Unbalanced Conversations

I remember yelling at my ex-husband once that not all stories were about him and that he didn’t always need to revert the conversation back to himself. He looked at me in confusion and said, “But, that’s how people relate and talk.” At the time, I just attributed his style of conversing with me, and others, as his ego and arrogance making him the center of EVERY conversation. 😡

Sadly, social interactions over the years have proven that he was right. 😳

Unfortunately, for me, I still hate it and want to scream when it happens! 🤬

Fortunately, I generally keep these thoughts/reactions to myself (this being one of the exceptions) and accept it’s more common than I would like. 🫤

However, I still believe it is about the ego. But, instead of arrogance I now attribute it to a lack of self-awareness and a need to prove one’s value, worth, and importance.

The truth is that I am on the opposite end of the spectrum when it comes to talking about myself, my opinions, and my experiences. Rather, I write these things, which is a kind of one-sidedness, but then the reader (you) can choose to walk away without hurting my feelings. 😅 I’m not saying it is better – just, that is me and how I relate and talk to others. I do not have a need to prove myself on any level to others – a different form of arrogance. 😬

There is probably a bit of cause-effect happening if I do not talk about myself much, then others may feel the need to overcompensate by talking about themselves more. However, I challenge that logic with a question – why not just ask a question instead of making it about the self? 🤔

When the focus becomes constantly about the self, then the interaction no longer has a balance to it resulting in one (usually me) getting bored or frustrated with a conversation because one of a few things tends to happen: 1) stories get repeated, which is SUPER annoying to one who remembers they have already heard the story before, especially if a polite “Oh yeah, you told me that” does not deter the repetition; 🙄 2) the dialogue is no longer such, instead it becomes a monologue, which is only interesting in a play or scene of a film/show; 🥱 3) some kind of negative feeling and energy starts to seep in and settle whenever any further engagement is required making it somewhat challenging to deepen or further a relationship of any kind. 😵‍💫

If I really am interested in someone I tend to ask them questions. If that person asks me questions back and listens without waiting for me to pause so they can jump in with their own story, then I feel seen and heard. 😍 This rarely happens, to be honest.

Often, I tell people that I don’t like people. 🙅🏽‍♀️ It always makes them laugh with surprise at my bluntness and no one actually believes it. They assume it means that I don’t like to socialize or that I am quiet and shy – a common misnomer of an introvert. Recently, I said maybe I should reword it to something like “I don’t trust people”, but upon thinking about that, it isn’t sufficient enough.

It is true that I do not trust most people, but it is more true that I don’t like people.

On the whole, I do NOT like people. People – as in the mass, a group of individuals, and all the social norms that are associated with people.

However, I DO like persons or individuals.

I cherish those I call friends – my definition is probably a bit different than most, but will save that for another pondering session. I enjoy socializing and time around individuals in groups.

Still, it is a fine line.

Not only do I get exhausted from being around others as an introvert, but my energy is drained even faster when I am around people. I do not thrive on monologic conversations. I do not thrive on the egocentric need to prove oneself through repetitive stories or always having to validate by listening to the rattling of their words. I find it on the same level as talking to children….

So, now that I’ve probably offended you as a reader, I will stop here. I do not mean offense. I just would like to implore 🙏🏽 all individuals to consider that conversations should be like a well-played tennis 🎾 match. At the end of it, both should walk away feeling challenged yet satisfied.

Is that really too much to ask? 😜

~T 🔥🐉♋️