AAPI, AANHPI, or MH Month?!

 Going Mental  No Responses »
May 032022
 

America is viewed as a country that will celebrate anything. A common observance shared with me by non-North Americans is the exuberance of Americans at amusement parks, conferences, sporting events, and our observances of different months, holidays, etc.

Having not lived in the US for some time now, I am not as well-versed in the norms of my adoptive country nor its people. However, running The Universal Asian has forced me to get back into touch with various cultural elements, which includes celebrating/sharing focused content in certain months.

So, May has been declared as Asian American and Pacific Islander (AAPI) awareness month, now also referred to as Asian American, Native Hawaiian and Pacific islander (AANHPI) month or some remove American and use “Awareness” as part of the acronym – Awareness of Asians and…. It’s all very confusing! On top of that, I have seen that May is also “Mental Health” awareness month – so what do we focus on or support?

The truth is that I find it all a bit bizarre and mostly a capitalist mentality. I mean, the Easter bunny came to be so that chocolate companies could benefit, after all. The problem is that with the ‘woke’ and ‘cancel culture’ mentality, one can no longer ignore these trends when trying to survive and thrive in a social media-based/influenced world.

All of it really makes me want to take a step back from anything connected to social media. I really just want to write, then turn off my computer to soak up the sun ☀️, read a book 📖, and listen to the birds 🐦whittle on in the background.

Last night, M and I had heated discussion about the continuation of The Universal Asian (more on that later), and for a long moment, I decided to shut it down – after sleep, I have since temporarily reconsidered. The thing is that I do not NEED to do it. I do not NEED to make it successful. I do not NEED to care or provide the space. I, personally, do not NEED nor MUST nor WANT to make it my life’s worth or work. I do it because I believe it has value and I believe the space is needed – plus it gives me something to do that focuses externally rather than in my own headspace. However, if another space/organization/group/entity wanted or started a similar space with more success, money, etc. then I would be content.

M retorted with a confused look as to how I do not have passion for something that he thinks is a great concept. I explained that my existence has never been fueled by passion or driving forces. I have ambition and I have motivation to do or create a lot of things from the many ideas that fill my head. I have a good instinct for things that work or do not make sense. However, there is no burning fire in my belly to achieve anything in particular in life. So, if nothing ever comes to fruition from my ideas, I’m totally and completely OK with it. Life, mine and others, will go on – that’s an absolute.

Fact is, if I were to die tomorrow or learn that I was dying, I would welcome it with relief. My father and M have said that they would be pissed off if they were in that position because they feel they still have things to do in this life. I do not. I never have. I have lived and experienced life fully, in my opinion, but I do not treasure it nor want to hold on to it.

It is with this outlook that I do not understand the role of awareness months or focused observances of days like International Pancake Day or Siblings Day, etc. If we want to appreciate something, then just do it – do it every day or do it when the mood strikes. Why do we need to be forced to give credence to a particular day or a particular month? To me, that shows less passion, drive and commitment than those who make it their life’s mission to raise awareness on whatever topic they feel inclined to take on.

Anyway, maybe my passion is in trying to expand the awareness of others to look beyond the trends and so-called norms, to live life so that one can be satisfied if they found out they were dying tomorrow…. 🤔

Whatever the case may be, I think I have brought AAPI/AANHPI and MH awareness to you reader now, haven’t it?! 😜

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Contrary for Contrary’s Sake?!

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Feb 172022
 

This is going to be a bit of a rant and admittedly a contrary one, but not just for the sake of it. 🤪

Most of the time, I loathe looking at social media for any holiday or “international/national day of ____” because it has become a space for people to schmooze and ooze over-the-top sentiments for the sake of it. However, those who post and then explicitly say that they “don’t celebrate/subscribe” to a celebratory day cause me to roll my eyes in irritation 🙄🙄 and is the source of this rant 🤬.

What exactly is the point of going to all the effort in creating a post specifically and clearly targeting the day in question, but then also explicitly making a point of saying that one does not actually like to ‘celebrate’ that day? What is the intended purpose? Why is it even necessary to post then?

