While I was home I came to a realization that surprised me. I’m tired of ‘changing’ or trying to do so.
Obviously, the core person I am is the same – and likely always will be. However, I constantly believe that I need to ‘better’ myself. Whether that is through what I eat, how I exercise, my mental state, my spirituality. Instead of trying to change others, I have always been introspective believing that it is me who should bring about the characteristics and behaviors I wish to see in others.
In doing so, I have exhausted myself on many levels without realizing that it was taking a toll. 😳
The freedom of family is that you can be who you are without judgement or worry that they will lay down conditions to permit you to continue to be who you are. Although family might have the permission to intervene if you’re on the wrong track, we take it because it is coming from a safe place.
Although marriage creates a new kind of security, it really never replaces the comfort of family.
So, in that safety, I came to the conclusion that my focus in 2023 is going to be on me. Not on bettering myself or changing who I am for others, but on just being me. It might seem/sound selfish. It might not even seem that different from how my life and attitude appears to others, but I will know the difference; and, in keeping with my vision – that is all that matters! 😅
This leads me back to my previous post about ‘selfishness’.
Is it a negative when I say that I am planning on being more selfish? Is it harming or negatively affecting anyone if I choose to make decisions based on me and for me?
In this moment, I think that the answer is NO.
Obviously, should I make decisions later that are harmful then it puts a negative context on the idea of selfishness, but with the contemporary social desire to promote self-care, self-awareness, self…etc. I think that we have moved toward considering the concept of selfishness as more positive. While I am not going that far on the plus/minus spectrum, I am going to try to be more neutral, which is actually more me than anything else.
How all of this will look is still being processed. I know that it means I will no longer be involved in the Universal Asian space that I created out of selflessness. It also means more yoga and meditation time for myself, not teaching. It will mean more time for writing, but also focusing on the areas that can generate some funds to give me more financial independence on a microlevel. It will also mean more time for travel on my own whether in short day trips or longer weekend getaways – I’m not sure yet, but it’s all being thought through as I begin my reflective days in planning for the upcoming year.
With that – here’s to a year of SELFISHNESS! 🤪
~T 🔥🐉♋️
