Interestingly, I wrote the title of this post last week after a conversation with my friend that I mentioned in my post about perspectives being relative.
Yesterday, I went to a book club (yep! and more on that later), where we were discussing the atrocities experienced by the tribes of Congo by the Europeans – particularly King Leopold of Belgium. As we discussed, one attendee, who is Korean, but spent most of her life in America, brought up the atrocities experienced by the Koreans and Chinese at the hands of the Japanese. While we all felt her pain and the closeness of it could not be denied given her father had been put in prison by Japanese soldiers, we could not help but remind her that similar acts had been done by Russians, Germans, Romans, and so on. The historical list is endless. She was not easily appeased, but quieted down eventually when we were not as mortified as she.
This goes back to trying to have conversation on the history of African Americans. A new museum has just been opened in D.C. to finally let the sharing of their history be cemented and recognized; yet every AA I know will still remind you of how horrible their history is even if they grew up fairly well off and unaware of much racism. It seems that they more than willingly take on the pain and suffering of their ancestors even today. Admittedly, this might not be completely fair given what is going on all around the U.S. right now between the AA community and the police force…, but that’s a whole other topic!
What is salient to me, though, is that when another AA group – the Asian Americans – talk about their history, there is very little complaint about their treatment or atrocities done. It does not mean that it did not happen – recall the Chinese railroad workers or Japanese interment camps -; it just means that the stories are more about their personal or familial struggles and efforts to overcome rather than stories of their persecution and reasons for not succeeding.
No one likes to hear this, but the perspective that we take – victim or survivor – greatly affects how we share our histories. If I play the victim, then there is no way that anyone’s history can ever be as bad as mine. On the other hand, if I play the survivor, then it is a story of victory and achievement where there is no way that anyone’s history can ever be as inspiring as mine. π
In no way, shape or form do I devalue nor do I discount the individual, group or cultural history that needs to be shared. However, I do feel that we could do with a bit more empathy and compassion for others to put our own histories into perspective. It is not a competition on who has it worst, but should be a sharing and connecting on who can make the best of it to better themselves, those around them and the world as a whole.
So, I smile at those who want to convince me that they have had it or even now have it so rough. As I walk away, I will give a sigh of relief that they have helped me to be grateful for my own struggles today and in the past whilst providing me with a new perspective to enjoy life to the fullest no matter what.
~T π
