How IKEA Promotes Personal Growth…

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Jan 292024
 

Don’t let the cute image fool you. It was a weekend of labor and not necessarily a labor of love.

Part of our nesting activities has been planning what kind of wardrobe situation would work best for us as our current one is included in the ensuite bathroom. Since we are planning on remodeling the bathroom to a more open and spa-like relaxing space, we had to figure out alternative options for the clothes.

We considered knocking down a wall and creating a full walk-in wardrobe out of one of the bedrooms, which I am using as my office. However, that seemed a bit much given I don’t want to live nor lounge in the wardrobe. We also looked at building a walk-in version within our bedroom since we have the space, but after laying out the measurements it became clear that it would crowd the bedroom which is not what we wanted.

So, in the end, we went with a personalized IKEA project where we could design all the insides to our/my heart’s desire and make use of the wall space without sacrificing the room space.

We also agreed that we would pay someone(s) to put it all together. Instead of hiring through the IKEA service, we offered the task to a friend – paid, of course…. Now, let me say that what I am about to rant about is not 100% the fault of this person since it is indeed a complicated project that requires knowledge of the design and understanding that IKEA has this business of building things down to a science; therefore, one must know to trust the process/system. Still, the moral of this story is to not mix friendship with business of any kind – even if one thinks “It’s just IKEA.”

The pieces were delivered the week before last with the exception of some of the internal pieces. The construction started on Monday last week. I cannot upload videos for some reason here, but by Thursday midday of last week, only the outside pieces were finished (like the first image below). One or two bars were in place, but that was it. The explanation given for the lack of further progress was that not more could be done without the remaining internal pieces that we had planned to pick up on Friday. I called B.S. 😣

It surely does not take 3.5 days to put together 9 “boxes” and three bars. The doors were not on. The inserts were not in. The wardrobes were stuck into the wall for no reason as that is the last thing that should be done. The “boxes” were mostly attached to each other, but again did not yet need to be done especially since we discovered that they were pieced together incorrectly in the corner which required us to take apart all the attachments to fix it.

Over the weekend in less than eight combined hours, M and I managed to do more than what was done over three days of five hours per day and probably two hours the last day. That’s crap 😑 – sorry, but not sorry.

Again, it did help to know what everything should look like even though I also still needed to consult the IKEA design page, but ultimately I realized: 1. Just because one is paid to do a job does not mean that they care about doing a good job. 2. Hiring friends to work for you leaves room for too much leniency when it comes to professionalism. 3. There is a reason for the addage “If you want a job done right, do it yourself.” and 4. It takes a certain mindset to get over your own ego and accept that if there are extra pieces or something doesn’t fit, it isn’t because the producer messed up in their parts or instructions – it’s actually YOU.

Furthermore, I discovered that personality traits are extracted in full when it comes to these kinds of projects. Some people are impatient, throw tantrums, and yell at everything or everyone creating a heightened sense of stress. Other people remain calm, put their heads down to fix a problem if it arises and moves on to the next piece in peace. I’ll let you, reader, figure out whose personalities fit with which description here. πŸ€ͺπŸ€ͺπŸ˜…

So, we had a busy and bumpy weekend emotionally, but it is getting there. Ultimately, I remind myself that there is no real rush, these kinds of things are insignificant in the grand scheme of life and relationships, and there is always something to learn from experiences like this. Thus, I take it as a chance to grow within myself and adjust for the future. 😜❀️

~T πŸ”₯πŸ‰β™‹οΈ

Reflections: Week of Reflections 2

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Jan 062022
 

If reading my blog posts hasn’t taught you anything else about me, I hope that it has been abundantly clear that I LOVE a plan πŸ’œ. Part of my planning process is – appreciating – what has worked and what has not.

Over a two-year-period, I used a bullet journal πŸ“– style of organizing, tracking, and recording various aspects of my life. In general, I’m a use fan of this method, but it was slightly challenging for me to separate areas as everything was clumped together in one big book. Therefore, this year, I have decided to start fresh with a new journal πŸ“ only for recording my thoughts or doing my warm-up writing before a full writing session. I also have a separate calendar πŸ—“ book to hold my to-do lists and track my activities. These combined with my online Google calendar and tasks system should be effective in helping me stay on track each day. So, this is my literal appreciation and planning.

In other areas of appreciation, I touched on them a bit in my previous post. First and foremost is that we have a house 🏑! It truly is the dream house that we manifested together with our list of wishes. Although we now have to focus on paying it off, we know that this is meant to be our home.

Furthermore, my efforts to find, build, and maintain friendships when we moved to France has paid off as I have a small but solid tribe to call my/our own even in a short time. Though they are all based in France, I am so appreciative of their open arms, generosity of spirit, and love of rosΓ© 🍷πŸ₯‚! I will try to work on finding Italy-based friends as well this year.

