Day 8: Β What book are you most grateful for?
Oh my what a very tough question for me…! There are so many wonderful books out there and reading is my absolute favorite form of escaping reality. I have been doing it for as long as I can remember – reading to enter another world. π I think, however, the book I am most grateful for is _Anne of Green Gables_ by LM Montgomery. Why? First, I found my kindred spirited BFF through a mutual love of this novel/series. Also, it was probably the first proper story about adoption that I could relate to in some shape or form. While for most, this is a story of a strong-willed, free-spirited red-headed young girl whose short temper and mischievous nature got her into a number of tangles, then she grew up to be a role model and made her adopted parents proud; for me, it was much more than this. It was hope. So, I am grateful that this book was written and also so popular to become great films too! π
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Lately, I have been struggling a little bit mentally and emotionally. I suppose that I could say I have been depressed; though not in my bipolar way, but in a truly depressed kind of way. In fact, I have been sleeping far more than I usually do and it is not due to vacation-mode settling in; but rather more of another form of escape since reading was not working either.
One of the reasons for this state of mind is a sense of being trapped. Now, freedom is one of my greatest values in life. I need to feel free to feel like myself. It was something that became central to my existence from the time I went to university. It is a value that I struggled with due to my background of not having any control over my early years. Since then, I have prided myself in the fact that I have held good jobs, managed my money just enough to ensure I could travel or have the lifestyle that I want, etc.
Since deciding to quit my job, circumstances have changed and with a number of changes happening all at once, I am, for the first time in my life, in a situation where I feel trapped again. One reason I held off on ever wanting to get married again was also that sense of responsibility for another person. Now, I do not feel trapped by being married, but together we have created a status that has crippled my sense of freedom.
This is, of course, temporary and I know that in due time everything will be even better than it was before. Therefore, it is a matter of getting my head back on straight, my heart full again, and my focus on what matters most. We are both healthy and generally happy. I have a lot of freedom in terms of time, which is a new experience that I can focus on enjoying. I have a lot of freedom in what I can do each day as far as exercise, yoga, pool-time, etc.
Thus, if I keep my eye on the prize, I know that all is well. π
~T π
