Well, I have been a little delinquent here. There’s no real reason other than being busy with a visit to France and spring fever distractions – more happening to me rather than by me.
So, this is a just a brief Hello to check in and wish any readers here a very Happy Easter! Will write again soon, I promise. π
~Tπ₯πβοΈ
The mood swings are real today and it’s not yet 10 am. π«€ I didn’t post on Friday either because I couldn’t quite figure out what to write about or how to formulate my thoughts. So, this may just be a random post of ups and downs, ins and outs.
A friend is going in to surgery today for his prostate. Yesterday, we saw another friend who just had prostate surgery and is still recovering even after a month.
Although I was in for a very different reason, I find myself heavily empathizing with these folks who have to spend any time in a hospital, worry about surgery, and cope with recovery. It’s been just over a year now since I had my ankle drama and yet I still suffer from stiffness and a little fear of breaking it again. I can remember the days in the hospital, the near tears over the thought of another hospital meal, and the creeping despair that one day I might die alone in a room with no one knowing. Of course, the latter sounds overly dramatic, but the thoughts do run the gambit when stuck in unfamiliar, uncomfortable, and unsatisfying circumstances. π¬
In any case, some of my thoughts and energies are going towards them in hopes of swiftness and ease.
Then, there is the grey of today. The weekend was actually quite lovely with sun shining and warmth in the air. Yet, I still had little clouds lingering over me. π One reason was the need to get out and away from the house.
Lately, M has been content to potter around the garden, planting vegetables and flowers, mowing the lawn and doing all things domestic outside. He did get me to plant a few things in pots that we moved around the patio, so that was my brief outdoor activity. However, I also pushed for getting into town for garden center shopping on Saturday and lunch in town on Sunday. We took the pups in for lunch for the first time in almost a year and they were little stars – no major barking or even pulling on the leads. Phew was that a relief! π
Another reason was lasting triggers from childhood. My dad always wanted me to be outside. If it was sunny, it was expected that I would want to be outside. Yet, I never really did. I mean, I love the sunshine and being warm, but in the spring when it seems most get the fever, I just want to hide indoors. My nose itches, my eyes water, and so being out on a “beautiful spring day” equals misery unless it is in town with a cup of coffee or over a delicious meal – ha! π
Of course, I shouldn’t let these things cast shadows. I am an adult now fully in control of my own actions and moods. Still, the mind is a mysterious control center that can surreptitiously push the spirit off balance. Then, before we are aware, our moods have fallen into a valley with only one way out – through it. πͺπ½
So, that is perhaps where I am. Fortunately, I have plenty to distract myself with in terms of work and other activities. I have managed to find some outlets for myself to get involved in, but more on that later.
With that, I feel better now. Thanks for reading me through the process! π€ͺ
Until next time,
~T π₯πβοΈ
I’m in a bit of a post-travels slump. The weather isn’t helping as it is pouring rain as I type this now. It has been a little chilly, though not overly so, but the rain π§οΈπ§οΈ and thunderstorms βοΈβοΈ and wind π¨π¨ have not been inspiring. π
Although it is likely to sound spoiled of me to complain about the weather after having been away on travels for three weeks, I am doing it anyway! π€ͺ We had thought that by now we would have escaped most of the bad weather as we are indeed “fair-weather” people. Apparently, this is the tail end of spring’s entrance and we are hoping for sunnier skies soon. βοΈ
So, keeping with the doom and gloom theme – today’s post is about the use of words and tone.
There are any number of quotes or song lyrics about how words can be weapons. While some people use them freely without thought or care, others take so much time to consider each one before speaking or sharing. Somewhere in the middle, as is the case for most things in life, is the balance of expressing ourselves adequately yet with consideration on how they might be received.
In this day and age of being told that it is not for us to worry about how others respond to what we say or do, the need for taking responsibility in affecting the response has been shirked away as “not my problem”. However, imagine how just the simple tone of statements can be received in such different ways. Then, add on all the nuances of meanings behind words that vary person to person and see the complication of communication. So, why make it even harder or worse by being unkind from the beginning?
Kindness in heart. Kindness in intention. Kindness in gestures. Kindness in words.
This should be our starting point for all conversations. Follow this with the feeling of respect and I can guarantee that even the most contentious of discussions can be had without belittling, dismissing, or hurting the other person’s feelings or sense of identity.
