“Therefore, a yogi has to adopt a peculiar and expectant attitude, like a servant awaiting his master. It is a state of relaxed preparedness. He remains poised and ever ready for an event which will occur inevitably in its own time. He accepts that to precipitate that event is not within his control or power, yet it is his destiny that it will occur and he must be ever vigilant in sadhana (meditation). It should not be interpreted as fatalism or laziness, but as a state of surrender and readiness which is to be sustained by constant awareness.” p497 Hatha Yoga Pradipika
Yesterday, I read this passage and thought how it perfectly represents the lesson that I am learning during this period of time in life.
Control has gotten me through my life to this point. When I became an adult and realized that only I was responsible for my present and future, I determined that I would never let anyone or anything have control over me again. For someone or something else in control usually meant nothing good for me. However, always being in control has its pitfalls and there has always been a part of me that would like to be able to let someone else take the reigns for a while.
So, when I got married and discussed the idea of doing something else with my life than teaching English, I knew it was a chance for me to let the reigns loose. In my bliss, I ignored or denied the reality of what this meant! Oh how naive I must have been!! π
The truth is that I probably have never really been in control of my life, but instead limited it by having a stable job, salary and steadily building more debt rather than a future nest egg. My delusion of grandeur that my life was trodding perfectly along is now becoming clear of how deluded I was. Likely, part of my frustration now is this realization.
As I work through these changes and transitioning, I am starting to see the light grow brighter on the present day and tomorrow. Now, I am finding myself ready for what the universe holds for me and am tentatively learning to trust that the new future is far better than anything I could have controlled to happen. While the struggle now is temporary and part of growing pains, I am feeling more and more confident that the abundance, joy, wealth and hope of tomorrow will be long-lasting. π
——-
Day 19: Β What touch are you grateful for today?
This might be the easiest one of the past 19 days of gratitude. I am ever so grateful for the touch of my husband. The feel of his skin, the softness of his lips, the tenderness of his fingers, the light of his eyes all touch me in so many ways that enliven my spirit and fill my soul with warmth. Even when he is not physically present, I can feel his touch and it brings a smile to my face. I am ever so grateful for the touch of my amazing husband! π
~T π
