After having some scheduling troubles over the weekend, I had my fifth session with Karen on Saturday. Usually, she doesn’t work on weekends, but to ensure that we stay on track she kindly made an exception given my little time mix-up on Friday. π
So, we focused mostly on money matters this session.
Her motto was “Be, Do, Have”. If you are what you want to be and act accordingly, then you will have all that you need and more. Most people live according to “Do, Have, Be”. This means that people believe that if they do things, then they will have and then be the kind of person they want. This perpetuates a cycle of discontent and unhappiness.
How does this relate to money? Well, I would fairly confidently say that most people are ruled by their desire to have money or have more money. Money is their center and for many their God. If we work hard enough (DO), then we will HAVE money and BE happy.
Thus, the point is to get a handle on our relationship with money.
For me, money has equaled instant gratification to purchase things, given me freedom to travel or allowed me to do the things that I want when I want. So, I’ve been in the DHB cycle rather than the BDH one.
We went back to when my relationship with money became what it is today. That day was when I decided to have an abortion at 18-years-old just when my life was opening up to college and the world beyond. By spending the money that I had saved, I felt guilty, less than perfect and stupid for having become pregnant and wasting my money on ending it.
This has led me to constantly reinforce in my tape recorder that says I am stupid and worthless, which reflects in the fact that I am in debt showing that the money I make now is indeed worthless (cuz I’ve already spent it) and I continue to feel stupid for being in debt. π
So…by sorting myself out I can say that while it was not an ideal situation to get pregnant and make the decision to not have the child, it does not make me stupid or worthless as a person. In some ways, it was actually very smart because that decision has opened up the possibilities that I have made into my life today.
Therefore, while I do indeed need to work on getting my relationship straight with money, I can do so with a lighter feeling and look at it positively as taking responsibility for my actions and wanting to make the results different/better.
-T π
