Opposites attract. It is a proven magnetic truth. We need opposites to be whole. Yin-Yang have pieces of each other, but also make a circle of unity in their differences. This is also me and my husband.
I adore his silliness and optimism towards life. Although we share many qualities, we are definitely opposites in many ways.
One of these areas is my need and desire for consistency, decisions and purposeful proactive actions vs his tendency for spontaneity, let’s see what happens attitude and reactive actions.
Despite my constant battle to try to bring in order to his chaos, I must accept the reality that I will always lose unless I take control completely or let go completely. There seems to be no room for in between. Unfortunately, I have not yet come to terms with this….
Still, the time is coming when I need a decision to be made about our movements – for my own sanity and sense of normal. I want to leave the country and move on. I have had enough. My husband, on the other end, daily changes his mind. Some days we are on the same page and agree we are leaving. Other days, he comes home rethinking and feeling more positive about the future. While I want to be respectful and give my husband the reigns to take charge of this aspect of our lives, the wary, cynical skeptic is not so certain….
It feels as if I am being tested between the role of a dutiful and supportive wife and the sensible, level-headed, proactive organizer of chaos. If my husband were the latter, then the former would be very easy to fulfill. However, this is not the case because he has gifts in other ways; therefore, I am not sure how or whom to be.
For now, I try to get through another day knowing it may be another thought and hoping that eventually the chaos will wear itself out leaving me some time and space to put everything back in order again….
~T π
