Standing in and Sharing the Light

 Going Mental  2 Responses »
Aug 102020
 

Generally, I limit my social media interactions. For the longest time, I thought it was just because I do not care so much about what is going on in other people’s lives that I need to be updated regularly. However, just as its use has evolved, so has my reasoning for why I’m bothered by about 90% of what is out there these days.

Some time back someone recommended an author to me who writes about the peri menopausal/menopausal conditions of an aging woman from a rather humorous perspective – Nora Ephron. I read one of her books and it was indeed relatable and entertaining, but there was something that rubbed me wrong as I was reading her book “I Feel Bad About My Neck: And Other Thoughts on Being a Woman”. Initially, I thought it was the experiences she relates as a white, middle class, empty-nesting mother. Or, I thought perhaps I am just not yet old enough to appreciate it.

However, as time passed and I contemplated it more, I have found that the same niggling that bothered me about Ephron’s book is what irritates me about most social media posts (in particular, FB).

Some people are like me who post the various things they do in a day with a more upbeat tone. I try to share things to let those who follow me – particularly my family whom I don’t get to see often – that I’m still alive and enjoying life, for the most part. I do not post to have political discussions or to commiserate about the woes of my life. My outlet for that is this blog and it is one-sided mostly – as in, almost no one comments and even then there isn’t a back and forth dialog that happens on FB.

It is that aspect of commiseration that bothers me. Ephron’s book is one long commiseration for others in the same mindset and phase of life as the author. However, the tone of the pity party isn’t to uplift or to inspire, but to wallow and help others to feel okay about wallowing as well. In other words, the message is “Don’t feel bad about feeling bad, others feel bad too.”

While I understand the need to acknowledge that sometimes we just need to vent and have at least one person out there make us feel accepted and not alone, I do not think that this should be done on social media. Along the same vein, I do not think that social media should be used to present our lives as better than they are to give others a false sense of who we are.

People have sometimes asked me if my life is as good as it seems when I post pictures of my holidays or what I see and do. I always answer, YES my life is THAT good. It is. But, when I do have my down moments, I look to those around me to offer support and love or I call home to connect and address my homesickness. I do not put it up on a platform to make myself feel better by getting words of commiseration from people whom I may or may not really know and continuing a cycle of: not feeling bad that I feel bad because others also feel bad, so let’s all feel bad together….

The fact is that many people out there are truly struggling. Perhaps they can’t find work. Perhaps they can barely put food on the table. With quarantine and pandemic rhetoric, there are probably people suffering from depression, and isolation may not be serving them well. Therefore, posting about our inability to travel or go out regularly or having to cope with the ‘new normal’ – I hate this phrase, by the way -, we are promoting a negative message. For some, they may think, “If this person, who seems to have it all together, is moaning, then how will I ever get out of my own spiraling personal hell?!”

The truth is that many of us are quite privileged – we have the luxury to eat fully, bake regularly, work from home, order food if we don’t want to cook, see friends nearby, video chat with family from afar, and so much more. So, I feel that we should be sharing the little ways that we find joy in our days – a colorful butterfly, a flower blossom, ducklings on the river, the smile of a neighbor, moments to write or start new projects, etc. Spreading moments of joy and happiness provides others with hope and may inspire them to also see light in their version of darkness.

I’m not saying we should pretend that our lives are grand. I’m saying that the old adage of “If you don’t have anything nice to say/post, then don’t say/post it at all (especially on social media)” should be put into place, especially as we navigate our way through the current state of the world. If we all work toward bringing a little bit more light into the world, then even our own clouds of grey can be swept away.

~T 😀

Be Free and Prosper

 Going Mental  1 Response »
May 122020
 

A month has flown by!

The last time I wrote, we were just going into the State of Emergency (SoE) within a few prefectures, then all of Japan was brought under the declaration. Despite the initial plan to return to life as we knew it by May 6th – after the Japanese Golden Week(end) holidays -, we found ourselves with an unsurprising extension until the end of the month.

Even then, there’s no certainty that the SoE will be lifted in Tokyo as the government has set a target of reducing exposure, measured by train use (I think), by 70-80%. Although Golden Week was relabeled as “Stay At Home Week”, it seems that people are getting restless despite the reported numbers.

With the weather warming up and people finding it more and more challenging to stay inside every day, I am not confident that the lofty target will ever be reached.

As the rest of the world starts to reassess, I find myself wondering what it was all for. Some may not want to believe in conspiracy theories, and I’m no lover of them either, but I absolutely do not believe that government actions on a global scale such as we have seen was done over something only slightly worse than SARS.

Now, I’m not a scientist. I’m not even reading up on it. I’m not up-to-date on political actions or economies domestic or abroad. I care very very little for any of these things. In fact, in all honesty, I care very little for the numbers touting millions of cases of infection or 286 thousand plus deaths (7% of those infected).

I’m a big believer in the fact that our planet is massively over-populated and that the Universal Earth is probably letting us know this directly since slowly warming up the planet and highlighting the loss of flora and fauna hasn’t been effective. I’m also a believer in the Darwinian theory of survival of the fittest.