Obviously, The Universal Asian has seen great growth and despite a bit of end-of-the-year drama, I am proud of what it is today and excited about what it will become in the upcoming year.

So, these are the main highlights of my appreciation in the last year.

On to my planning for 2022!

As usual, I focused on six areas: health, finances, career/work, relationships, personal growth, and spiritual growth. I’ll just give a quick overview of where I hope to be in these areas by the end of the year.

Health:

Although my weight is not crazy and I eat fairly healthily, there is always room for improvement. Middle-age changes to my metabolism and body shape as well as ability to maintain has been challenging to get a solid hold on. Therefore, I am aiming to drop to my ideal weight of 56kg (currently around 64kg – did I just share that?!). Once I hit it, I hope to maintain it.

Also, I had a goal of being able to do pull ups, which didn’t quite ever come to fruition. However, now that we have a fully functioning gym in the house, I am going to work on training to be able to do pull ups!

Since I think that a six-pack is not likely to ever happen and I actually don’t think it looks that good on a middle-aged woman, I am aiming for a toned four-pack by the time my bikini body is exposed (around April/May). With a bit of weight loss around the middle and concentrated exercises, I think this is feasible.

Finally, my goal is to help support M in his own weight loss and fitness journey with healthy eating and regular fasting – which will likely coincide with my regular writing retreats. πŸ˜†

Finances:

Without giving too much public information regarding our finances, I just want to say that the focus this year is to be 100% debt-free. Given the improved conditions of our finances from just a year ago, I firmly believe this is possible and will strive to ensure that we can happily report that all our income is ours by the end of the year. **This is easier said than done as my other half hates paying bills…** πŸ€ͺ

Career/Work:

As I no longer really “work” or have a formal career, all of these goals relate to building up The Universal Asian. I’d like to get to the point that we are generating at least $5K πŸ’΅ per month to cover current costs and increase other budgets. It really doesn’t seem like much, but it is a slow process as we need to increase our engagement numbers through social media and the site itself. I’m also hoping to increase our team members and writers/contributors. So, again, nothing impossible, just need to stay focused on the prize πŸ†!

Relationships:

This is somewhat COVID pending as the world of travel as we once knew it seems to be gone. However, I want to, at least, see my parents and family sometime this year. It may not be until the end of the year, but that is a priority for sure.

Also, I’ve already put a new time limit on my social media apps from 2hrs to 1hr and my goal is to get to 30mins per day. No more than that! Whenever I feel the urge to pick up my phone or iPad to mindlessly scroll, I am going to try to make myself read instead. This way I can also meet my goal of reading more. πŸ€“

Finally, I sort of gave up on trying to stay connected with old friends last year and perhaps before as I felt that it was too one-way. However, for the people of whom I think on a regular basis, I will aim to make more of an effort to be the first to reach out to them every so often rather than wait as there is no gain in a one-sided battle of wills. πŸ˜›

Personal Growth:

This is my year of writing. Everything related to my personal growth goals this year are connected to what I want to achieve in my writing with the help of my writing tribe – Adoptee Writer’s Experience (AWE) led by Ann Peck.

Therefore, I have already scheduled in my weekly writing dates at a cafe β˜•οΈπŸ’» in Orvieto. Also, I have let M know and scheduled regular writing retreats every six weeks or so. This means I will book a hotel in Rome or somewhere else to escape distractions that might take me away from writing. The cost of this will be less than a short writing retreat and gives my introverted nature a break from social interactions as well. πŸ˜…

With all of this, my goal is to submit two short stories to pre-determined submissions and have a draft of my first novel by November. πŸ™πŸ½πŸ€žπŸ½

Spiritual Growth:

This area went up and down over the past year as I taught a few yoga classes and then didn’t, but managed to maintain my own practice regularly so that it is rare for a day to go by that I don’t do yoga.

Still, I have realized that I am missing the massive benefits that daily meditation brings me. I pushed it aside a bit, but am now trying to reprogram it in each day. I’ve started with pre-sleep meditation and eventually want to put back in a morning sit as well.

Furthermore, I am hoping to read at least seven “spiritual”/philosophy/self-help books:

  1. When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi – I’ve already started this as an audiobook
  2. The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield – Already on my bookshelf waiting to be opened
  3. Radical Compassion by Tara Brach
  4. Yoga of the Subtle Body by Tias Little
  5. Bhagavad Gita by Eknath Easwaran
  6. The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz
  7. Letters from a Stoic by Seneca

These are not in any specific order and when I say ‘read’, I also mean audiobooks as I tend to absorb nonfiction better aurally.

So, there you have it. My – planning – for 2022 is written in the end of my bullet journal book to round off the book and the year; and now it is here as a sort of accountability space.

