Compromises

Life is a constant up and down like a seesaw.

When I first saw the Korean version of this weird balancing device, I was confused as to why they would consider it play to ask kids/players to stand on the balancing board rather than sit as is the US way of play. I mean, talk about accidents waiting to happen! Over time, I came to appreciate the fact that play is really the teaching of real-life in a more protected, light-hearted, and experiential way. How much more directly can you find a way to learn that you need to find balance to stay up and you have to trust your partner not to knock you off the small little board. If either of you wavers, both are prone to a potential accident.

Also, I found that once one learned the art of the balance between two players, there was a lot more freedom in how one “flies” when the skill is mastered – just do a Google search for images and videos of how these players fly, somersault, and jump in the air.

Unfortunately, I never was brave enough to let anyone jump so much on the board that my feet left it, and am a little sad to admit that I really don’t like the idea of free-flying through the air without all kinds of safety equipment attached to me and below me. My risk-taking approval has a lot of qualifying requirements.

Still, the art of balance is often found in the ability to compromise. This compromise often requires a step forward and out rather than digging heels in with stubborn selfishness.

This week I was meant to go to Florence for another Writing Mini-Retreat on my own. I had booked everything, researched where to go, and was preparing myself mentally when I noticed M had a greyness floating over him for a couple of days. He has a constant state of stress around him anyway related to house financing, so I initially attributed his aura to that. However, when nothing was lifting it I asked directly to which he poured out his frustration on spending money always going out.

A regular point of contention between us is that life requires this outflow of funds. We cannot leave the house without spending money as that is the nature of experiencing life – no matter where we go or what we do. Things cost money. We cannot stay isolated in our home any more than we already do and my own ability to make an income is limited. Since this is the reality, I do not want to feel as if I am a captive in the house or a kept woman when it comes to living life – even if it is somewhat true.

So, when he openly confessed that he felt frustrated that it was going to cost money for me to go to Florence or for him to travel or for us to buy things that we need aside from food, I initially felt irritated. However, with some time and space, I admitted to myself that I didn’t necessarily need to go to Florence as I could try to do my writing locally to save our funds so that he could use the money to take his own break. Since I knew that asking him if he preferred me to do this would result in circular conversation, I made an executive decision to cancel everything for the trip. Luckily, I have long-learned that everything I book should have easy cancellation even if it costs a bit more.

In doing so, M initially tried to deflect and push back his sense of guilt for my action. However, I simply told him to just accept it, but not rub my face in it. I made the decision. I was OK with that decision. I also did not want to be reminded that I could have made a different one.

Through this decision, something magical happened. He reflected. Although he may not say so or realize it consciously, I know that me “sacrificing” the trip caused him to re-evaluate his view on our spending money. Taking our house payment issues out of the equation, we have more than enough money to save and spend reasonably. There is no need for us to feel like captives in our own (almost) house. There is no need for us to begrudge each other the desire to spend or go away for a few days to do the things that we want to do. We can afford it and we need – to some degree – to do it for both of our sanities.

So, like with a seesaw, we have to learn to trust each other and take turns as we allow the other to fly, jump, somersault, and soar in the air with the belief that the board will always be strong below to let us land safely.

~T 🔥🐉♋️