In Memory Of

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Oct 282024
 

I am due to write a proper post about my travels and activities, but I felt it appropriate to take a pause to acknowledge the passing of my cousin this past week.

L was quite a bit older than me and by the time I arrived to the Bilyeu family, he was already living his adult life. Still, he was always kind to me and would make an effort to talk to me even when I was being a selfish teen or an arrogant twenty-something who was traveling the world. Although we never really had anything in common, I appreciated that he had a heart to show interest in me and connect whenever I visited home.

It’s always a shock to lose someone at such a young age, even more so when it is someone you know, and yet more so when it is a member of your family.

Death is inevitable. We cannot escape it. We may wish to put it off as long as possible, but when it is our time, we have no choice in it unless we choose to make it happen sooner.

For me, it’s never been something I fear nor is it something that I run away from. While I do not necessarily welcome the end of life, I am ready whenever my time might come. Unfortunately, I did not know L well enough to know where he stood about life and death, but I wish him a peaceful passing from his time in our lives to wherever comes after. Maybe, we shall converse again in my dreams.

It is a loss for my aunt and other cousins that I can only imagine will inform their grief cycle. So, it is with love and compassion that I write this post in memory of Lance Watkins (October 26, 2024).

~T🔥🐉♋️

Escaping the Good

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Oct 182024
 

Escapism is one of my coping mechanisms for getting through life. When reality is too much, the world of a book, a different culture, a cafe, or a new environment of some kind can serve to justify the escape.

While it might be easy to explain it away as something positive, the truth is that there is a darkness below the layers of disguise.

It is not necessarily a consuming shadow, but recently it was suggested to me that I might be running away—from the good benefits of regular physio or yoga sessions that are advantageous to my back pain, from the idea of a settled mind, from establishing friendships and roots….

Although I am not certain it is that deep, I am giving it some space in my head to ponder.

Mostly, I think that we just planned a lot of travel that has caught up with us both physically and mentally. For me, my spine issues were not part of the life plan, so activities addressing the issues around my physical health had to take a secondary role for now. At the same time, I refuse to live life as a chronically ill or restrained individual. Life, as I want it to be, will continue no matter any physical conditions that arise. There’s plenty of time later in life to sit still.

That being said, there is nothing wrong with taking a moment to pause and think about these words. Is there resonance in them? Am I escaping the message that may be sent via these others’ words? Or, am I just fine and merely a sounding board for their own opinions or ideas that apply to their own lives?

Whatever the case may be, it is not important as to how or why these thoughts and words have blown in my direction. They have been received. They are being considered. Any revelations that arise will be taken on board for future adjustments.

In the meantime, we have a lot of escaping ahead for the remainder of the calendar year and I will enjoy it fully. Still, I am also planning next year and how to be more present in our home and community. So, stay tuned as reflection and adjustments sprinkle the air.

~T🔥🐉♋️

A Week in Sardinia

 Meanderings Abroad  No Responses »
Oct 112024
 

This was a trip planned sometime back in April, I think. Despite our frequent travels and desire to stay put for a bit, we/I enjoyed our week in Sardinia – still on the island as I type this post, actually.

Some people put it on our radar last year when they relayed stories of their visit saying that it was lovely. So, when we were discussing with our friends about a joint trip, we all quickly agreed to organize our week away here.

After some research and discussion, we decided to do a few days in the south in Cagliari – the capital of the island/region of Sardegna (Sardinia) and a few days in the north near Olbia where many visit for the beaches. We stayed in Airbnbs whilst together to be able to enjoy shared space and have the option of eating in or being able to enjoy leisure mornings.

While I am, personally, more of a fan of hotels and kitchenette options since cleaning up and such is not part of my usual holiday activities, it was actually rather nice to have our own spaces and shared spaces – though I still would choose hotels. 😅

M and I took the ferry over with the car so that we would have freedom to explore around the island. It meant a bit longer travel time for us, but it was a good choice for convenience as I’m not a fan of wasting time waiting for public transport or spending money constantly for taxis. It also meant that we have had an extra day on either side to relax together. So, on the way, we stayed in Livorno since our departure was early in the morning. Tonight, we are further northwest near Porto Cervo so that we can relax in a spa resort hotel along the beachfront before our overnight ferry back to Rome.

