Higher Vibrations

Although there were many interesting points that I gleaned from listening to Stay Sexy and Don’t Get Murdered: The Definitive How-To Guide, one of the most salient ones that has stayed with me is about low and high vibrations.

Karen Kilgariff tells an anecdote about when she was catching up with her friend whom she regularly met up with to debrief on their lives. It wasn’t out of the ordinary for them to complain or share trials or tribulations. She noticed that her friend was uncharacteristically not matching her energy, so rather than hold a grudge about it, she expressed her frustration and asked what was up. Karen’s friend thanked her for her honesty and then shared how the low vibrations she was receiving from Karen’s stories were a bit too much for her just then.

This really made me think about my own conversations with those close to me. Even though I present a pretty upbeat front to my parents (though I think they know when I’m faking it…?) or to those whom I am not 100% comfortable with (even people whom I call friends), I am not always so – surprise! (note sarcasm)

My default mode tries to ensure that the other person(s) doesn’t need to overly concern herself with my problems. This is learned behavior based on my own judgments on previous experiences.

If someone has power or authority over me, like my parents, then I don’t want to let them know that there is something wrong with me as it might make them love me less, which in the past led to abandonment. Of course, by now, my intellectual side knows that this isn’t rational in any way. My parents love me and haven’t left me for any reason yet, despite me probably giving them a reason or two. ;D

If someone seems to have their own problems or life appears difficult for them in the present, then I don’t want to burden them with my own issues as it might make them like/love me less and walk out of my life, which in the past has happened amongst friends or those whom I had trusted.

So, only a handful of people (including my parents when I remember to drop the facade), actually get a view of the deepest and darkest parts of my heart and mind. Don’t worry – they also get the superficial stuff too! 😛

Still, regardless of this truth, I have noticed lately that as I hit the joys of middle age changes that my vibrations have become lower and lower. The previously grey with occasional clear blue skies forecasts have turned into constant rain with occasional thunderstorms. Even though I was not what one would call “cheerful and peppy” on the best of days, I still smiled, laughed and tried to make the best of it.

Recently, I think about 80% (or more) of my time is complaining about work, society, men, friends, husband, cats, life itself, or anything else I can come up with. There are times when I know that I forget to stop and think:  Is this really what the other person needs to be hearing? Shouldn’t I be asking more questions about them?

Therefore, I am (still unsuccessfully) working on sending out higher vibrations to others. It’s not that I am going to put the mask back on all the time. It’s more about being less selfish and more honest – not only to myself, but also to others – even those I tend to keep at bay out of fear.

I’m a grown woman now. If people leave me for something I say or do, I can own it, respond to it, and then leave them to do what is best for them.  Whatever the outcome, I am not defined or bound to it as long as I have been true to myself and compassionate in my response.

We all know when we are sending out high or low vibrations. We all instinctively know when we have left someone better or worse than we met them. Sometimes, they are the same and that’s great too.

Still, why not aim for the higher vibrations?

After all, the Beach Boys knew that good vibrations gave them excitations and who doesn’t want that? 😉

~T 😀