to keep forever. But, now, there’s no doubt that we are cut from the same cloth – just with different designs.

So, during this time of self-isolation and quarantine, I find that it is not that hard to be away from others. It’s like my best dream come true, really – though not so great as to the way it came about.

I don’t have to communicate with others to absorb their reactions to the situation and vice versa. I don’t have to worry about offending others if I disagree or stress myself out in keeping my thoughts to myself. I don’t have to be influenced by other’s energies other than my husband’s.

It’s bliss.

Just a final disclaimer – I’m not an advocate of surrounding oneself with those who always think the same or mutually agree on everything. OMG, would that be boring! I do love a good debate and discussion on different perspectives. I’m just saying that in this time of high anxiety and stress for most, it is comforting to know that I have an isolated community who gets me. 😉

~T 😀

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