As for my impressions of the island, well, not so much for me. I’m sure that in the peak summer months it is more lively, but there isn’t a lot to see. The bike tour we did in Cagliari was fun and interesting, but the guide was very skilled at making the town seem more interesting that it really is. There were some tidbits of culture and history to absorb, but overall, I felt it was a grimy and old place to visit.

In terms of the north, well, the beaches are nice and the water is a pretty blue, but again, not overly engaging. We walked around Olbia center, which was cute and had more of a vibe to it than the south. Still, I haven’t been convinced that I would ever need to come back.

What made the trip was our time drinking, eating a lot of pizza and pasta, and chatting away the days and nights. 🥰🥰

Here are some pics (in reverse order):

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Personal Writing Retreats Are Back!

 Going Mental, Writing  No Responses »
Oct 042024
 

For some reason, I stopped going away on my own mini writing retreats. Perhaps, it is because we have been traveling so much. Perhaps, I thought that it was too much of a personal luxury. Perhaps, I just forgot that they had a purpose beyond just the writing focus.

After having just gone on one last week, despite the busyness of our lives between events and trips, I am recommitted to reinstating them regularly into my schedule. I have already tentatively planned them every six weeks or so for the next year. Even my todo list has been scheduled for when to plan the next retreat.

I recognize this is a major luxury to be able to afford such a thing in both time and money. Still, I plan to make the most of it because I can.

Let me share the benefits.

We lead busy lives, by our own making, but nevertheless it is busy. M has a combination of personality and work that is at a high energy level, which can be overpowering and encompassing of everyone or everything around. This includes me. I’m sure that I have written on this before, but like Will Smith wrote in his autobiography, it’s get on the M train or move out of the way!

Being on the M train is fun and worthwhile, but every now and then I need to get off and walk alongside at my own pace in my own way and in my own direction. Sometimes, I feel lost in the chaos so that I feel unseen and without meaning. Therefore, taking time away for myself and for my writing is beyond refreshing – it’s rejuvenating. My own energy cup refills and I reconnect with myself so that I can return to the fast lane feeling whole again.

On top of that, I get a lot of writing done. It resets my creative brain so that I can let the words flow that get stored up, or blocked, during the thinking process when I don’t have enough time to sort through all that is going on. So, I am able to produce and release in a productive way.

This past mini writing retreat was combined with a couple of town, visits as I am trying to check out for myself some of the major towns in the Umbria region, as I write my third Umbria on a Whim book. Although I am not necessarily writing how I feel about the towns, I can get a sense of what they are like and what they might have to offer allowing me to write notes to include in the text. So, I headed to Narni and, by chance, a second visit to Terni.

These towns are just an hour away from home. I stayed in an agriturismo (agriculture tourist) hotel, which was average, but quiet and nicely located for what I wanted.

I got writing done and, as I said, my cup is refilled.

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Palma Majorca (Oct 28-31, 2023)

 General, Going Mental, Meanderings Abroad  No Responses »
Nov 062023
 

Ladies’ trip with the fabulous A.N. in Palma Majorca (Mallorca) is a wrap with wonderful memories, lots of laughs, much chit-chat, and as an overall amazing experience.

First, about Palma – the Spanish capital of the Balearic island of Mallorca (Majorca in English spelling). It’s an interesting city with a mix of flavors in architect and dishes that come from European and Moorish influences. Even good ol’ Gaudi has had his hand on some of the sights. It’s a smallish town that can be walked around in about an hour, but there’s enough to entertain for a short holiday whether a sightseeing history buff or one in need of some retail therapy.