Here we go!!! πŸ’ͺ🏽

~T πŸ˜€

The Self: Part 2

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Oct 242018
 

This week has been #singlelife for me as M is away visiting family. It’s the first time in almost two years that we have been apart for so long or without stress related to our time apart.

Even though I obviously miss him, it has been a fruitful time for me.Β 

For a while now, maybe a couple of years, I have felt less like myself despite how I may have appeared on the outside. There are a number of factors that probably contributed to this:Β  quitting my job (something I really wanted/needed to do), massive financial struggles, changes in lifestyle, etc. etc. During this period of time, I had to depend on other people like I have never ever done before and it is something that I am NOT very good at doing.Β 

With an early childhood like mine, where there was no one to depend on unconditionally, I naturally learned to rely only on myself for that which I held dear. I shared nothing of value to me with anyone – even with those whom I had grown to trust and love.Β 

The truth is that I would dare to say that a very small number of people in my life truly know me:Β  know what makes me cry (because emotions are sacred to me), know what my deepest thoughts about the world are, know what is actually important to me when it comes to this life and those I love, or know my expressions in all that I value.Β 

As a young idealistic youth, I thought that if people really wanted to know me, they would make the effort to discover these things about me and if they didn’t, well, I was just fine on my own without them. However, recent experiences have shown me that the opaque walls I built around me to give others the impression that they knew me, but they didn’t, aren’t necessary anymore – if they ever really were.Β 

These days, I return to some of my core values and beliefs.

I have always valued connections – whether positive or negative. People and experiences are what enrich our lives. When we close ourselves off by demanding that meet ups with others be on our terms or not at all, we only close the door to our own enrichment. When we say that we just need ‘me-time’ or that we cannot be ‘arsed’ to make an effort, we are really letting ourselves down.Β  When we make excuses of time, money, energy or whatever millions of other reasons we can find to justify why our self-centeredness is more important and more meaningful than opening the doors to others, then we are only limiting ourselves.

We, as individuals, can do anything. We can see the world. We can meet anyone. We can have more money than we need. We can have unlimited amounts of energy. We can make a contribution to society no matter how great or small.

How? By letting go of the self. Nothing and no one is ever alone. If we feel that we are, we only have ourselves to blame for our pushing away, for our blindness, for our lack of acceptance, for our lack of reaching out and asking.

If I had not valued the connections I had made over the years, there is no doubt in my mind the past few years would have been a million times worse than they were. Because of those connections (you know who you are), I am able to look back now with a smile and a sardonic laugh. I look back with extreme amounts of gratitude and love. I look back with limitless amounts of appreciation for the willingness to drop everything or give unconditionally to help me when asked, knowing that it was not an easy thing for me to do. There is no way that I can ever express enough how their SELFlessness helped me when I needed it the most.

In yoga philosophy, we study about the ego. We contemplate how the ego, or self, keeps us from true harmony in our lives – inside and out. While I never thought of myself as overly egotistical, I was definitely all about mySELF:Β  self-confidence, self-reliance, self-care, self-help, and the list could go on. I had bought in to the idea that truly taking care of number one could only be done by yours truly.Β 

Yet, as I discover the falsity of this way of thinking, I unexpectedly find myself more content and at peace.Β 

Of course, this does not mean that I retract my claim of ‘not liking people’. πŸ˜› It just means that, despite the irony of havingΒ time on my own to come to this realization, it is not always in my best interest – or any of ours – to focus so much on myself. Instead, I hope to restart embracing more connections and gaining experiences that enrich not only my life, but also help me to make whatever contribution I can back to others and the world in whatever way the Universe and God have planned for me.

~T πŸ˜€

The Self: Part 1

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Oct 232018
 

The other day, I sat outside during my lunch break to enjoy the beautiful cool, but sunny day. I’m sure that last year at this time I lamented about people’s tendency to say that there are no longer four seasons in Japan, and that ‘fall’ is near non-existent.

Yet, as I sat outside soaking up the sun under the trees with leaves that are changing color, I would beg to differ (yet again) with anyone who wants to keep saying that we are not experiencing an autumnal season. Perhaps this is just still coming from someone who spent nearly nine years where there truly aren’t notable seasons.

While I sat by the river, I initially was on my phone looking at social media. Then, I changed to reading a book thinking that was a better use of my time. In the end, though, I realized that I should just put the phone down and be in the world – enjoy the so-called ‘non-existent’ season.

So, I watched runners along the river, employees enjoying lunch in the weather, mothers walking with their children, and other individuals also enjoying the world around them. Instead of missing the seasonal changes by burrowing myself into my phone, I absorbed life around me with a great thirst.

