Frustration.
Is that the word I am looking for? I am not sure. It feels right at the moment. What do I have to be frustrated about, though?
Life on the whole is good. We finally have money coming in regularly. Our rent gets paid on time every month. The bills are getting paid. We even have enough money to splurge on little things here and there throughout the month. There is even a glimmer of hope that our (mostly my) things in storage could actually be in the shipping process by the end of the month. That’s extreme progress if you look at where we were just six short months ago.
Yet, there’s an underlying dark spot in my mind that is starting to grow and overwhelm me. If I can name it, will I know how to deal with it?
By now, I should have more awareness and strategies in place to cope with my ups and downs, regular hormonal cycle and stresses of living. Yet, there are times when I feel like our goldfish with short term memories – did I just eat? Am I hungry now?
So, at the moment, the name that comes to mind is frustration.
Perhaps it is the mundane routine of ‘work’. Although my job is fairly diverse, and not every day is the same kind of work, I still feel unchallenged by it. Of course, if I do manage to keep my patience, it will change and I’ll be able to do some new projects soon. It’s just a matter of time.
Still, knowing that doesn’t alleviate the stress I feel.
In any case, I think I am close to putting my finger on this dark place and once I do, then the light will indeed shine again on it. Until then, I shall lightly brood….
~T π