A and I were keen to catch up and decided a little trip might be just the ideal opportunity to do just that with a bit of travel as well. The four days flew by really and we had a great time seeing Palma, taking the train and tram through the mountains to the northwest side where Soller (soyer) and the port are located, doing a bit of pampering at the Hammam and eating some delicious food – some local and some not.

Overall, I would go back again as we did skip going into some of the attractions as we weren’t so into hopping on or off, but if I never went back I wouldn’t feel as if I missed anything major either. It might be a nice little Spanish getaway for a long weekend and worth exploring the other side of the island another time, but … I’m glad I went and I enjoyed it fully, but don’t necessarily need to go again. 🤪

Here’s a link to all the photos and videos, if you’re interested: https://photos.app.goo.gl/cUtNU7iSA7382PTM6

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Mixed Emotions in Travel

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Nov 012023
 

There is a mixed feeling of awe and sadness when I look out the window of a plane as it takes off into the air leaving behind the ground below. 

The awe is amazement for the technology that makes flight possible in a big chunk of metal and a mass weighing hundreds of pounds somehow soaring in the atmosphere above. 

Thanks to this technological advancement that we often take for granted in today’s world, we are able to see different lands, experience new cultures and share in humanity with those we may never have known existed before. The expansion of our world views is awe-spiring. 

Then, there is the sadness. The land and constant world below continues to move and function even after I am no longer in amongst it. It is a reminder of my insignificance in the grand scheme of the universe. It is a realization that the connection of the moments and experiences in the space below is either cut or temporarily suspended. 

Somewhere deep inside is a well of sadness and confusion in this mix of emotions. 

Many years ago a similar chunk of metal lifted me into the skies and severed the unknown ties I had in an eventually forgotten world below. It would be twenty or more years before I would touch upon my native soil again. Yet, I will have taken many more flights that transported me from one place to another in those years increasing my awe and further burying the sadness within. 

It is the understanding that I am able to return someday and a willful naivety that allows me to say that I will be back again – but probably won’t. 

Emotions swirl between excitement for a possible return and a sad knowledge that the likelihood is slim. 

Yet, there are some places that do draw me back. 

Despite having seen a significant amount of Japan, I keep returning. Even with a mixed relationship with my birth country, I go back as a visitor but never as a countrywoman. Obviously, I see my loved ones in the country that I identify most with although I have no intention of ever returning to it full time.

In these cases, familiarity does not breed complacency, but complexity. 

Perhaps this is the way of life – finding acceptance in the in-between of these conflicting emotions that remind us of our insignificant humanity in an amazing world. 

~T 🔥🐉♋️

PS – pics and updates on my trip to come…

Warming Up for Traveling Days

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Oct 282023
 

It’s been a bit busy this week with final electrical work being done on the kitchen, changing of seasonal clothes around in the closet, yoga and tennis, plus preparing for my long weekend ladies’ trip to Palma Mallorca.

I haven’t been to Spain for a proper visit in quite some time, so it is nice to explore a different part of the country on the Balearic Island of Majorca. Also, I love that I can speak a bit of Spanish to brush up my language skills.

This is the beginning of our traveling period as I’ll be here for four days, then back for a week before we head to Japan for two weeks and then back for a couple of days before we go to Florence for a couple of days and return again for another week or so. Then, it’s the big troop to the Bahamas, Christmas in Oregon, and back to the Bahamas for the new year. It’s gonna be a whirlwind! But, soooo much fun – we are both very excited.

With all that, I feel grateful to have a day to myself before my friend arrives. While I am super excited to have some ladies’ time, I am also happy to have time to myself as M and I have been together quite a lot lately and the travels will be a lot of togetherness and with others too. So, a little quite time is always good for me to recharge and store up!

Anyway, I’ll post pics of the trip when I get back!

