Whenever there is a lot of clutter in my life, I feel out of sorts and confused. Perhaps this is why organizing is like a hobby for me as it makes me feel cool, calm, collected and in control. π
As a young child I had no say in who my family was, where I lived, where I went or what I possessed. My early movements were so frequent that I could never form an attachment to anything or anyone. This lack of control or say in my life contributed to a harmless, but significant need to keep every scrap of paper that represented a memory in my life – from manuals to devices/appliances I no longer own, to my first set of Valentine’s cards in the first elementary school that I actually stayed in, to contracts of employment for every important job I’ve had thus far, to notebook after notebook that might carry some random thought I had about whatever was happening in that moment.
Study and teaching materials, monthly bills, movie tickets, travel brochures and receipts from trips all filled boxes that have moved with me throughout my adult life – nine years in Japan, nearly nine years in the UAE and now back to Japan.
Since our things finally arrived after a year in storage in the desert, we have been trying to sort out how to make what seemed like a minimalist lifestyle there fit into our new truly limited space – which is spacious by any standard here for just two people.
Additionally, life now has different meaning and purpose than it used to.
Before, I was all about the papers – articles I have read, articles I have written, articles I want to write and any (and every) article that represented my ‘wealth of knowledge’. Meaning and purpose was founded in the status of what these papers represented. I felt control and satisfaction over the fact that I have a record of my life and events in the myriad of boxes that have traveled with me.
My husband likes to give me grief about the fact that many of my papers have come full circle. π Some of the papers were useful to me, but the truth is that I wasn’t ready to let go of the life these papers represented.
After a number of pivotal moments, my life has greatly changed in the last few years. At last, it is time for the papers to go into the circular file – letting go of the past.
So, as I filled nearly 30 45L trash bags with that which no longer serves me, I felt not a loss of control, but rather a sense of freedom. The weight of all those papers was being lifted as my sweet partner encouraged me to get rid of the meaningless and unnecessary scraps of the past. At the same time, he supported me in keeping the items that represent important memories knowing how they can anchor me in remembering transitional periods of life back then. Still, I joked, my entire adult life (and some of my childhood) was boiled down to these 30 garbage bags.
Although I have not left a paper-trail-friendly profession completely, my home is now a safe space that I only want to fill with memories of travels, pictures of those I love, and items of a shared life with my partner. Each thing will now have meaning and purpose to represent all that I cherish rather than all that I could not let go of.
For the first time in my adult life, I have pictures and things up on my walls with plans to put up more. For the first time in my adult life, I am willing to establish a place to call home. For the first time in my adult life, I am not concerned about collecting everything just in case something is forgotten.
This process is far from being complete – I have collected a lot of stuff, so it will take a bit more time! However, the major boxes are emptied and many items have been discarded.
Now, we have more space to fill, carefully, with that which represents our life together serving us with love and joy.
~T π