Of course, I scroll on by as there is no need for me to make a comment on their posts themselves, but my poor partner gets to hear me rant about it. 🥰

The need to make a point that one is contrary serves no purpose to the reader, but instead is an extremely selfish act that puts out only negative energy – I understand that one could say the same about this post, but this is my blog and people have to actively choose to read these posts that I write as opposed to social media platforms that would require me to unfollow or block people whom I might not normally take issue with on non-celebration days. 😜

It just strikes me as extremely strange and counterproductive to be contrary for the sake of contrariness. I mean, wouldn’t it be better to not post anything at all? Or, are we meant to be ‘thankful’ or ‘inspired’ because one has gone beyond their norm to post a celebratory message that they have made a point of telling you they have done so? Should I comment with a “Happy ____ to you too” AND “Thanks so much for being a ‘better’ person because you posted when you didn’t want to or don’t appreciate the day that much!” ? ???? You can see my point, right?!

So, I shall end this rant here – please for the love of all that is good in the world, just post things that you want to post without trying to make the reader feel as if you’ve done them some favor by posting against your own desire to do so. I mean, after all, you have full control over posting or not. If you don’t post on some holiday, I honestly don’t think anyone is going to care or notice. To me, this is better than being made to feel as if the world owes you something for your post.

🎤🖐🏽 (mic drop) ~T out! 😀

From Kerfuffle to Positivity

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Dec 202021
 

There was a shadow cast that I knew had light on the other side, but lingered over me as I processed how the reaction of the very few was able to trigger a chain reaction with overblown responses resulting in unacknowledged ultimatums and bullying tactics because fear and a perpetual state of feeling injustice ruled dramatic actions.

It is ironic how I had just written about the need for open communication and how it may require persistence to reach a common understanding, yet found myself in a position where I had neglected to realize that the effort to talk things through also requires a level of maturity (not necessarily determined by age) and self confidence, of which is out of my control as that lies within others and cannot be adjusted within a simple moment or defined period of time that is needed to carry out a rational conversation.

To briefly explain my somewhat vague and slightly hyperbolic references, there was a kerfuffle that has led to two persons removing themselves from the platform. While they will be missed, they are fortunately – in terms of their roles with the platform – replaceable. It is also not a surprise nor overly disappointing to lose them. Every entity needs to evolve and adjust as it grows so I do not have issue with their departure.

So, what’s the problem?

The way they left and the reasons cited.

Clearly, we had different understandings of what the purpose of the space is meant to be.

I liken TUA, as a platform, to an empty room. We provide the room (platform) empty but open, clean and free to use. We do not hold any criteria for who can use it or how it is used once they have the key to access the room. Others get to use the room as well with the same freedom. Now, if someone doesn’t like the way the room is being used or the others in the room, it is their choice to move away, avoid them, or leave altogether. What doesn’t happen is: the room is changed for individual preferences, nor does its purpose get altered just because some don’t like how the room is used or they feel other users are dirty. We do not get involved in how others decide to work out any differences, etc. on their own because we expect them to act as civil fellow citizens of the world.

No doubt there are other analogies that could be used, but I hope you get the idea.

The point is that throwing temper tantrums or trying to bully one’s way are never successful tactics. Even less so is the silent treatment, avoidance of any direct communication, especially in a semi professional manner, or petty actions because they don’t like the way they think they were treated.

What really boggles my mind is how blind they are to not only having been bullied by a very few that led to these fearful and finger-pointing responses, but also their own similar actions in trying to get me to comply with no regard for the fact that I am human with a life outside the platform. When the crisis arose I was coping with my own internal battle so that adding the understandable yet very emotional drama of others was not in my capacity at the moment.

I do admit that it could have possibly been handled somewhat differently on my end, but my stance would not have been altered. The result may have been the same anyway. Therefore, I do not regret the series of actions as there is always a silver-lining in the aftermath.

Still, I have had frequent moments of contemplation on their behavior and expectations over the past week or so.

With people allowing social media to take over control of how and what they think, I find it disturbing how being able to work out differences or discuss compromises has become near impossible. I think that the influence and control given to a few negative comments is incredible and sad when it causes one to fear not being liked in an online space because of something that is only tangentially connected to them. I worry at the future of humanity when professionalism cannot be maintained because one feels the need to be pandered and catered to as a person rather than understanding the need to protect a space that one is a part of which is far larger than themselves. Plus, the few who used their own bullying and fear-mongering tactics to get their way because they didn’t like what was posted have no accountability for the triggering of a series of actions that have consequences far beyond themselves.

Although I had contemplated giving up and in altogether, as I personally cannot be arsed with the role of social media and online space, I have decided to shift my perspective and choose to look at the positives.

  • Change is inevitable.
  • Not everyone is going to be happy with everything.
  • Clearing out makes room for the new and allows for growth/improvement.
  • There is always something to be learned and to grow from.