It is really no wonder that our world is in a constant state of tension, anger, and frustration. Humans have lost the art of kindness and respect yet crave it to the point that it is commanded rather than demanded through presence and etiquette. These days, I feel very old or of another world. Social and personal standards are dropping, but if I express my lamentations of it I am seen as the odd-ball. So, I have started to withdraw from society and others.
Unfortunately, this is not working for me either. Now that we are back home and returning to our regular lives, I am finding that I need to adjust my strategy in building a lifestyle that is fulfilling. I’ve let myself carry on limiting beliefs; thus limiting my chances at experiences, friendships, and who knows what else.
Therefore, I am determined to break out of my self-created box. With my own words of kindness and respect, I hope that I can create a bit of sunshine in the rainy and stormy lives of others as well as my own. π₯°
~T π₯πβοΈ
Well, the remaining six days of Australia were full of more adventure. I’ll try to do a short sum up here and then later prepare another post on the whole trip.
Adelaide
We were mostly here to see P!NK in concert. During the planning of our trip, we knew that we wanted to see the city, if for no other reason than it is the capital of South Australia and we were about seeing the highlights of the country. So, we adjusted our route to hit the concert.
The concert was great! Funnily enough, though, that wasn’t the real highlight of the trip! While we were on the Uluru and Kata Tjuta tour, we had a chat with some other ladies in the group over dinner. They mentioned seeing koalas in the “wild” on a hike outside of town. Well, that decided it for us.
After seeing six in various stages of sleep or walking, we were content with our visit to the south. There was other wildlife as well to make it fun. We also did a wine tour in the Barossa Valley on one of the days along with meeting an old friend of M’s from his hometown. So, it was an excellent stop that might have been just mediocre.
Cairns
What is a tour of Australia without a visit to the Cairns? It’s the more common place to go to see the Great Barrier Reef. While the town itself is a little run down, no thanks to COVID, it has the usual beachside charm expected of such places.
Of course, it did not disappoint with sea life views and sea sickness! I’m very glad that we did the snorkel boat tour, though I fully appreciated land again upon our return.
Sydney
Our trip ended back in Sydney where we did a bit of shopping and relaxing before our long journey home.
Oh yeah, and I added to my tattoo with a little commemoration of our trip. π
So, we are now home. It’s a bit of recovery mode around here, but it was an amazing time and now it is nice to be home again.
~T π₯πβοΈ
As someone who likes consistency, it has been an interesting process to accept that each day is different from the one before. Some days I awaken with a lot of energy and focus while others I find myself extra tired and unmotivated to do much. However, this week I did decide to create a kind of schedule for myself to tentatively follow each day to start to rebuild my stamina and productivity levels as I am about halfway through my non-weight-bearing period of post-surgery recovery.
When friends heard of my situation, many have advocated the intake of protein and collagen to help the healing process. In the sunnier seasons, I have been a big fan of smoothies as a way of increasing my protein intake since we try not to eat too much red meat these days. As part of the smoothie ingredients, I do usually add in plant-based protein powder, green juice powder, collagen, homemade peanut butter, fruit, banana, yogurt, and other goodies as I find them. I’ve started adding in some orange juice to ensure my vitamin C intake is good and then include coconut water for the extra electrolytes. All blended into a delicious concoction that I hope is contributing to my overall health and now healing process.
This week, I did get myself out to a cafe on the day of my physiotherapy session. It wasn’t the most comfortable to sit with my leg on a chair, but it felt good to do something “normal” out of the house. Also, this evening, we are looking forward to having some friends over for the first visit of the spring and since my return home. So, I am very much looking forward to that.
Our fingers are crossed for my doctor’s visit tomorrow in that they will hopefully start removing stitches and staples as everything feels like it is closing up – though I haven’t checked as I’m not brave enough to take off the bandages at home. π If that all goes well, then…we should be able to get the go-ahead to spend a few days in France where we want to get our rental apartment there set up for visits and visitors/guests who might want to use it since holiday season is fast-approaching.
So, little by little, life is slowly returning to a more hopeful normal. We are starting to make plans again for socializing, entertaining, and activities especially with the weather improving. I am fairly confident that once I can put some weight back on the leg, the road to full recovery will be smooth. Here’s hoping! π€π½
~T π₯πβοΈ
For many years, I had no real interest in the cycles of the seasons. When Japanese people and Japanophiles would say “I love that Japan has four seasons”, I would roll my eyes π with disdain at such a clichΓ© and trivial statement.
