Itโs true that I have a critical view of the world and people. I probably should have trained to become a judge ๐ฉ๐ฝโโ๏ธ as I hold individuals, including myself, to a high moral standard. Also, I am a constant observer, analyst, and commentator on human behavior. Often, this comes out as harsh, arrogant, and not very empathetic or compassionate comments to those who are privy to my personal thoughts.
For the past month we have been staying with friends with an occasional trade-off of watching their daughters. Even when our friends are home, we still spend quite a bit of time with the girls. One (P) has just turned 10 and the other (C) recently turned 12 – going on 40.
While I generally enjoy children, I have never been able to cope with certain behaviors – no matter what age.
With C, I basically have no issue as we have a similar temperament and her being a middle-aged pre-teen is relatable for me. Of course, like any human, she has moments of irritation and clear lack of life experience. I AM empathetic, compassionate, and kind with her expressions of thought, whether with undesired attitude or not. Overall, she has a reflective and harmless way. Plus, sheโs a fellow Cancer sign ๐ฆ and intuit.
On the other hand, P pushes all my wrong buttons ๐คฌ despite moments of cuteness and acceptable sauciness. ๐ Obviously, sheโs only ten. However, she already has a mastery of selfishness, smugness, and laziness that I cannot wrap my head around as my core values do not align. Her aura is one of frustration for me, because while I believe she will be able to outgrow these less attractive ways, I worry that her early awareness of manipulation and deception will twist her path in becoming an upright human; though, I maintain optimism that I will be totally surprised at being wrong about her.
In another of Mโs strangely dismissive comments about me, to me, he retorted that I judge no one as a โgood parentโ all the while not ever having had my own children.
Itโs generally easy to throw this comment at someone who is childless as there is no comeback for them. It is also an excellent way to shut down a discussion or analysis of the human condition. Usually, I take it as a way of evading any potential negative criticism that might be directed at the one closing the door of rhetoric. ๐คท๐ฝโโ๏ธ
For me, I freely admit that I donโt know what it is like to raise children and struggle to guide beings into becoming functional adults within my personal life. However, as an educator ๐ฉ๐ฝโ๐ซ and researcher in the development of people, I feel that I have both an academic and tangential knowledge of what young people need. The more important aspect is that I view these youth without an emotional or biased attachment that comes with having oneโs own offspring.
So, while my husband can be flippant with his comments, he forgets that I am actually educated in helping children grow, as a classroom tends to be as important for creating adults who contribute to the success of society as does the home. One could even argue that it is more so.
Further to his comment, I am not particularly judging othersโ parenting skills as I am fully aware that life is complicated and itโs a challenge to balance survival with child rearing. I am in awe of people who choose to bring another life into this world and attempt not to โfโ them up. ๐ I never felt able to take on such a heavy responsibility as it took me years to sort myself out. So, I have zero regrets for not having my own mini-meโs, but a thousand respects for those who do. ๐๐ฝ
Basically, I find it interesting/curious ๐ง to see how two beings can come from the same parents and be so different. I often ponder out loud how to curb what I deem to be more worrisome characteristics in a young person so that it does not become a challenge for them or their parents later in life. Ultimately, though, everyone does their best – for the most part. Nature is a very strong feature that no matter how much nurturing is given cannot always be tamed.
Either way, Iโve been learning about myself and M even more through the shared kid-duty responsibilities and enjoying getting to know these young people (and their parents) even more. I look forward to seeing how they change over the coming years. ๐
~T ๐
