Sunny days in Japan means that it’s a laundry day. One can see clothes hanging on balconies outside throughout the city. The decision on when to do laundry is not really left to one’s own schedule or choice, but is instead determined by the whims of nature.
In this, I ponder a parallel in wondering how much free choice we truly have, or are we already fulfilling what the universe has determined that we should be doing?
Perhaps our freedom of choice lies is in deciding when to stop refusing to take the path meant for us? Perhaps, then, our unhappiness and discontent is in our stubbornness in believing we know a better way….
Sometimes (OK, most of the time!), it is easier to see what other people should or should not be doing with their lives than in our own. So, lately, I have been trying to remove the judging instinct and reflect….
I question regularly if I am avoiding a path before me? Am I refusing to see a way that is meant to be? Am I afraid to take a road less traveled?
My instinct says, “No!”
But, the truth is, I really don’t know.
My ego wants to believe that I am slightly more aware and in tune with myself than most and yet… perhaps I am deluded.
Maybe I just don’t know what I don’t know, or don’t want to know it.
The best way I do know how to judge myself objectively (if it’s even possible) is by my mental state. Given the fact that I have tendencies for extreme ups and downs, if I am fairly even keeled mentally, then I tend to think I am on the right path. When my mental state gets unbalanced, then perhaps it is because I have started to meander off the best trajectory.
With that as a working gauge, these days, I’m definitely feeling more and more on an even keel. My wheel of life actually feels like it is starting to even out so that all spokes of the wheel are moving forward smoothly.
My job is good. My finances are improving. My health is stable. My friendships are strong (at least from my perspective π ). My love life is fabulous. My free time is spent pleasurably.
All in all, I am more content with life than I have been for a long time. I generally feel at peace in my heart and mind. While I may complain about various aspects of life here and there about decisions to be made – as any normal person does -, I do feel quite satisfied with where I am.
With all that said, I do have a sense that there is more I should/could be doing. I’m never one to just be content with life – even when all is good! π
So, while I have renewed my own practice in yoga and meditation, I am not teaching it again (yet). While I have settled into a job and made the circumstances as ideal as I can, I’m not fulfilled or satisfied enough with just that. Therefore, maybe it’s time to start taking steps towards doing more….
As I contemplate this, I also come to a revised understanding of knowing whether or not I’m on the right track. When everything in my life is aligned, then opportunities seem to open up serendipitously. The idea that those who have get more chances to have more seems to be true in a way. This is not a boast in any way, but I am aware that when my life is in balance I am able to see more than when my focus is on particular aspects of life. A bit like ‘seeing the forest for the trees’ rather than ‘the trees for the forest’.
In my next post, I’ll share with you what I think is an example of what I’m trying to say here….
~T π