With the forced time to sit still with my thoughts, I have discovered that perhaps I was being a bit too dismissive, or dare I say immature and arrogant π¬, about what these people may have meant in their words. To be fair, I may be attributing too much credit to them now in my moment of softness. π€ͺ
Still, today, during my brief meditation (trying to build myself back into the routine of it), I listened to the birds singing, our pups squealing and barking as they ran in the playground of our woodlands, and felt the warmth of the spring sun warm my face as I centered on my breath and the healing of my ankle. In the listening, I heard a whisper of appreciation in the consistency of the seasons.
Often, I can control my pain tolerance by impressing upon my mind that all things are temporary. Pain cannot last forever if we maintain a strong and healthy body. Illnesses come and go. Even people can be passing through our lives. In accepting the fleeting reality of life, we learn to appreciate the current moment. This is one of the main teachings of mindfulness meditation. It is also somehow one of the most difficult concepts to embrace with regularity and efficacy.
It was in this awareness of the coming of spring that I acknowledged the passing of winter. The past two days were chilly and grey, which affected my mood. Being aware of its effect, I did my best to stay upbeat, but it was difficult. Luckily, I could hide away in my room, take naps and escape with my crime TV shows. Then, today, the sun returned lifting my mood in celebration for the Spring Equinox.
In Japan, today is a national holiday. It is one of the few countries that celebrates “nature” as a reason to break up the regular routine of life. While other places might have a period of spring fairs or celebrations, they are not days off.
So, perhaps there is something to appreciating four distinct seasons. Or, perhaps, the main point is to appreciate that somewhere like Japan takes time to notice and celebrate them. Most importantly, though, we can learn to appreciate, notice, and celebrate as individuals no matter where we are.
Therefore, today, I feel positive with warmth as the spring season begins.
~T π₯πβοΈ
Well, it has been almost a week at home and there have definitely been some ups and downs. Thankfully, we are mostly on the ups side – literally and figuratively.
I was not fully prepared for the amount of energy it takes to move around with one useless limb. Plus, all my mental energy seems to be going toward healing rather than on more intellectual pursuits, which makes it hard to focus on writing, reading, or doing anything remotely productive.
Luckily, the weather has improved, so despite a bit of a chilly wind, I am able to sit outside to get some natural Vitamin D and try to return some color to my skin that was depleted from three weeks indoors.
Still, being a sort of burden to others is not something I excel at. I’m used to being independent and thought of as useful. However, just trying to change the sheets on our bed took me 30 minutes or more yesterday. Obviously, I did it out of choice and stubbornness more than anything else.
The doctor told me to stay mostly bed-bound with leg raised until we go in for a checkup tomorrow. The stitches and staples still need time to heal up. The physiotherapist told me to try to sit up more and get the blood flowing so that independence can be gained faster. Seemingly contradictory commands makes it hard to know what is the right thing to do. So, in the end, I listen to my own body and mind. I do mostly keep myself half-sitting up with the leg raised above my heart as I do not want to prolong the healing of the operated area from healing up. My physio will go faster and easier then. From my first two physio sessions, I think my body is doing a good job of making use of my healthy lifestyle and remaining strong, flexible, and agile.
Thus, overall, despite a bit of adjusting with the other member of the house on how to navigate my lack of movement with his own, it has been a good week. No matter, what it is better to have a view from my balcony than of the TV screen from a room of isolation.
Hopefully, the healing will be satisfactory after our doc visit tomorrow so that I can continue to make good progress back to the world of the walking!
~T π₯πβοΈ
Well, two weeks later, it’s done.
I was gone from my room for over nine hours, and the docs said it took more than four hours to put my ankle back together through three insertion points. There was some talk of recreating ligaments and pulling of the skin, which explained the very uncomfortable pain I felt the next day.
However, two days later, I have yet to have any more pain medication and rocked my first crutches walk down the hallways. I imagine it is my determination to get home as soon as I can that is pushing me through.
The foot is still rather swollen – especially when it has been down a bit for a walk – and my blood pressure is low from lying on my back for 17 days, but there is hope on the horizon.
