If I were to describe myself to others who might not know me, I would say that I am:
*organized
*no nonsense
*quiet, but not shy
*a listener and observer (introverted)
*conditional giver (yes, I only give under certain conditions, but then I give forever and always)
*loyal once one has gained my trust and respect
*traditional in etiquette, manners, and behaviors
*stubborn 😛
*a problem-solver
*confident
*writer
*teacher
*moderate
*stable (despite my up and down tendencies)
If you know me, you can comment on whether or not this is an accurate perception of myself or not. However, I think I am pretty close.
When one knows oneself reasonably well in the truest sense, it can become tiring to exist around other people who may not match these qualities. If you believe in the idea of energies or chemical interactions of people based on their behavior and actions, then you can understand that someone with my qualities can be put off balance by others who have more opposite tendencies.
We need all kinds of people in the world. The Chinese yin and yang requires this mix for true harmony in life. Still, that is not to say that the effort in trying to maintain balance is not draining or even exhausting at times.
For me, I have a pretty full pot of patience (shocking to anyone who might have known me in my childhood) and tolerance. Most of the time, I can find ways to refill it on my own – as a true introvert does. However, there are times when my pot becomes near empty because I am not given the time I need to replenish. When this happens, I get tired physically and mentally. My temper shifts. My motivation wanes. My interest in anything dwindles. My mood drops into the spiral of a downshift.
Despite my awareness of these results, I cannot always nip it in the bud before it is too late, for various reasons of life. Therefore, there usually comes a point when I need to just take a day or two or even up to a week to step back.
This week has been a partial version of this. I have not worked out. I have socialized, but in a limited capacity and with limited enthusiasm. I have started to feel depressed and frustrated….
Yesterday, I was able to have most of a day to myself to do as I liked. I still had a lesson and did some ‘work’ at home; but for the most part, I had the chance to watch TV, sleep early and just spend some QT in my head. (Scary?! :D)
So, it was good. No full conclusions or decisions were made, but I had down time on my own which is very much what I needed. I miss my family. I miss my BFF. I need a tribe, a new tribe, but am not yet sure how to go about it at the moment. However, now I have had my day and so it is time to pluck myself up and get out and about it again!
~T 😀
