So, it’s official, I hit near bottom last night with a minor meltdown. First, let me say that when someone is having a minor meltdown it is best to not try to aggravate them even more, no matter how much you think you are trying to help. Why? Because either it just elongates the meltdown or if they are like me, it will get suppressed to boil into an even larger one at a later date.
Keeping my fingers crossed that the later one never comes and that a bit of talking has helped dissipate it….
Anyway, it is important for me to keep note of the symptoms of when the low is coming. A while back I self-diagnosed myself as bipolar II. After that I sort of forgot about this and have been somewhat lax in keeping track of my mental state. However, I did start to remember back when I was being overly productive and noticing how my sleep was becoming less than it was.
Therefore, here are some of the signs for me when I am on a ‘high’ –
*Sleeping six or less hours and still feeling strangely energetic
*Being much more than normal productive and seemingly happy
*Feeling the need to be on the go all the time and thinking that it is just me enjoying being social or out of the house
*Exercising like a fiend
Although none are bad things in and of themselves, together it makes for what appears to be slightly strange….
It all makes sense when the ‘low’ comes –
*Easily irritated by everything
*A feeling of being out of control in all areas, especially of myself
*Frustration with small matters
*Feeling of being picked on, bullied or misunderstood in everything
*Tension in neck, shoulders and lower back
*Begin to lose motivation previously had for exercise and socializing…
Of course, on top of this, it is also important for me to be aware of my natural inclinations towards being both introverted, homebody and conflicted with wanting to be somewhat social….
So, if you haven’t already guessed that I am a bit of a nut – which I embrace fully – it is just good that I am aware and can reflect on ways of dealing with this.
In the back of my mind, I am a bit concerned that if my birthmother is actually the said woman I may have found who lost her mental state a few years ago, it would mean that I am only about ten years away from the same age and perhaps the same fate if such things are genetic…. So, although she may not actually be my birthmother, it is another thing to keep in mind…
Anyway…this blog sort of keeps me one step closer to ‘sanity’….
π -T
