I thought it might be good to start off with a post on my “ups and downs” as it has been a while since I wrote anything about it. By the way, this is what I call my ‘bipolar’ tendencies. My therapist and I have agreed that I definitely have a pattern and whether or not we put a label on it doesn’t really matter – so I prefer this term for now.
While I have considered for the past few months possibly going back on some drugs, I think that until I finish my PhD serious consideration will have to wait as I need to be in a mental place where I am prepared for the ‘daze’ that might set in. Since this is my writing year and I really want to complete this degree (finally!), I think it best to continue trying alternative and natural ways of dealing with my ups and downs.
In the last session I had, my therapist reminded me of making lists that properly prioritize the things I need to get done. It’s a three-tiered list with “Things I have to do (now)”, “Things I need to do (later)”, and “Things I should do (eventually)”. She called them ABC, but I prefer this way of separating and prioritizing. So, when I am feeling ‘up’, I should focus on the As and Cs. When I am in the middle, I do As and Bs. When I am ‘down’, then I just do the As. In this way I am not trying to accomplish everything, but focusing on what I can do as well as being in tune with myself and what I feel able to do.
So, this seems to be working for me at the moment. Sadly, there have just been too many As to get through that I’ve nearly given up on the listing…but as routine starts to kick in, everything will start to sort itself out….
Interestingly, the hardest part I have is in controlling the ups and downs. I’m supposed to achieve the midlands consistently and yet a part of me wants the ups and downs…
It’s all a work in progress…later, I will discuss my thoughts on the genetic disposition I might have with all of this….
-T π
