The other day, I sat outside during my lunch break to enjoy the beautiful cool, but sunny day. I’m sure that last year at this time I lamented about people’s tendency to say that there are no longer four seasons in Japan, and that ‘fall’ is near non-existent.
Yet, as I sat outside soaking up the sun under the trees with leaves that are changing color, I would beg to differ (yet again) with anyone who wants to keep saying that we are not experiencing an autumnal season. Perhaps this is just still coming from someone who spent nearly nine years where there truly aren’t notable seasons.
While I sat by the river, I initially was on my phone looking at social media. Then, I changed to reading a book thinking that was a better use of my time. In the end, though, I realized that I should just put the phone down and be in the world – enjoy the so-called ‘non-existent’ season.
So, I watched runners along the river, employees enjoying lunch in the weather, mothers walking with their children, and other individuals also enjoying the world around them. Instead of missing the seasonal changes by burrowing myself into my phone, I absorbed life around me with a great thirst.
It is usually when I stop to absorb life that I am able to contemplate. So, through my observations, I pondered:Β ‘Who am I in the grand scheme of this life?’ ‘Would anyone miss me if I didn’t answer my phone, post on social media or go back to work?’ (This is not a cry for help – truly just a musing of my mind.) π What am I really doing that is of any significance – great or small?
Obviously, I know I am loved, valued and cherished by various people whether they tell me or not. I have no regrets in my life and am actually finding a new level of peace in who I am in this moment. Yet, I also recognize and appreciate that while I am just one person, just one speck, just one among millions, I still want to be contributing to the betterment of society. My contribution can be as small as a grain of sand or as big as the universe deems worthy – I really don’t care about the scale of it; just that I am doing something beyond myself.
This, in turn, caused me to follow another thought path that has been in and out of my contemplations lately: What is the line between self-care and just plain selfishness?
It is so trendy now to use terms like ‘self-care’, ‘taking care of number one’, etc. We are in this self-pampering and me-time world, where we have started to justify self-centeredness with a slight twist of the words to change the nuance so that we can feel better about pushing others away or demanding others to behave on our terms.
Now, I am not trying to downplay acts for self-protection or -preservation. I am in full agreement of ‘f@#k politeness’ as one of the themes of my favorite podcast. However, these thoughts/terms have a place and a time when they should be employed and even celebrated. They should not be a justification to become cold towards the world or those around us.
So, it leads me back to the self. What is the line? Is there a line? Should there be a line?
Of course, life is not as black and white as I would like it to be. Even grey is dulled out by all the colors that are out there.Β
But, I question – have we over-complicated life? At what expense are we taking care of ourselves, looking out for number one, and saying we are who we are? I’m not sure anymore….
So here ends Part 1. Part 2 to come….
~T π