Also, I keep in mind one of The Four Agreements shared by Don Miguel Ruiz – Don’t take anything personally. Ultimately, their responses and reactions are not about me as a person. Instead, they are about their own insecurities and fears. Also, I have no doubt that there are other internal struggles that I have no knowledge of nor perhaps do they consciously.

While I would have liked a conversation about their disagreeing opinions, even if it had become uncomfortable, I respect their decisions and wish them well in their next steps. While I cannot understand what is going on in their minds and lives, I can let go of any personal feelings around the situation by taking a breath and sending positive energy their way.

As it is the season of being bright and jolly, I am focusing on the joy of spending time with friends and taking a much needed break!!

~T 😁

Standing in and Sharing the Light

 Going Mental  2 Responses »
Aug 102020
 

Generally, I limit my social media interactions. For the longest time, I thought it was just because I do not care so much about what is going on in other people’s lives that I need to be updated regularly. However, just as its use has evolved, so has my reasoning for why I’m bothered by about 90% of what is out there these days.

Some time back someone recommended an author to me who writes about the peri menopausal/menopausal conditions of an aging woman from a rather humorous perspective – Nora Ephron. I read one of her books and it was indeed relatable and entertaining, but there was something that rubbed me wrong as I was reading her book “I Feel Bad About My Neck: And Other Thoughts on Being a Woman”. Initially, I thought it was the experiences she relates as a white, middle class, empty-nesting mother. Or, I thought perhaps I am just not yet old enough to appreciate it.

However, as time passed and I contemplated it more, I have found that the same niggling that bothered me about Ephron’s book is what irritates me about most social media posts (in particular, FB).

Some people are like me who post the various things they do in a day with a more upbeat tone. I try to share things to let those who follow me – particularly my family whom I don’t get to see often – that I’m still alive and enjoying life, for the most part. I do not post to have political discussions or to commiserate about the woes of my life. My outlet for that is this blog and it is one-sided mostly – as in, almost no one comments and even then there isn’t a back and forth dialog that happens on FB.

It is that aspect of commiseration that bothers me. Ephron’s book is one long commiseration for others in the same mindset and phase of life as the author. However, the tone of the pity party isn’t to uplift or to inspire, but to wallow and help others to feel okay about wallowing as well. In other words, the message is “Don’t feel bad about feeling bad, others feel bad too.”

While I understand the need to acknowledge that sometimes we just need to vent and have at least one person out there make us feel accepted and not alone, I do not think that this should be done on social media. Along the same vein, I do not think that social media should be used to present our lives as better than they are to give others a false sense of who we are.

People have sometimes asked me if my life is as good as it seems when I post pictures of my holidays or what I see and do. I always answer, YES my life is THAT good. It is. But, when I do have my down moments, I look to those around me to offer support and love or I call home to connect and address my homesickness. I do not put it up on a platform to make myself feel better by getting words of commiseration from people whom I may or may not really know and continuing a cycle of: not feeling bad that I feel bad because others also feel bad, so let’s all feel bad together….

The fact is that many people out there are truly struggling. Perhaps they can’t find work. Perhaps they can barely put food on the table. With quarantine and pandemic rhetoric, there are probably people suffering from depression, and isolation may not be serving them well. Therefore, posting about our inability to travel or go out regularly or having to cope with the ‘new normal’ – I hate this phrase, by the way -, we are promoting a negative message. For some, they may think, “If this person, who seems to have it all together, is moaning, then how will I ever get out of my own spiraling personal hell?!”

The truth is that many of us are quite privileged – we have the luxury to eat fully, bake regularly, work from home, order food if we don’t want to cook, see friends nearby, video chat with family from afar, and so much more. So, I feel that we should be sharing the little ways that we find joy in our days – a colorful butterfly, a flower blossom, ducklings on the river, the smile of a neighbor, moments to write or start new projects, etc. Spreading moments of joy and happiness provides others with hope and may inspire them to also see light in their version of darkness.

I’m not saying we should pretend that our lives are grand. I’m saying that the old adage of “If you don’t have anything nice to say/post, then don’t say/post it at all (especially on social media)” should be put into place, especially as we navigate our way through the current state of the world. If we all work toward bringing a little bit more light into the world, then even our own clouds of grey can be swept away.

~T 😀

One to One

 Going Mental  No Responses »
May 192020
 

If you look at my Facebook friends numbers, it says 914 as of today. One might think that I am a social butterfly with numbers like that.

However, it just goes to show how much numbers can be used to express, or give the perception of, something that is quite far from the truth.

