Apr 082021
 

As I cannot breathe through my nose, thanks to allergies, it is even easier to hear me exhale loudly and fully release the dark energies that can easily enter my body and mind.

I’m not a shy person, and I have no aversion to speaking my mind. However, what I have realized (again) is that it doesn’t always serve a meaningful purpose to open my mouth or do anything other than smile and listen.

Since I have arrived in France, and we have settled in with our friends, I have found myself getting caught up in their personal lives. Some are more dramatic than others. Some are more negative than others. Some are more “normal” than others. No matter the situation, the reality is that I do not need to spend time or energy on judging or speculating on their lives. Obviously, if I were asked to be involved, that would be a different kind of conversation, but that is not what I speak of in this case.

I am reminded of Mrs. Rachel Lynde from one of my all-time favorite stories, Anne of Green Gables, who was constantly all up in other people’s business whether or not anyone wanted her to be. While outwardly everyone dislikes her character, we know that she represents a side of every one of us – unless we choose to deny the admittance of this truth. Still, I find that the constancy of being involved in that which is not ours to be so is exhausting and rather depressing, if I’m honest. The frustrating aspect of Mrs. Lynde is that she never stops to consider that perhaps her nose is too regularly plugged up to realize that her breath is never full and so the exhale is never truly cleansing of the dark energies that can fill the body and mind.

Thankfully, I am not that character. Being able to recognize that certain behaviors and thought patterns are not beneficial is a gift that I cherish and am thankful to have been given awareness of. Still, it is easy to get caught up in the whirl of chaos that gets spun.

It is often a point of ponder as to how people manage to maintain an even keel when so much of the world is a swirling dirt cloud like Pig-Pen. It’s easier to see how we can get sucked into the vortex of despair and dismay when social media perpetuates like-mindedness without an off-button, or opportunity, to change the lens filter to realize that there are differing (and acceptable) points of views that are just as legitimate and logical as those we may think, for the moment, are the right ones.

I recently re-listened to the audiobook version of The Hill We Climb by Amanda Gorman. Like most of the world, I am in awe of her words and presence. She feels like a gift and that whiff of air that forces us to breathe deeply because we want to take in more of the scent of hope and inspiration that she has put out into the universe.

This is the kind of inhalation I want to have that breaks past the blockages of my nose so that the light and hope can enter my body and mind. I’m more than happy to push pause on the words that I may be unnecessarily spewing out and reset so that the energy shades I release are ones that further spread the light, joy, and hope into the world in which I am blessed to exist in.

~T πŸ˜€

Dec 222016
 

Getting myself out of the house and remembering where I live is my first step to getting myself away from the threat of the dark state that wants to settle back in to my psyche disturbing my way of life. 

Yesterday morning or maybe during the day I read this article on Facebook about the 6 Secret Signs of Hidden Depression. As I read it I said to myself, this is me every day and describes me on a regular basis even on my good days! 😳😬 I think that it kind of worried M a bit when I shared this reality because it is true that I have been a bit on the downward spiral with some days better than others, but in general lately I have felt especially tired and less motivated each morning to get up. πŸ˜”

Even this morning, I wondered to myself, what will motivate me to get out of the bed let alone out of the house? πŸ€”

First, the promise of getting to the pool for a swim (if the water was warm enough) was one step as our short trip the other day reminded both of us of the benefits of getting out in the sun and enjoy what this region has to offer with the wonderful weather this time of year. β˜€οΈ

Second, the cleaner was there and we both hate to be in the house when she is there. So, after getting her started, it was a good reason for me to not be in the house. 

Ultimately, I also knew that I needed to make use of my time since M is away until afternoon for work and I have not been keeping up with my writing and planning time to get things done online. I do have quite a few things to do on the computer with some project ideas for ways to boost income online. This requires wifi, which is why I can sometimes justify staying inside all day; however, I am writing this now offline and know that I can later go in to paste into a post. Usually, I do save my online work for when M is not at home so that I can spend my time with him, but the truth is that I need to alter this thinking a bit since our time ‘together’ tends to revolve around watching TV, which is not really the best use of my time nor really quality time for us. Therefore, I am going to be re-working this since he is going to be around more the next week or so due to the holidays and people being away keeping his schedule light.

In any case, I am being a bit slow and lazy in adjusting my way of thinking about life these days. It is probably due to depression which has also affected my diet which I do know affects every other aspect of my life. Therefore, I am taking the first step needed to take action against letting it win over my life as it has done in the past. It is good to know that I am learning from the past even if I am not yet good at preventing it from happening. 

One massive realization this week is that I need to constantly stay on top of this depression issue. There is absolutely no room for complacency. Any letting of the guard down in keeping up routines, working out, etc allows room for me to stumble into the dark state. Before I had work as a way of distraction or more constant contact with friends which kept me busy, which helps to fend off the penetration of the darkness; however, I no longer have external or passive ways of distraction. Therefore, I need to actively structure my life around a healthy way no matter what our circumstances are to ensure that I keep on going towards the light!

~T πŸ˜€

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