As a child I do not know how I was with patience. I imagine that I held it all in and worked hard to never show my annoyance. Does it mean I was patient? Perhaps I was thinking that waiting patiently would bring back my Omma to me.
Possibly the anger and sadness that came with the eventual realization that my Omma was never coming back led to my state of impatience and short temper throughout most of my formative years.
They say that age tames a person and we develop more patience and tolerance as time goes by. I wonder if it is about the actual age or is it experience that wears us down and makes us more complacent towards people and life? Maybe because I adamnantly refuse to become complacent my patience and tolerance has not necessarily increased. I am not saying this is ideal or even trying to justify it – rather I am trying to understand it.
Living in foreign countries and traveling requires a certain amount of patience that is different from that needed for having children or interacting with people. Same goes for driving on the roads compared to getting customer service. No matter the situation, we all need to have some amount of patience and tolerance. Yet, I find I have endless patience for children and some people, but not for all. I can be tolerant of some driving faux pas and not others… The question is why? What triggers my negative reaction? Why do I let it become personal enough to generate a response at all?
A lot has to do with respect and value of myself. This is undoubtedly related to being abandoned and disrespected as a helpless child. A primal wound that is so deep that without regular attention to it causes me to react in a rather extreme way.
So, the lesson here is to think of Miguel Ruiz’s _Four Agreements_ and to remind myself to “Take nothing personally” for these activities that require patience are not an attack or a reflection of me as a person. They are just activities that must be gone through whether for the sake of it or for a learning opportunity. If I really want to be open to true growth and development then I need to hold this mindset as true.
Thus, a daily reminder of holding myself with respect and value by saying “I am patient and tolerant with all.” may be just what is needed.
~T π
