I’m back on a routine and feeling both happily productive yet somewhat lackluster in my sense of accomplishment each day. It’s not like I don’t have plenty to do or to keep me busy. Still, sometimes it does feel as if it is just busy work that I am doing to pass the time.
Of course, it is meaningful to keep a clean house, do laundry, and such. I don’t really do anything outdoors these days as it is hot π₯΅ and the mozzies π¦ are out, but the mornings are nice for enjoying a cup of coffee. Yet, I haven’t even been doing that until this morning when M asked what I was doing after I had come directly to my dark, cool office to sit at the computer to get work done. It really didn’t occur to me to go outside for a bit.
So, perhaps I’m vitamin D deficient, and it is affecting my mood. I will try to work on that and go outside a bit more now that I’m aware.
Equally, I need to return to prioritizing writing. I’ve allowed myself to get out of the habit of journaling every single day. Partially because my journal is crammed with cards and papers that it is hard to write on one side of it, but really I just allow it to be an excuse to not write. When I don’t write, it’s like being constipated. The build up becomes too much. I need an outlet for my thoughts and inner emotions since I’m not an outwardly emotional person.
Furthermore, since deciding to publish a poetry book, I have come to a full realization that I have always been a poet. From the time I started writing journals at eight-years-old, I also started writing poems. My first coloring, writing books were filled with my naive poems. Poems have always been a constant along with my journals. Because I can often scribble out a poem quickly, I forget that it is a craft, an art, a creativity that needs an outlet.
Then, there is the craft of writing a story. My fiction novel has been pushed aside again in my mind and priorities. Perhaps, I am afraid of the need to dig into my memories and feelings to write some parts. Perhaps, I am afraid it really isn’t that good. Perhaps, I am just afraid. I need to ponder and see what my mental obstacle might be on it. In the meantime, I have a new idea to work on some short stories along with my poetry.
The fact is that as long as I’m writing and producing something regularly, I’m happier than when I just manage to get tick off the items on my todo list. More than likely, my sense of accomplishment and contentment is when I have written something meaningful (to me, at least) in a day. So, why am I not ensuring I do this every day? π€·π½ββοΈπ€·π½ββοΈ
I have no acceptable answer. π€ͺ
They say awareness is the first step. So, step one βοΈ! Now, to do something about it. I shall ponder today on what that looks like and revert back on Monday. Stay tuned!
Have a great weekend y’all!
~ T π₯πβοΈ
