I knew it should have been a sign when a year ago I fought hard to get permission to take a semester off from my doctoral studies. Truthfully, I should have just continued through, but something inside me felt that I needed to take a break. When my semester off ended, I still was not ready to plow fully ahead. Matching the amount of support I was receiving from my potential supervisor, I half-heartedly submitted a proposal that received feedback saying it would be nearly impossible to do the research I was proposing.
This led to an exchange of emails that ended with me in need of a new supervisor, and with the end of semester approaching, wondering if I should bother with this at all – plus no response has come regarding obtaining a new supervisor (hardly a surprise!).
From an academic standpoint, I have a few options:
1. Drop out and quit altogether.
2. Push for a new supervisor at the institution and pray that I get one that won’t be biased against me, will offer the kind of support that I need as a distance learner and relatively new researcher and get it done regardless of my motivation level.
3. Take a year or so off, look for a new program that matches better with my research interests and hope that the time will provide me with opportunities to position myself in a place where doing the kind of research I would like will be easier and more beneficial.
Option 3 is looking to be the best choice overall for me. I’m not totally ready to throw in the towel completely as I still want to do the PhD and I still see the need/value of completing the degree. However, my life interests and heart are elsewhere at the moment and so it seems that taking a step away to re-evaluate and re-focus, plus give a go at what my heart is truly calling me to do is looking more prudent.
So, here I am at a crossroad, looking in every direction, not knowing which is the best path, not knowing where the paths lead, and debating within myself as to which path my heart feels is the best one to take….
-T
