Where does the time go? There I was thinking that I was on regular schedule for posting, but then three weeks just flew by! Now, I am back in March and hoping to not jinx my flow.
I guess I have still been a bit busy with work and trying to find the ever elusive balance to life. Whenever I think that I’ve done it, like a see-saw, the balance is quickly lost the moment a bit more on one side or the other appears. So, for now, I’m going to ride the tip toward writing here again.
One thing I have been pondering lately is the temporariness of everything. I recently had a scare that I could lose someone dear to me. While I know that this is an inevitable reality of life – everyone dies eventually – , I was not prepared to consider it for that person.
Often, when I watch shows where someone has died (this is a lot thanks to my addiction to true crime stories), the survivors always say the person who passed was wonderful, amazing, loving, so kind, full of life, etc. I keep wanting someone to say “She was a royal biotch!” or “He was an absolute dick.” It’s like saying that would mean that s/he deserved to die, which is not at all how I think. I just wish that we were honest about how people were/are in life. It’s nice to look fondly on people, and it sells better than if the person were not a good one, but life is temporary and why recall it differently than it is/was?
Since I was very young I have let go of my attachment to life. This does not mean that I haven’t and don’t live my life to the fullest. In fact, because I have let go of my attachment, I feel free to live it up. While I would definitely be pissed off if I was somehow incapable of living life as I know it, I would not look back with regret for the life I have lived.
However, this lack of attachment has also allowed me to live life for myself. I don’t have to worry about leaving kids behind. I don’t have a passionate cause to live and fight for. I don’t have strings attached to the world. Yet, related to re-finding purpose, it also has a downside in that the temporariness of this life leaves me floating a bit too aimlessly.
When I thought that I could lose my loved one, I wondered what life would be like without that person in my life. In turn, I wondered what life would be like without me in it. Right now, I think that it wouldn’t matter much except to those near and dear. Yet, I feel somewhat unsatisfied by that. So, now, I am thinking about what I can do to give back and leave a little something behind.
Thus, I am embracing the temporariness of life and looking forward to narrowing down what I will leave behind.
~T π