No specific dates or days can be given for recovery, but the next phase is a number of weeks with no weight-bearing activity. So, that means more time in bed, but in my own bed with a mix of sitting up, lowering the leg, and keeping it lifted, etc.
Overall, my spirits are good. I had one day straight after post-op when I questioned my sanity, but after a second day with less pain and doing nothing but watching, I felt motivated today to make more progress.
Will keep updated here on how things progress.
~T π₯πβοΈ
Well, I did it! π
Although I hadn’t expected this one to be my first book, I am not complaining. My dream of being a published author is now a reality, and it feels amazing!
Even though I’m not particularly a perfectionist, I do have doubts about how it will be received, but I start with a disclaimer that I know there is room for improvement. The main thing is that I actually started and completed a writing project for the first time – on my own. As in, no editor to push me forward.
The process was relatively smooth and with the help of a self-publishing company, it was easy enough to get it on Amazon. Right now, only the e-book is available, but the paper version is coming soon – probably this week.
Best of all, all profits go to me! π
So, I am now motivated to keep going with more in the series – it is meant to be a series. Also, I will keep working on my fiction book and other writing endeavors for publishing in magazines and the like.
Nothing like a little success to whet the appetite for more! Stay tuned!
~T π₯πβοΈ
Upon returning from Venice, we woke the next morning preparing for M to go to the UK for a week to see family and do some business activities. I was looking forward to a week of my own schedule, time, activities. We soon were signaled that things might not go quite as smoothly, when we realized there was no hot water and assumed it was a boiler problem since there had been work on it and we had had trouble before.
First thing was first, M headed to the airport and would coordinate on the way.
The plumber/boiler guy came early in response to M’s request, but said, “Boiler is fine. You are out of gas.”
Oops! π¬
The gas guy said he wouldn’t be able to arrive until Tuesday – it was Monday, but fine. I could wait to have a shower until Tuesday afternoon and I don’t particularly care about cooking anyway – all I need is a microwave and kettle most of the time, especially when I’m on my own.
Tuesday morning, I felt good. I was getting into my own groove. I ran some errands in the morning expecting the gas guy to come around noon and I had a call at 5pm, before which I wanted to get some work done, walk the dogs, and then I could enjoy a relaxing evening with a hot bath.
Gas guy didn’t arrive until later in the afternoon, work took longer than usual so I was delayed walking the dogs, 5pm call got cancelled around 4pm. So, with everything finally done by 4:30 and faced with an extra hour to luxuriate sooner in a hot bath, I decided to just take the pups for a little walk in the fields and hills nearby rather than get in the car and drive down to the riverside paths 20 minutes, each way.
All of these little events and decisions led up to the moment when all other plans were thwarted for the hereafter.
While I do not sit – rather lay – blaming any one event nor lament “if this or that had or hadn’t happened, then…”, it is interesting to ponder how a series of actions can culminate at a particular moment. I’ve long been fascinated by stories like Magnolia, Crash – both film and series, and the like that point out how our lives intersect and events can have ripple effects on ourselves and others.
What if I had been on the call instead? I wouldn’t have fallen.
What if I had not been lazy in taking the dogs down to the river for a walk – I mean, I had the time? I wouldn’t have fallen.
What if we had not run out of gas, or the gas guy had arrived earlier, or I had not had focused on work for so long, etc. etc.? I wouldn’t have fallen.
But, I did fall.
So, rather than lament, I ponder. I wonder what the learning is in this new “plan” for my days and future few months. I wonder if the learning is solely for me. Or, if the learning is for M at my expense, as I sometimes have felt about other things gone wrong for me in my/our life. Or, as my dad said, “Sometimes sh*t just happens!”
In any case, it doesn’t matter really. I mean, I am learning about patience, regaining appreciation for the discipline of meditation, M’s capacity to be a caregiver, my capacity to be a receiver of care, the capacity of my friends (near and far) to care and express compassion, etc. etc. Much is being observed and processed. I’ve got lots of time to do so.
At least, I still have my fingers to type and my laptop to get some words out. My writing by hand is lagging, but when I can sit up again, I’ll get back to it. For now, I’m adapting. I’m accepting. I’m acknowledging the limits of what I can vs what I want to do.
One day, I’ll see how all of this does have meaning even if there is no obvious cause – synchronicity.
~T π₯πβοΈ
