Tonight I was asked,
“So, Tara, where is your family located?”
I paused to consider what the question really meant;
I knew that was not the real question.
I responded,
“In Oregon. In the States.”
“Is the rest of your family in Japan, then?”
As I expected, he didn’t really want to know where my family is.
I replied,
“Well, I’m not Japanese. I’m adopted and was born in Korea.”
Inside my head, I am screaming,
“WTF? How does this always come up in a conversation with me?”
Then, I thought to myself,
Why does it matter? Why do I get so worked up? What is it that really bothers me?
“You have issues,” I have been told by a beloved colleague.
“We all have issues,” I responded politely.
The difference is that we always have to discuss MY issues when a question is raised
About where I am from, who is my family, why am I Asian and only call myself American…
To me, asking this kind of question is the same as me asking someone to talk about their most sensitive issues in a casual, nonchalant, “I’m totally insensitive to your feelings” kind of way.
I know that is not necessarily the intent, but what right does anyone have to ask or assume that when I say,
“I am American. My family is from and is in Oregon.”
That I should be saying,
“I was born in Korea and I was adopted, so I don’t speak Korean. No, I don’t know my birth family, and I don’t know much about Korea.”
If a white man says,
“I am American. I’m from New York.”
The question that generally follows is:
“Oh what part? The City or Upstate?”
No one would think to ask,
“Were you born there? Is your family there? Where are you or your family from originally? Does your family speak that language still?” with underlying assumptions that he doesn’t belong, that he must have another reason for saying that he’s from New York and calling himself an American.
Why is it different for me?
Why is being Asian on the outside not freely acceptable to be considered American?
Why is being Asian on the outside an invitation to question origins, history and in general one’s existence?
Why is being Asian a free pass to consciously or subconsciously make a point that I am not from the dominant, colonial culture and therefore, I must have another reason for passing myself off as “American”?
Why is being Asian questioned at all?
Why is being adopted still not accepted?
Why is being adopted still an awkward topic, while being homosexual or transgender is less so?
Why is being adopted still something to be pitied or forced to be grateful about?
I suppose I will never escape the questions
I will never stop people from asking…will I?
Acceptance…peace…issues.
-T
~May 7, 2009
