Communication is the thread that connects all of us together. It is when we cut the lines or allow them to get tangled up that almost every problem arises.
These days, I am one hundred percent convinced that too much is shared with the general public. We have confused the concept of “open communication” with “transparency”.
The truth is that no one really wants transparency as a two-way street ↔️. If we did, we would all live in glass houses and be content for everyone to be all up in our business. When people cry for transparency, it is almost always a one-way street ➡️.
Instead, I suggest that we have open communication.
Through a dialogue, we can work through our differences and come to an understanding, even if it is to respectfully “agree to disagree” 🤝.
With that said, I do draw the line in the sand when it comes to certain topics with people I barely know or when there is drink involved or when it is clear that the other party’s mind is sealed around their own point of view. It is in these instances that I tend to not take my own suggestion.
A few weeks ago, I watched and listened in awe as M had a lively discussion with someone regarding her vote for Brexit and conservative, patriotic view of the English empire and influence in the world. It was a respectful and open communication in every way.
On the other side of the table was her partner and another friend of theirs, who were mumbling their own drunken opinions that were more assumptive and presumptive of M as the debater against her views and further wanting to interject unhelpful comments. The man then turned to me asking why I was not participating in the discussion or engaging with them on the topic. I politely explained my steadfast rule of not talking about politics, money, or religion with people I don’t know very well especially when alcohol is involved.
He expressed frustration by saying, “Surely, you must have an opinion though on these topics.” To which I replied, “Of course, I do”. Then came the main point –
Him: “You might be able to change someone’s mind if you share your opinion.”
Me: “I do not need to change anyone’s mind and it really does not matter.”
Him: “But, why not?”
Me inside my head: “Because I do not care if you agree with me or not.” Instead, I just smiled and said, “I am happy to listen and respect the opinions that others want to share.”
He was not pleased with my answer and proceeded to stare at me in frustration and confusion that I would not engage with him or the discussion. Granted, he had had a few drinks 🍷 and I was completely drunk on water 💧. 😜
This exchange has given me a lot of contemplation, 🤔 though. Because, while I am absolutely an advocate for open and honest communication, I realized that I definitely have requirements on the conditions in which I feel this can happen.
As someone who doesn’t particularly like people in groups or en masse, I find that I struggle with allowing opportunities to connect with others if I do not see any future interaction or engagement with them. My jaded past and nomadic lifestyle has taught me to filter out the passing of people in and out of my life. Therefore, I have an inhospitable tendency to dismiss a chance to communicate openly and honestly with those I think it not worth the time and effort to have said open and honest discussions.
However, there have been a number of instances (especially of late) proving that the world has become smaller and the chances of never seeing that person, or someone who knows that person, again are much less than they used to be. So, perhaps I do indeed need to recalibrate my tendency and give people more of a chance and be more open to the opportunities to have deep, thoughtful, and possibly mind-changing discussions.
It will likely take me some time to get the balance right, but that is the joy of life – continuing to learn how to grow as a person and keeping the threads aligned through open and honest communication.
~T 😀