It is usually when I stop to absorb life that I am able to contemplate. So, through my observations, I pondered:Β  ‘Who am I in the grand scheme of this life?’ ‘Would anyone miss me if I didn’t answer my phone, post on social media or go back to work?’ (This is not a cry for help – truly just a musing of my mind.) πŸ˜‰ What am I really doing that is of any significance – great or small?

Obviously, I know I am loved, valued and cherished by various people whether they tell me or not. I have no regrets in my life and am actually finding a new level of peace in who I am in this moment. Yet, I also recognize and appreciate that while I am just one person, just one speck, just one among millions, I still want to be contributing to the betterment of society. My contribution can be as small as a grain of sand or as big as the universe deems worthy – I really don’t care about the scale of it; just that I am doing something beyond myself.

This, in turn, caused me to follow another thought path that has been in and out of my contemplations lately: What is the line between self-care and just plain selfishness?

It is so trendy now to use terms like ‘self-care’, ‘taking care of number one’, etc. We are in this self-pampering and me-time world, where we have started to justify self-centeredness with a slight twist of the words to change the nuance so that we can feel better about pushing others away or demanding others to behave on our terms.

Now, I am not trying to downplay acts for self-protection or -preservation. I am in full agreement of ‘f@#k politeness’ as one of the themes of my favorite podcast. However, these thoughts/terms have a place and a time when they should be employed and even celebrated. They should not be a justification to become cold towards the world or those around us.

So, it leads me back to the self. What is the line? Is there a line? Should there be a line?

Of course, life is not as black and white as I would like it to be. Even grey is dulled out by all the colors that are out there.Β 

But, I question – have we over-complicated life? At what expense are we taking care of ourselves, looking out for number one, and saying we are who we are? I’m not sure anymore….

So here ends Part 1. Part 2 to come….

~T πŸ˜€

Making Space

 Going Mental  1 Response »
Oct 182018
 

Whenever there is a lot of clutter in my life, I feel out of sorts and confused. Perhaps this is why organizing is like a hobby for me as it makes me feel cool, calm, collected and in control. πŸ˜‰

As a young child I had no say in who my family was, where I lived, where I went or what I possessed. My early movements were so frequent that I could never form an attachment to anything or anyone. This lack of control or say in my life contributed to a harmless, but significant need to keep every scrap of paper that represented a memory in my life – from manuals to devices/appliances I no longer own, to my first set of Valentine’s cards in the first elementary school that I actually stayed in, to contracts of employment for every important job I’ve had thus far, to notebook after notebook that might carry some random thought I had about whatever was happening in that moment.

Study and teaching materials, monthly bills, movie tickets, travel brochures and receipts from trips all filled boxes that have moved with me throughout my adult life – nine years in Japan, nearly nine years in the UAE and now back to Japan.

Since our things finally arrived after a year in storage in the desert, we have been trying to sort out how to make what seemed like a minimalist lifestyle there fit into our new truly limited space – which is spacious by any standard here for just two people.

Additionally, life now has different meaning and purpose than it used to.

Before, I was all about the papers – articles I have read, articles I have written, articles I want to write and any (and every) article that represented my ‘wealth of knowledge’. Meaning and purpose was founded in the status of what these papers represented. I felt control and satisfaction over the fact that I have a record of my life and events in the myriad of boxes that have traveled with me.

My husband likes to give me grief about the fact that many of my papers have come full circle. πŸ˜› Some of the papers were useful to me, but the truth is that I wasn’t ready to let go of the life these papers represented.

After a number of pivotal moments, my life has greatly changed in the last few years. At last, it is time for the papers to go into the circular file – letting go of the past.

So, as I filled nearly 30 45L trash bags with that which no longer serves me, I felt not a loss of control, but rather a sense of freedom. The weight of all those papers was being lifted as my sweet partner encouraged me to get rid of the meaningless and unnecessary scraps of the past. At the same time, he supported me in keeping the items that represent important memories knowing how they can anchor me in remembering transitional periods of life back then. Still, I joked, my entire adult life (and some of my childhood) was boiled down to these 30 garbage bags.

Although I have not left a paper-trail-friendly profession completely, my home is now a safe space that I only want to fill with memories of travels, pictures of those I love, and items of a shared life with my partner. Each thing will now have meaning and purpose to represent all that I cherish rather than all that I could not let go of.

For the first time in my adult life, I have pictures and things up on my walls with plans to put up more. For the first time in my adult life, I am willing to establish a place to call home. For the first time in my adult life, I am not concerned about collecting everything just in case something is forgotten.

This process is far from being complete – I have collected a lot of stuff, so it will take a bit more time! However, the major boxes are emptied and many items have been discarded.

Now, we have more space to fill, carefully, with that which represents our life together serving us with love and joy.

~T πŸ˜€

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