Initially, I was going to write this post regarding my preference for just a few friends rather than many, but as I sat to write my mind drifted to the more current matter of how numbers are being used to try to convince people to “fall in line” with societal pressures to stay at home and socially distance themselves from others.

This morning, I read that to create prosperity we have to study about money (Rules of Wealth). In doing so, we learn the lingo and language, lifestyle and way of thinking that people with money, or who understand money, use to be wealthy.

The academic in me wholeheartedly embraces this advice. The anti-news consumer in me wholeheartedly rejects this advice. Somewhere in the middle is the skeptic who says that maybe it is true that if I don’t follow this advice I will limit my prosperity, but perhaps it also doesn’t hurt to learn a little bit and expand my knowledge base.

Most strongly, though, is my issue with numbers. Every day, we read about the latest numbers for the newly infected, deaths, and those hospitalized due to COVID-19. Now, these numbers can only reflect one piece of the bigger picture. Our attention has been trained to focus solely on the illness itself. Only this week have I started to hear discussion in the media regarding people’s livelihoods. Suddenly, with unemployment benefit applications rising to nearly a quarter of the US population there is interest in numbers related to the economy, households, etc.

The media is now going to force people to apply their emotional responses to the sad stories of those who are struggling because of the global shutdown. However, my issue is why wasn’t there some forethought applied before when decisions were made to blow numbers out of proportion scaring people into believing that it was a social responsibility to stay at home and close down the world? Where was the sense of social responsibility when it came to ensuring that people could pay bills, put food on their tables, and feel secure in being able to provide basic needs for themselves and their families?

I know I already ranted about this before, but when thinking about numbers again, I am amazed at the lack of desirability for the powers that be to make one to one correlations. I am amazed at how little skepticism is applied to what high numbers represent.

Just because my Facebook says I have 914 friends, does not make a one to one reality that they are all actually my friends.

It doesn’t seem like we need basic math(s) for that….

~T 😀

Using my own words…

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Jun 042019
 

I am a cynic.

It’s true.

You might be surprised by that if you don’t know me very well. If you do, then you’re probably sarcastically saying ‘no way?!’. 😛 (I hope so, anyway!)

While I was always in awe of former teachers and professors who could quote Shakespeare or the poetic words of the greats, I never truly understood why it was a valued talent. Other than for those who go on to performance-based activities, what useful purpose does this serve?

Furthermore, why do we celebrate the skill of memorizing someone else’s work? Is that really the only way that we can prove or express that we are “learn-ed”? How flattered can the dead be when you quote their work? If you’re still alive, is it truly the highest form of flattery you aspire to receive – to be quoted by others?

These days, it’s almost impossible to scroll through a social media site without reading a posted quote from someone other than the person posting.

Beyond that, we find music, movies, and other aspects of pop culture simply repeating classics or successful predecessors of the genres.

Perhaps, it has always been this way. Or, perhaps, it was the way before we could access information at our fingertips to recall the words of the wise. However, with the changing times, I’m still an old-school cynic. What’s the point of repeating or quoting what others have said without some sort of addition or revision of it?

Now, I’m a fan of the reduce, reuse, recycle mentality. I love it when I see creative ways of re-purposing something whether through mash-ups of songs, turning plastic bottles into shoes, or a new version of Anne of Green Gables. I can get behind this type of ‘change’.

I suppose in academia, receiving a number of references for your work is considered status-worthy, but even then, the best academic papers take referenced work and make them into something new or use it as a foundation to rationalize the contribution to the chosen field.

In any case, my brain is already stretched thin within the capacity that I am able to use it. Therefore, I really don’t feel or see the need to repeat the words of other people.

Additionally, I find it extremely lazy to simply paste a quote into a screen and pretend that I have said it without any expounding of my own opinion or perspective to explain why I am sharing someone else’s expression.

When I scroll through my social media and just see quotes instead of pictures and comments of what is going on in my contacts’ lives, then I swipe up passing posts without any connection or interest. This seems such a waste of my time and others’ for bothering to post it.

So, this is my social observation lately (related to an upcoming post topic), and is not meant to offend anyone. I mean, it’s your social media site and it’s your privilege to put whatever you want on it; just as it is mine to ignore it and ponder at the true purpose of the action. 😉

For me, I want to use my own words as much as possible to express myself in my way. Call me radical, or better yet, just call me cynical. 😀 (But, is it really?!)

And, for those readers who would like to disagree with me, feel free to justify or explain yourself! I love a healthy dialog!!

~T 😀

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