_The Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted Child_ by Nancy Newton Verrier
Over a year ago, I found my first foster mother in the States. In our first telephone conversation she mentioned this book to me and recommended it. When I was in Korea in 2009, someone there had also mentioned this book saying how it really opened her eyes to her adoption experience. So, I ordered it and began to read it last summer.
Since it is a paper book, it took me longer to get through than if it had been on my e-reader. Also, it is not really one of those books that you can read straight through as it takes time to digest aspects of what Verrier is saying. So, finally last month I finished it.
The basic gist is that when a child is taken away from its biological mother there is a wound that develops that will never heal. For many adoptees this wound is deep and reopened regularly. The biological need to feel the connection to the person who provided shelter and security for nine months can never be replaced. Due to this wound being inflicted at such a young age, it affects every following relationship with females as well as future friends. One’s identity is also further changed from this broken connection.
There’s much more to explain, but that’s the overall theme. It was an eye-opening read as I had always felt that I was alone in how I felt about the world and the people in it. However, as I read, I realized I’m actually quite ‘normal’. 😉
I am taking the book home to give to my mom to read so that she may find some comfort in knowing that my distance from her growing up was not a personal affront to her as my mom, but just the mere fact that she was there. Maybe it will help. I also recommend my friends to read this as it may help them to understand me that much more. 😀
-T