I know it’s not politically correct anymore to think this way. I know it sounds harsh and lacking in compassion. However, my response is, get over your emotions and look at this rationally and with logic.

This virus is not randomly killing people at unimaginable rates. Instead, there are known factors as to who gets infected. There are known factors as to why people die. There are also known factors as to how it can be spread.

Therefore, logically and rationally speaking, global national lock downs preventing people from working to support theirs and their families’ livelihoods is absolutely mind-bogglingly stupid. From my own experience, I know that it takes but a blink of an eye to become financially destitute. Not knowing how you are going to eat or pay rent or any bills is beyond stressful – more stressful than worrying about catching a virus that may or may not kill you. Then, the building back up, paying back debt, and getting back on one’s feet can take years – if at all possible.

In fact, the thought of dying by one’s own hands is a higher risk than getting sick.

So, again, I ask you, what is the reason behind all of this?

How did we become a society where the minority dictates and rules the actions of the majority? When did the majority determine that they should be ruled by illogical and emotional rationalizations?

My guess?

Privilege.

I’m not talking just about white people, though they are the majority. But, there are plenty of privileged people of color spouting the same messages.

“Stay at Home” / “We are in it together” / “It’s not about you, it’s about saving lives” / “Wear a mask because you care about other people”

These are words of the privileged. These are words of those who are still getting paid every week or month in their jobs. These are words of those who have enough money to carry on their everyday lives. These are words of those who are healthy. These are words of those who already live apart from others. These are words of those who do not have to worry.

The privileged are not debating whether or not they have the ability to stay at home away from others and their jobs. The privileged are not in it together with those who are struggling to put food on the table. The privileged are not forced to think about how to save their own lives. The privileged are not caring about other people, but themselves and their loved ones.

Now, I know I am privileged. I am getting paid regularly and I love working from home. I am healthy, though less so from being home all day. I also am lucky that as an introvert, I am living my best life right now.

My husband is not. (Obviously, he’s still privileged because he has me as a wife! 😛 )

However, we both know what it is like to struggle and have to rebuild. That was in “normal” times.

Again, there is no rational reason for the lock downs, shut downs, put downs.

It should be our choice whether or not to expose ourselves just as we do every year when flu season hits. (Yes, I do understand this is NOT the same as the annual flu.) It should be our choice as to whether or not our financial status is good or bad based on our own decisions – not the governments or my neighbors’.

We need to remember that people are whole people. We need to make room to allow people to make their own decisions and to know what is best for them and their families. We need to be free and prosper as we see fit.

This… this is absolutely inexplicably unacceptable….

~T :/

Comfort in Isolated Community

 Going Mental  2 Responses »
Apr 092020
 

These days, my parents and I seem to be Skyping about every two weeks. Although they are still young at heart and generally fit, I do remind them that they aren’t getting any younger – much to their chagrin. (It’s my duty as a daughter to keep it real! ) Therefore, our regular catch ups serve multiple purposes. 😉

There were periods of time in the past when it would be months in between our chats. It was partially life, partially technology, partially me, and partially them. There was never a major reason for it – it just happened. Still, I knew I could always call them anytime.

Despite my fairly blase (or anti-drama/extremism/it’s a conspiracy somewhere) attitude toward our current global situation, I realize that it is probably getting more radical as time passes. Therefore, it makes it even more comforting being able to talk with people who think like I do.

Of course, my beliefs are heavily influenced on how I was raised, so it’s natural that my family and I have similar outlooks and responses to the world. But, we have had quite varied life experiences. Also, not everyone who is family thinks the same way – nor should it be expected. Yet, talking with my parents this week made me really appreciate our commonality.

Or, maybe, what I appreciate is that we have always had the ability to share freely how we think about life without judgement or fear of upsetting the other. Thinking back, this has always been the case. Our immediate family has no secrets – that I know of! – from each other; of course, it wouldn’t be a secret if I knew. 😛 Perhaps, it is that I have no secrets from my family; therefore, I feel completely at ease discussing any topic with them whether it is in person, via Skype, or through writing.

It is a reminder to me how perfect of a match my parents are to me.

Once, my brother shared his opinion of our parents, which drastically differed from my own. This is absolutely not to say that he doesn’t love them to pieces, but he experienced growing up with them in a different way than I did.

It’s one of those great psychological wonders: how do the same parents end up with two completely different children in personality? We’ve all read about, seen, or even know examples of this dichotomy. It’s always a mystery. If we consider that the parents treated each child basically the same, then how can the children grow up to be so different?

Well, we are individuals, of course. We all experience the same events in a myriad of ways that are unique to our psychological and chemical make-up. Of course, we are influenced by our environment, and obviously even the best of parents cannot treat their children exactly the same (no matter how much they try to convince us otherwise).

Still, some siblings are shown to think exactly the same. Some families are shown to be a complete entity of their own.

