The other day, for the first time, I voiced the words I have written about my thoughts on feeling as if there must be more purpose to my life than what I am currently doing.
It is not a matter of being dissatisfied nor is it a sense of being lost. It’s not a midlife crisis or a lack of identity. Rather, it’s just an acceptance or hope that this is a temporary routine.
I like my work overall. The routine and mundane is a comfort over the alternative of not knowing when or how bills will get paid. Still, now that the dust is settling, I’m seeing what lies behind the swirls and aspire for more. This might be just part of a blurred view of what is there, but my gut is telling me to keep seeking something.
It feels more like a sense of settling down and setting up ‘home’ more solidly, which requires our things to be shipped and some spare money to spend without a loud whisper reminding me of the debts we still owe others.
We are indeed making progress, but it does sometimes feel like it will never end. However, now is not the time to lose heart. Instead, the focus must be on our goals – long & short-term. This is where the idea of the impermanence of the situation comes from, I imagine.
Anyway, if nothing else I’m reading, writing and studying more to give myself little challenges here and there. With patience and perseverance I am sure that everything will go faster. In the meantime, I should celebrate the fact that it seems as if my wheel of life is actually balanced letting it roll smoothly on the path that we are on. π
~T π
