In Richard Templar’s The Rules of Wealth book, he makes a point of teaching that we shouldn’t necessarily tell others about our money goals or dreams because inevitably someone will pooh-pooh the idea or try to tell us why we are wrong in our way of thinking. He doesn’t say not to tell anyone, but to be selective in who we tell and make sure that those people are ones who will support and encourage us to reach our goals and dreams.
I have found that this can be true with just about every topic or area of interest. When Don Miguel Ruiz writes in The Four Agreements – “Don’t take things personally”, it can be applied to everything when we dare to share anything about ourselves, and we do not get the positive response that we want (though I’d say it applies even to the positives, too).
Just about everyone around me knows that I am not a fan of “people” on the whole. I am not a sharer of much, sometimes even to those closest to me, until I am good and ready.
In French this week, I learned the difference in the phrases ‘j’ai confiance en toi’ (I have trust in you) and ‘l’ami confident’ (a confidante). While we might want to translate it directly into our English word, confidence/confident, they are not the same. Also, trusting someone doesn’t always make them a confidante.
There are two regular people in my life whom I would call confidantes. They are the ones who get the most genuine version of myself and my thoughts. However, even with them, I find that I really have to have confiance en moi (trust in myself).
It’s not that I don’t value their input or advice. It’s that they aren’t in my head, have my gut instincts, or understand what it is I am really trying to achieve. In their defense, I am most likely not explaining my ideas well enough for them to grasp in full. So, I’m not pointing any fingers or judging – I promise.
Rather, it is that I know what I want to do and where I want things to go.
Here are two examples:
- M has been encouraging me to find a retreat for either yoga or for writing. I appreciate this deeply. One problem for me is that I don’t want to spend a lot because we will have upcoming expenses once we are in the house and start our ‘nesting’ process. Also, the deeper truth is that I don’t want to go on a retreat to meet new people or share my writing with people I do not know. At the moment, I crave solitude, silence, and my own space. Therefore, I can spend about half of what a retreat costs by going to a hotel on my own for a week and writing and/or doing yoga there. M tried to mansplain how I was incorrect in my thinking, to which I politely (in my mind) told him he was wrong. π
- I want to generate an income from The Universal Asian. In this way, we can regroup our expenses and I can pay more to contributors and those who are helping to build up the platform. There are a number of ways that one can generate money from an online space, but I’m hesitant to move forward to many of them. Lots of people have given me advice and some have suggested I ask for more professional advice, but again I hesitate. It’s not from fear, but from not feeling ready or comfortable yet. I have an idea of how to go about it and I know that when the timing is right I will know how to go about taking action. This is how most everything has gone with it so far and I think that it’s been fairly successful. I’m not saying I won’t need help or outside expertise, but rather that when it’s right, it will happen organically and smoothly.
So, these examples are where only I can know what I am aiming to achieve no matter how much advice others give me, only I can move forward toward the goals.
Still, while I keep things close to my chest, it doesn’t mean that I don’t take in or listen to what others suggest. It just means that I might be slow to take it on board, or that I just want to do it my way. π
~T π
Surely in the nesting process, you and M can find separate places in your own space to do your own special things. It seems like going somewhere else is just spending money that could be used for more practical purposes.
Indeed, we have big plans to have our own space in and out of the house to ensure that we can each do our own things so that we don’t have to go elsewhere. Until then, it’s more about spending to invest in not killing each other! π
You made me smile today.