For most of my young life, I believed this kind of similarity could only happened to blood families. If you shared DNA, then it was no mystery as why or how they were similar.

However, with age comes some wisdom and with reflection comes knowledge. It is not always about blood, but it is always about spirit. The Universe deemed it right and completely logical that I would be raised by two people that I call ‘Mom’ and ‘Dad’. I didn’t at first as it took me years to convince myself that they were mine to keep forever. But, now, there’s no doubt that we are cut from the same cloth – just with different designs.

So, during this time of self-isolation and quarantine, I find that it is not that hard to be away from others. It’s like my best dream come true, really – though not so great as to the way it came about.

I don’t have to communicate with others to absorb their reactions to the situation and vice versa. I don’t have to worry about offending others if I disagree or stress myself out in keeping my thoughts to myself. I don’t have to be influenced by other’s energies other than my husband’s.

It’s bliss.

Just a final disclaimer – I’m not an advocate of surrounding oneself with those who always think the same or mutually agree on everything. OMG, would that be boring! I do love a good debate and discussion on different perspectives. I’m just saying that in this time of high anxiety and stress for most, it is comforting to know that I have an isolated community who gets me. 😉

~T 😀

To Panic or Not to Panic?!

 Going Mental  1 Response »
Mar 232020
 

Unless you’ve been under a rock or blissfully enjoying a Luddite world, in which case you wouldn’t be reading this, you will be aware of the global crisis known as COVID-19 or the Coronavirus.

Now, I’m not a prepper, panicker, conformist, or doomsday believer. In fact, in a state of emergency I have always said that I will be found as far away from the masses as possible because it’s people we have to worry about.

This is no different and, in fact, requires isolation and distance from others.

In many ways, this pandemic has numerous positives.

First, an introverts dream is to be considered ‘normal’ for hiding away from others. For most of the world, this is being required! I mean, “OH, I can’t go out and I can’t attend any social functions? Gee, that’s a real shame!” NOT! 😂- more like HAPPY DANCE! 🍾🤣

Second, if we have a massive population decrease, the Earth will surely be able to deeply sigh in relief from the burden of overpopulation. Sure, the loss of loved ones old, young, ill, healthy, etc. is sad and all that, but c’mon, can we really begrudge nature’s attempt to balance out the scales? I surely do not. 💪🏽

Also, for the first time in ages, people are actually spending time with their children away from the TV and devices. More parents are talking about playing with their kids and families seem to be interacting with each other. OMG, what is that?! 😝

It’s also a great time to start any online businesses or promote technology in a positive way – i.e. online learning, remote working, etc. Stay tuned for my own activity in this area. 😉

There are obviously a number of downsides for those who are in serious ‘lockdown’. Being confined and forced to limit any usual activity is no picnic. Imprisonment is used as a form of punishment for a reason, after all.

Without focusing on the negatives too much or celebrating the joys of self-isolation and social distancing, I am interested in the panic mechanism.

Now, I get ALL of my news from limited sources: in person from people around me, Facebook, The Daily podcast (NY Times), and once in the morning from Google’s morning information as I get ready. On rare occasions, I might open a news app or watch the news. Usually, this happens passively – I see it on someone else’s device, on the train, etc. Therefore, if I actually self-isolated, I would be forced to get my news from mass media.

It’s no wonder then that people panic. In Japan, almost everyone has Japanese TV on when at home. People read newspapers and stay well connected to mass media via Line (like WhatsApp) or to some extent Facebook. Therefore, if there are reports that toilet paper 🧻 supply might run out, everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) sprints out to grab as much toilet paper as they can. The “Great TP Scare of 2020” will go down in history and Japanese people will have the cleanest bums for years to come!

However, looking at images from around the world, we see that this panic has spread – irrationally! It’s not just that countries are unprepared to cope with a health crisis, it’s also that people are unprepared to cope with any crisis.

My father is a prepper and always has been. I never thought it odd to have a freezer full of meat until people began to tease me about it. I never thought it odd to make enough food in a meal for days of leftovers until I met others who somehow just made enough food for one meal. How is that a thing?! So, my cupboards are always full. Even if I have limited space, I will make room for cans of beans or rice or whatever can be used over a long period of time. It never occurred to me that it was a prepping behavior. 🤷🏽‍♀️

As things seem to worsen around the world, the opposite seems to be happening in Japan. It never really shutdown when things got ‘serious’ in February. Schools were let out early as it was the end of the academic year anyway, and there was an increase in encouraging remote work for many companies. However, overall, it’s a little as if we are in a bubble of either denial or amazing immunity.

In any case, my theory is that there is no need to panic. I am not sure if Japan has it right or not, but staying away from Western news helps. My question for those who are panicking is: Do you actually know anyone who has the virus? If so, how ill are they and have they died? If not… chill the F*&k out, then!!! 😉

Anyway, stay healthy out there and if you don’t like people anyway – like me – then enjoy this crazy time to the fullest!!! 💁🏽‍♀️💃🏽😇😍

~T 😀

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