Until then,

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Kitchen In (95%)

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Oct 232023
 

They started on Thursday last week and came back on Friday to do more. They still need to return sometime this coming week to bring our wine fridge, but otherwise it’s in!! 🎉

We still need to remove the old fridge from the space, but after spending Friday afternoon, evening and all of Saturday organizing we feel it is basically “moved in” now! And, we are so in love ❤️💜…with the kitchen (and each other, of course! 😅)

I have even baked already in the new space testing out the location of our pantry items, dishes, etc. It was so smooth and easy. You might see me in this kitchen more than ever before, but I won’t get ahead of myself. 🤪 For now, though, we are in awe of how much it has changed the energy and our use of the room compared to before.

Now, just to keep it clean and decide when to have our first kitchen dinner party! 😁

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Kitchen Out!

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Oct 162023
 

Our first proper renovation in the house has begun.

The kitchen is an interesting place in my history. For me, it has very mixed emotions. My unhappiest and happiest memories are in a kitchen.

Before my family, I would be punished in the kitchen. The grand event that got me moved out of my second adoptive family occurred in the kitchen. When I used to get panic attacks as an adult, they were always in the kitchen. My displeasure of cooking likely stems from these buried traumatic moments of early childhood.

However, I have very happy memories sitting at the island watching my mom or dad cook. We would have conversations as I sat watching. Or, I would take over the oven watch when Mom had finished making the dough for cookies. Dad reviewed the art of seeing how fractions were applied in life by asking me to convert recipes as he made muffins or cut vegetables.

Later in life I would be curious as parties would always somehow migrate to the small space of a kitchen. No matter how much space was available to sit on a balcony, in a living room, or elsewhere, one could always find a number of people stuffed closely in a smaller kitchen space conversing happily. The kitchen seems to be the heart of a home.

Thanks to my happy memories, I have slowly been able to overcome my preference to avoid it – though I still don’t cook much because M does! I have always preferred baking to cooking as well. Anyway, when we bought our house, we knew that the kitchen would eventually need updating. For M, it is absolutely the heart of a home. He loves to hold counsel, entertain, and shoot the breeze while we prepares a meal. So, we wanted to make it a modern and happy space where we could hold smaller dinner parties with that quaint at-home feel.

Although we had some challenges with finding the right company to work with us in a timely manner, we finally have some progress. In less than an hour this morning, they came and took away the “old” kitchen. The “new” one comes on Thursday. In the meantime, the tiles will be removed, the electrician will come to redo wiring and prepare the space for everything to work well beforehand. Then, all being well, I shall post on Friday with pics of the finished space! Stay tuned!

~T 🔥🐉♋️

These are the days…

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Oct 132023
 

…that the Lord hath made. Let us rejoice and be glad in them. 🎶

When I was young, spring and fall were my least favorite seasons because it meant rain and allergies while summer and winter were the days of vacation. Now, I barely tolerate summer as the heat is no longer my friend, winter is OK for a month or so until it gets boring being cold and having days of grey. So, now, I accept I must simply pop some antihistamines once or twice a day and turn my attention to feeling gratitude toward the still warm days (but not dreadful heat) that mark the autumn season. Of course, wait until I write next week after a week of the rain that is coming… 🤪

Overall, though, I have been making a point of rejoicing and being glad in my days.

Although I am not overly religious, and have long since moved away from the life of Church-going, fellowship gatherings, and the like, I still believe in a bigger entity that I have previously shared that I call both Father God and Lady Universe – I think acknowledging the masculine and feminine powers is important.

Lately, I have developed an irrational (probably hormonal) sense of anxiety about driving, socializing, and various other everyday activities. While I am pretty good at talking myself out of and through it, I have found that one way I feel calm and at peace is through listening to Christian music. I know, weird-ish, right?!

Music has always been something that has soothed me. I remember humming as a child whenever I felt a little stressed and it would lighten my mood. For whatever reason, I can remember many lyrics and often sing along to songs (which tortured my brother for years) as I love how the mix of words and music tell a story.

So, it has been with joy that I have rediscovered the role of it in my life – especially as a soother to my anxiousness.

With that, Happy Friday the 13th! May you be rejoicing and being glad these days! ❤️

~T 🔥🐉♋️

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