Friendships come and go, this is a fact of life. As an expat, this is even more of a reality than perhaps for those who stay near their hometowns.
Throughout my life, I have worked hard to maintain friendships so that the coming and going is minimized as much as possible since issues of abandonment, and the like, heavily way on my psyche.
Still, I’m an introvert.
I like my own company, and I live in my head most of the time. Rarely do I ever feel lonely, and so independence is something that I do well and with pleasure.
This doesn’t mean that I don’t have friends nor that I don’t need socialization. It just means that I am generally careful in discerning with whom I find worth spending my time. Therefore, when someone with chaotic energy and darker shadows enters my life, I am usually hesitant and wary to get too close.
However, when we moved to France, which was originally meant to be our “forever” area, I set my mind to being sociable and making a real effort to find some friends. After three years in Japan with my BFF and second BFF, I knew that I needed to have some lovely and strong ladies in my circle.
So, I did just that.
However, there has to always be one, doesn’t there?
On the first day of meeting some people in the area, I met four lovely ladies and later a few more. Of those original four, I am very good friends with three. Until a few days ago, I would have said this was true for all four, but somehow that one decided she needed to cut both me and M out of her life completely, which has resulted in some group drama, and sadly for her, no friends left.
While, ultimately, I am not hurt, or even surprised, about her decision, I am rather disappointed.
Without going into details or sharing personal information about her or us, I will say that what has come out of it is a realization that when my gut tells me to avoid someone or something, I need to have no doubts or mental negotiations. In the end, my gut will prove to be correct and so much time, energy, and space will have been expended without a positive result for me and mine.
This is not 100% accurate, to be honest, the positive is that we no longer need to create space for someone who is every adjectival version of “selfish” or invest in trying to “help” one who does not truly want help.
With that, this post is my closure on her and that fleeting friendship, as I had been calling it. I do not wish ill, and hope that one day she will truly become a better human being.
~T
What you did, most of us have to come to once or twice in our life time. I’m glad your making the effort to have a more social life.